My DH had no help in buying my engagement ring, nor would I have wanted it to be purchased by my FIL. I would hope that my sons would not be planning to marry if they needed help in purchasing a ring. However, for different families, I see nothing wrong with it if the parents want to help with the purchase or pass on an heirloom stone.
Did you help son/daughter pay for e-ring?
- Thread starter Phillyfan
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Totally agree!
IMO a gift like that wouldn't be as meaningful if the giver received help for it.
I didn't help with the purchase of the ring, but I did help with the selection of the ring. My future daughter in law asked that I go with her to pick out her ring. My son is so not into shopping for jewelry. He told her to find whatever she wants and he would get it. So we went shopping and she picked out a beautiful 1.72 carat diamond ring, but I told her to go bigger, so she did, 2.1 carat. Fortunately my son had money saved for the ring and he paid for it. I told my son to get her a nice ring. I would have helped pay for it, but he makes a very nice living.
I think a lot more parents help than i originally thought. so weird that this thread popped up because we had this convo came up with the guys at work last week. Totally agree if he can't afford something 'decent' (i hesitate to use that term and do not mean it in a negative way at all) then they probably are not ready to be married assuming it's a signal of financial instability. That being said i think everyone and every situation is different. I think every guy wants to get the ring of his girl's dreams but it's just not always possible to afford a huge rock especially if they're younger. A lot of the guys admitted to accepting some help, and also to using financing available, but it was more in the situation of, 'i can afford a ring but i want to get her something bigger or better'.
I also know a handful of guys who have admitted to accepting family diamonds from either side of the family - in all of these cases the fiance to be was aware of that situation as well. One of my best friends will be getting her mother's gorgeous pear diamond- her mother gave it to her boyfriend after they discussed whether or not he was comfortable with that - he will be handling the setting on his own and of course the time and details of proposal will still be a surprise. He's planning to use the money he began saving originally towards their future home.
Sorry i just rambled a lot here and prob didnt say a lot - i guess what i'm saying is that if everyone involved is comfortable with this type of situation and there are no red flags about finances then why not?
I think the bolded is worse, much worse, than helping out a couple who legitimately can't afford a ring at all. The money he has isn't good enough for her dreams? Time to get a new dream, sweetheart. I wouldn't be interested in funding my son's girlfriend's greed. Maybe that's harsh, but I'm watching a woman like this absolutely drain my brother. I defended her at first when it was just the ring, but now she's being greedy about a house, and I don't think it's ever going to change. Not only would I not want my son to spend more than he had, but I wouldn't want him to marry the girl at all. Why can't she accept what he has to spend?
If the parents have the means and are willing, what difference does it make? So many younger people are saving for down payments etc etc. Just walk around a mall or shopping area and you will see grandparents accompanying their daughters on shopping trips, buying things for grandchildren. And many pay for the grandchildren's school tuition as well. The grandparents are at an age where the income is greater and the children are grown. So of course they want to help.
i think you misinterpreted what i was saying. I guess my point there was that there are unfortunately a lot of pressures on guys- they sit around and compare as men - i think most of us here would 100% agree that if a woman can't accept the means that a man has then she should move on- i was not referring to anything from the females point of view here since that is a whole other subject. I think every man would want to buy something HE feels is amazing and that HE feels would be perfect for his fiance to be, and if a parents can help then why not. I think i assumed when i read this thread that it was an act of love by a parent to help- maybe that's a ring, cash towards a ring, or cash towards a house- anything really.
Separately, I'm sorry that youre watching your brother go through this.
In Thai culture, it's common to provide a dowry at the wedding- so the groom's parents finances do get involved in one way shape or form. I wouldn't be surprised if the total dowry budget included what was to be spent on the e-ring. Engagements in Thailand are traditionally performed in front of family members in the morning (essentially it's really like a wedding) and then in the evening the reception would follow.
I definitely don't have children yet so it doesn't really apply to me, but I'm of the opinion that if you can't afford an engagement ring, you can't afford to be married.
My plan has always been to pass my wedding set onto my grandchildren somewhere far down the line, since I want to keep my diamonds within the family, and I am by nature a sentimental person.
As far as giving cash to one of my children in order to help them afford a wedding ring, I am on the fence. If my child had a history of financial irresponsibility or random acts of financial spontaneity, or was in a relationship that seemed unhealthy or instable, then no, I would not just hand over cash to secure an engagement ring. But if my child had shown me solid financial understanding and personal responsibility, and had a solid relationship that I thought was healthy and long-lasting, then I might consider gifting a sum of money to help make a happy couple's dream engagement ring come true.
As far as giving cash to one of my children in order to help them afford a wedding ring, I am on the fence. If my child had a history of financial irresponsibility or random acts of financial spontaneity, or was in a relationship that seemed unhealthy or instable, then no, I would not just hand over cash to secure an engagement ring. But if my child had shown me solid financial understanding and personal responsibility, and had a solid relationship that I thought was healthy and long-lasting, then I might consider gifting a sum of money to help make a happy couple's dream engagement ring come true.