Did you help son/daughter pay for e-ring?

TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others

I'm responding from a young person's perspective. I'm not married nor am I anywhere near getting engaged. I don't know if my opinion will change when the time comes but right now I would not want my future in laws to pay for my engagement ring. I want it to be something that my fiance pays for himself. I rather have a simple ring he paid for himself than a flashy ring the in laws helped pay for. I feel like, if I love the guy I'm going to marry, it doesn't matter the size of the engagement ring.

Yes I feel the same way, I think I would be more apt to accept help to pay for the wedding (my family will
Not) but as for the ring I'm not sure how I would feel. I'm never against an upgrade.
 
I think the man should save up and buy what he can afford. It's his present to his future wife. Giving money to help buy it would mean it wasn't totally his gift. Later on, they can always get an upgrade. I know, I'm old fashioned.

You're not old fashioned, I totally agree! Marriage is a huge step and I say, if you can't afford a ring, you probably may want to rethink marriage! The parents of course are always welcome to offer gifts whether monetary or otherwise, but as for the ring, I think it should be the man. IMHO! :smile1:
 
I am a newlywed in my mid-20s and have a 1.70 ct ering so I'm responding from the 'young couple' perspective. My DH got very lucky with his job situation coming out of school and was able to comfortably afford this ring and wouldn't have even dreamed of asking his family for help. He is a very sentimental person and has flat out said that while he knows I would be happy with just a pebble, he wanted to gift a diamond that was as big as he could afford right now because he will not upgrade in the future (although he says he's not opposed to buying more diamonds!). I wouldn't have accepted the ring if it was going to put us in debt (either to the bank or to his parents) so I don't think I would lend assistance to our future kids in this matter. A mortgage though, since we live in NYC, is a completely different matter!


I love this response! ;)
 
My mother in law's favorite phrase is "I would rather give with a warm hand than a cold hand."

You MIL is a wise woman. She will be here to experience the joy of giving. Rather than have a estate/trust attorney pass on the good news of money coming their way.

These situations aren't black & white. Some here who have taken the money are not losers who live in their parents basements. They have a future that supports the big diamond.

If parents are giving money for a diamond, its a whole different story is the diamond given doesn't come with the lifestyle. A good part of your net worth is tied up in a diamond? Or worse, one doesn't know what they are buying & the diamond is worth a fraction of what was paid.
 
My parents didn't pay for my ering, and didn't offer. I agree with this. My ring was the responsibility of my DH and no one else. I'm somewhat old fashioned as I feel you should get what you can afford! I now have several and they tell a story from when we were newly engaged teenagers then, to the seasoned married adults we are now. I like knowing that l was important enough to him that he saved so he could present a beautiful token of his love to me, makes me feel more special. I think sometimes parents make it too easy for their children and they come to expect too much or have a false sense of entitlement. I feel you value what you have more when it is a result of your labor!!!
 
My parents didn't pay for my ering, and didn't offer. I agree with this. My ring was the responsibility of my DH and no one else. I'm somewhat old fashioned as I feel you should get what you can afford! I now have several and they tell a story from when we were newly engaged teenagers then, to the seasoned married adults we are now. I like knowing that l was important enough to him that he saved so he could present a beautiful token of his love to me, makes me feel more special. I think sometimes parents make it too easy for their children and they come to expect too much or have a false sense of entitlement. I feel you value what you have more when it is a result of your labor!!!
I get what you mean about getting what you can afford.. My husband and I were a little take back by my mother gifting my 19 year old an 8 ctw wedding set. Especially when everyone KNEW that relationship was going to end and end badly.
 
I think it depends.. my sister and her now husband's in laws paid for her ring because he was in residency for his dermatology MOES degree and he wouldnt have been able to afford it otherwise. He paid his parents back as soon as he got a job in his field and just upgraded my sister last year to a 4ct. stone. In that instance I dont see a problem with it...

On the opposite side, my dh paid for my ring in cash in full and even though people offered to help him he declined. I love my ring and he has also told me he plans on upgrading me to whatever I want in a few years even though I love the ring I have now (I am never opposed to something nicer though).
 
Top