Did you help son/daughter pay for e-ring?
- Thread starter Phillyfan
- Start date
TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others
Agreed here. I have an only son, I am more than willing to either give him the money or give him one of my rings if my future DIL loves antique jewelry.
I am not planning on taking my money or jewelry with me in the afterlife.lol.
If the future DIL doesn't want the assistance or my son is too prideful for help, I would abide to their preferences.
I asked because I look around me and see a lot of young people just starting out. I wonder how they afford such big diamond rings. I would ask people in my circles but thought it might be a controversial subject. So, to not get into any heated discussions, I brought the subject to a public forum. That way, it could possibly get heated or have strong opposing opinions and my personal friends won't be involved!
I am a newlywed in my mid-20s and have a 1.70 ct ering so I'm responding from the 'young couple' perspective. My DH got very lucky with his job situation coming out of school and was able to comfortably afford this ring and wouldn't have even dreamed of asking his family for help. He is a very sentimental person and has flat out said that while he knows I would be happy with just a pebble, he wanted to gift a diamond that was as big as he could afford right now because he will not upgrade in the future (although he says he's not opposed to buying more diamonds!). I wouldn't have accepted the ring if it was going to put us in debt (either to the bank or to his parents) so I don't think I would lend assistance to our future kids in this matter. A mortgage though, since we live in NYC, is a completely different matter!
I too am contributing from a young person's perspective. I am neither married nor engaged.
To raise a point I don't think anyone else has so far - when I get married I will very likely not have a large ceremony/reception/etc as it just isn't my thing. Eloping would be my first preference. Therefore I would not turn down an offer from either my parents or my SO's parents to contribute to an engagement ring. The reason being that is common in my social circle for parents to make a contribution towards their children's wedding. Perhaps not the whole cost, but a a good chunk of it between the 2 families. What's the difference between contributing to an engagement ring and a wedding if an expensive wedding is not on the cards?
Just my 2 cents!
To raise a point I don't think anyone else has so far - when I get married I will very likely not have a large ceremony/reception/etc as it just isn't my thing. Eloping would be my first preference. Therefore I would not turn down an offer from either my parents or my SO's parents to contribute to an engagement ring. The reason being that is common in my social circle for parents to make a contribution towards their children's wedding. Perhaps not the whole cost, but a a good chunk of it between the 2 families. What's the difference between contributing to an engagement ring and a wedding if an expensive wedding is not on the cards?
Just my 2 cents!
My mother in law's favorite phrase is "I would rather give with a warm hand than a cold hand."
She knows her kids will have significant inheritances. She would rather help out her kids while they are starting out so she can see them enjoy her gifts. She helps SO much with her grand kids. She wants to do this.
In the same vein, DH's parents keep asking him if they can buy him a new car. I think it bothers them that they give more assistance to his siblings (nanny, private school, VIP Disney vacations for the grand kids), so they really want to make things "more even" for their own piece of mind. My husband has not accepted their offer, he does not ask for any kind of help very often. Every time we see them, my FIL says it bothers him to see DH driving an older car!
I have two boys (6 and 4) and I think if i have means to help with down payment I would definitely help.
My dh got my ering all by himself and he paid for our big wedding without any help from parents and we did not want any help either.
We grew up very poor. I prepared to give my ering to each my son if they like to use stone and get the new setting themselves. I also hope that they will pass that stone down to their own kids when they get married.... i wanted to start family heirloom. I also will respect if they chose do it all by themselves. If they're grad school or just starting out could afford to buy a nice ring and pay for wedding or down payment. Again i would also also assume that they will good with money management.
My dh got my ering all by himself and he paid for our big wedding without any help from parents and we did not want any help either.
We grew up very poor. I prepared to give my ering to each my son if they like to use stone and get the new setting themselves. I also hope that they will pass that stone down to their own kids when they get married.... i wanted to start family heirloom. I also will respect if they chose do it all by themselves. If they're grad school or just starting out could afford to buy a nice ring and pay for wedding or down payment. Again i would also also assume that they will good with money management.
I'm responding from a young person's perspective. I'm not married nor am I anywhere near getting engaged. I don't know if my opinion will change when the time comes but right now I would not want my future in laws to pay for my engagement ring. I want it to be something that my fiance pays for himself. I rather have a simple ring he paid for himself than a flashy ring the in laws helped pay for. I feel like, if I love the guy I'm going to marry, it doesn't matter the size of the engagement ring.
My parents are deceased, and although I'm already 30, I have 3 elder brothers that hovers over me and stands as my parents. My Husband initially didn't want to use my late Mom's ruby pendant as a stone for my engagement ring, he said that he wanted to purchase me a diamond on his own. When he formally proposed to me w/ a diamond ring, he also expressed that he understood why I need something from my Mom to wear so he had custom made another solitaire setting for the ruby - w/c was also my birthstone.
My elder brother offered to gift us wedding bands, and my Husband again refused. He particularly wanted to purchase a simple YG band
In other things, my Husband is okay in accepting help from my family, one example is he's okay when my brothers wanted to help in restoring my late parents house,w/c my Husband and I will eventually live in. When my Husband started working, he became fiercely independent because he knew his family won't help him. So I think he was a little out of balanced when my family is so generous with their offer of any kind of help.
My elder brother offered to gift us wedding bands, and my Husband again refused. He particularly wanted to purchase a simple YG band
In other things, my Husband is okay in accepting help from my family, one example is he's okay when my brothers wanted to help in restoring my late parents house,w/c my Husband and I will eventually live in. When my Husband started working, he became fiercely independent because he knew his family won't help him. So I think he was a little out of balanced when my family is so generous with their offer of any kind of help.