Family and Friends give you grief over your Handbag addiction?

[Joule]

Sometimes. My bags usually fly under the radar, and that's fine by me. Like many here, I stay away from the logo look, so I am probably less likely than some others to get comments in the first place.

If I am volunteering, I carry a Longchamp le Pliage; I tend to drag plenty with me in those cases, and I don't really want to stand out.
I have to travel to visit my family, so they see only my Pacsafe bags. That's probably a good thing - they would be scathing about the number of items in my collection. My nuclear family members here at home, however, don't bat an eye at it. DH and Preteen both have their own collections of things, and we respect each other's space.
I wear whatever I like freely around my friends, who have never seemed to notice one way or another.
Now we go in the opposite direction: As being bag-shamed at work is what began my participation in our collective hobby in the first place, I make sure to carry something nice to my job!

 

[Lady Stardust]

Yes and no. 2 of my best friends are very into bags and love seeing what I buy (and buy things themselves) so I have no problem sharing all details with them and sending pics of what I’m thinking of buying and pricing etc. Other friends will admire my bags but aren’t personally into designer/willing to spend the money but also don’t judge so they’re fine. They might ask what designer it is but that’s pretty much it.

My mom on the other hand I always try to be covert around with any new bags bc she will notice and ask how much it cost and find a reason to tell me I’m being frivolous. I try to wear bags she’s already seen around her rather than any new ones. My boyfriend didn’t even know I was into luxury bags until this year bc he’s clueless with designer items- he knew I liked handbags but didn’t know all of mine were designer lol

As far as the general public I don’t hide it, I carry my bags everywhere, including to work, I don’t think anyone notices really.

 

[Love Of My Life]

Life is too short... No need to explain yourself when you carry your bags.
There will always be people who "judge".. That's sadly the way it is, it should not be that
way & I really would care less what others have to say that are not relevant to you...

 

[RT1]

Life is too short... No need to explain yourself when you carry your bags.
There will always be people who "judge".. That's sadly the way it is, it should not be that
way & I really would care less what others have to say that are not relevant to you...

This IS a great and very positive way of looking at this situation.
I applaud your thinking on this subject!

 

[Sparkletastic]

You’re wasting your money.

I will never understand this attitude towards using your things that you bought with your money because of the feelings and judgements of others. I would say that I have this attitude because I was older, but I’ve always been like this. I just don’t care. Others opinions of me are not my business. I’m not going to spend a lot of money on anything then not wear/carry it the majority of the time because it might offend someone.

Wear and enjoy. I wish that I could have afforded to buy luxury items in my 20s! Stop hiding.

This. This. A thousand times THIS!!!

Also, that hasn't really happened to me yet, but in certain circumstances, I don't mind lying that my bag is fake, if I feel like the person asking might have an unpleasant reaction and cause some problems.

OMG! Why would you lie and say you were supporting trademark infringement and organized crime by saying your real bag is a fake??? And, to appease people who are petty and immature enough to have an unpleasant reaction because you have something nice?
Ack!! Nooooo!

 

[RT1]

This. This. A thousand times THIS!!!
OMG! Why would you lie and say you were supporting trademark infringement and organized crime by saying your real bag is a fake??? And, to appease people who are petty and immature enough to have an unpleasant reaction because you have something nice?
Ack!! Nooooo!

+1 for being so right on this subject.

 

[thebagqueen]

I understand not wanting to hear others comments about how much money you spent, etc. But I’d rather be ’judged‘ for spending a lot of money on a bag rather than judged for buying a fake bag.

It’s your bags, your life and you should enjoy both without worrying what other people say.

 

[IntheOcean]

This. This. A thousand times THIS!!!
OMG! Why would you lie and say you were supporting trademark infringement and organized crime by saying your real bag is a fake??? And, to appease people who are petty and immature enough to have an unpleasant reaction because you have something nice?
Ack!! Nooooo!

I didn't mean people thinking you're snobby or full of yourself or something like that. That can be unpleasant, yes, but I wouldn't care so much as to lie about wearing fakes just to keep some random Joe from not liking me.

But sometimes people can be truly mean and "vindictive". I remember reading here on the forums a couple of years ago, one tPF had her bag splashed with something by a co-worker not by accident, but on purpose. People can also get nosy. I wouldn't want some random acquaintance I have to deal with asking me if my bag is real and then asking how much it costs, where did I buy it, can they touch it with their greasy hands, etc. If I feel like a person can be a problem, but I can't explicitly tell them to f-k off, then I'd rather they think my bag is fake.

I don't think I've ever found myself in a situation like that when I felt it better or safer to lie about my stuff. But I don't mind doing that if I have to.

And I think most people, sadly, don't care one bit about copyright infringement, sweatshops, etc., and quite often, they wouldn't even realize how huge that industry is and where the money goes. For many middle- and lower-class people, intellectual property and brand history mean very little.

 

[dignatius]

I just say that I'm a leather goods nut and then PROVE it by pointing out (on my bag) why this particular leather is so awesome, the beauty of Veg Tanned vs Chrome Tanned leather, Full Grain vs Top Grain, the depth of color etc. I keep on going until their eyes glaze over and they find themselves regretting that they ever started it...

Strangely enough, my friends and coworkers don't bother to comment now. But they all glance at my bag-of-the-day because if someone who knows leather bought it... it's worth buying

 

[Sparkletastic]

I didn't mean people thinking you're snobby or full of yourself or something like that. That can be unpleasant, yes, but I wouldn't care so much as to lie about wearing fakes just to keep some random Joe from not liking me.

But sometimes people can be truly mean and "vindictive". I remember reading here on the forums a couple of years ago, one tPF had her bag splashed with something by a co-worker not by accident, but on purpose. People can also get nosy. I wouldn't want some random acquaintance I have to deal with asking me if my bag is real and then asking how much it costs, where did I buy it, can they touch it with their greasy hands, etc. If I feel like a person can be a problem, but I can't explicitly tell them to f-k off, then I'd rather they think my bag is fake.

I don't think I've ever found myself in a situation like that when I felt it better or safer to lie about my stuff. But I don't mind doing that if I have to.

And I think most people, sadly, don't care one bit about copyright infringement, sweatshops, etc., and quite often, they wouldn't even realize how huge that industry is and where the money goes. For many middle- and lower-class people, intellectual property and brand history mean very little.

I really don’t understand a situation in which people can be rude and invasive with their comments to you but you feel you can’t respond with a simple “it’s none of your business” or “don’t touch my bag and I won’t touch you”.

And, let’s not be classist and presume middle and lower class people don’t care about / know about human trafficking, copyright infringement, sweatshops, etc.

My strong opinion is that we can tell people to mind our boundaries and not excuse it with “I have to play nice” or “the little people wont get it”. Abdication of maturity and condescension towards people of modest means may not be your heart or your intent with your comments but they certainly are how they read.

 

[Greenredapple]

I really don’t understand a situation in which people can be rude and invasive with their comments to you but you feel you can’t respond with a simple “it’s none of your business” or “don’t touch my bag and I won’t touch you”.

I think @IntheOcean can do as she pleases.

I also think that each situation warrants different kinds of responses. For example, I would never tell my boss or someone else in a higher position not to touch my bag or mind your own business. There are more appropriate ways to handle the situation. I wouldn't want to convey a 'overreacting female with her expensive handbag vibe' especially in a professional setting.

 

[the_baglover]

This is a difficult question that gets asked often. For what it's worth, I think you are the best judge of when and where you should carry which bag you own.

As many have commented, wearing an expensive bag to work can cause problems even if no one says anything to your face. Same with being insensitive and wearing it to see a friend or relative who is not as financially comfortable as you. There are many rude people in the world and having arguments with them will just wear you down in the long term.

I own bags from the entry brands to the high end ones. I just choose the bag depending on the event and person I'll meet.

 

[Sparkletastic]

I think @IntheOcean can do as she pleases.

I also think that each situation warrants different kinds of responses. For example, I would never tell my boss or someone else in a higher position not to touch my bag or mind your own business. There are more appropriate ways to handle the situation. I wouldn't want to convey a 'overreacting female with her expensive handbag vibe' especially in a professional setting.

Of course everyone can do as they please.

I’m wondering why you characterize calmly yet directly telling someone that their inappropriate comment, questions or touching is possibly an “overreacting female handbag vibe”. News flash. Women “get” to set appropriate boundaries without being viewed as hysterical. Those who see boundary setting as an issue are in the wrong - not the woman. And, while we may lovingly ignore a doddering dementia laden relative who is inappropriate, the workplace is an arena where boundaries need to be set so that toxic cultures aren’t allowed to thrive.

Either wear what is appropriate and “luxe” and own it or wear something else and own that. But, lying while tacitly supporting fakes or being silent because due to fear of engaging constructively because of gender aren’t worthy behaviors of adult women (or men).

 

[JenJBS]

I’m wondering why you characterize calmly yet directly telling someone that their inappropriate comment, questions or touching is possibly an “overreacting female handbag vibe”. News flash. Women “get” to set appropriate boundaries without being viewed as hysterical. Those who see boundary setting as an issue are in the wrong - not the woman. And, while we may lovingly ignore a doddering dementia laden relative who is inappropriate, the workplace is an arena where boundaries need to be set so that toxic cultures aren’t allowed to thrive.

I think the issue may be the wording. For a boss, or anyone in a professional setting, I'd go with 'I'd rather not discuss it' instead of 'none of your business'. And at work I'd never say 'don't touch my bag and I won't touch you'. That would get me a conversation with HR - the difference in touching an item and touching a person. Yes, boundaries need to set, but in a way that won't reflect badly on the speaker.

 

[Greenredapple]

Of course everyone can do as they please.

I’m wondering why you characterize calmly yet directly telling someone that their inappropriate comment, questions or touching is possibly an “overreacting female handbag vibe”. News flash. Women “get” to set appropriate boundaries without being viewed as hysterical. Those who see boundary setting as an issue are in the wrong - not the woman. And, while we may lovingly ignore a doddering dementia laden relative who is inappropriate, the workplace is an arena where boundaries need to be set so that toxic cultures aren’t allowed to thrive.

Either wear what is appropriate and “luxe” and own it or wear something else and own that. But, lying while tacitly supporting fakes or being silent because due to fear of engaging constructively because of gender aren’t worthy behaviors of adult women (or men).

My main issue was with the wording. 'Don' t touch my bag' indicates a imperative, commanding tone.

Stereotypes exists. Especially about women and their handbags. In addition, social context matters. Despite one's intention, you can't fully control how others will view and judge you. Whether it's gendered, racial, religious, class or age related. They are more or less present in our social existance. Sometimes they intersect.

I have been labeled as an emotional, hysterical female before. Add the racial context then I am a rude, angry Asian woman. An issue over a handbag can lead to weird impressions in workplace and in school that I don't want to deal with. Setting boundaries can be done in an appropriate and polite manner. Being polite and constructive are not mutually exclusive.

And also. You come across as condescending and aggressive yourself over something that each and one of us should be able to handle as we see fit in our daily lives.