Did you help son/daughter pay for e-ring?
- Thread starter Phillyfan
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Great question! While I wouldn't offer to help pay for a ring per se, I would happily offer something of mine (a family heirloom), since between my own mother and I, we have a collection of several gorgeous antique pieces that DD could choose from. But if they wanted to buy something all on their own, I would respect that.
But my 8 year old informed me last night that she has no plans to marry, just to have a boyfriend from time to time, who she can dump for a new boyfriend when she feels like it. No marriage and definitely no babies. Ever.
But my 8 year old informed me last night that she has no plans to marry, just to have a boyfriend from time to time, who she can dump for a new boyfriend when she feels like it. No marriage and definitely no babies. Ever.
DH and I were starving students when we married. We couldn't afford a ring, so I never had one, but we got married anyway and have been happily married for 16 years. We wouldn't have accepted money or help in buying a ring, even if it had been offered. By our 10 year anniversary, we were doing well for ourselves and I/we bought my first diamond - a 2ct OMC, which is where my love of antiques began. I would have happily accepted a family heirloom because of the sentiment, but not help in buying a ring. We were way to headstrong and proud for that! We did, however, accept help from my parents with the down payment on our first home - money far better spent than any piece of jewelry.
My grandmother had a pair of earrings with two 1 carat OMC stones. My mother had one of those in her engagement ring and one in a necklace. They both came to me after she passed away.
I gave each of my sons one of the stones when they proposed...each of them had the stone set in a ring, adding side stones. So...my DILs are wearing their husband's great granmother's diamonds. Makes me happy!
I gave each of my sons one of the stones when they proposed...each of them had the stone set in a ring, adding side stones. So...my DILs are wearing their husband's great granmother's diamonds. Makes me happy!
My engagement ring is my fiancé's great grandmother's engagement ring. His great grandmother left his mom two rings. She gave one to my fiance (her son) and I don't know what she's going to do with the other one. I don't think his parents would have helped out with the engagement ring if it wasn't for that. Mine wouldn't have either.
Knowing that my husband saved up his own money to buy my engagement ring, I would say no just on that precedence alone. But that's our family rules. Not necessarily what others should do.
I guess I feel the same way if it is that parents are saving for something but if they blow all their cash and then expect grandparents to pick up the rest, it is wrong.
I don't see the big deal FOR ME either but we didn't have any help buying e-ring etc. it was the most simple band because we were students and had no cash at the time, and only recently did I get into jewellery. i am, however, highly unconventional with stuff like this - my parents were somehow shocked when they heard that I am planning on buying my DH a luxury watch, as they think it should be him doing that. in the big scheme of things it is 'just a ring' and if someone contributed to it it makes the commitment etc no less special IMO.
When DH proposed to me, he was just out of law school and had no money. His parents offered to loan him the money for my ring because they wanted him to get me something that they would be proud of. DH did not ask for the loan. But he accepted it, saying that we would set up a repayment schedule and pay it off. We did so in two years.
DH's Mom and Dad liked to help out. They had the means to do so. They helped us with our first house, but we paid that back too.
DH and I would never expect nor accept an outright gift from DMIL and DFIL. We treated the loans as we would treat any other financial obligation, and pay it in a timely way.
DH's Mom and Dad liked to help out. They had the means to do so. They helped us with our first house, but we paid that back too.
DH and I would never expect nor accept an outright gift from DMIL and DFIL. We treated the loans as we would treat any other financial obligation, and pay it in a timely way.
Lulilu, you are correct. In my DFIL and DMIL's case, it brought them great joy to help us start out. They had the money--and by helping us, made them feel needed. Since we paid every cent back, it was a win-win situation. Sometimes gracefully accepting help makes the helpers feel wanted, appreciated and needed.
DH and I are fiercely independent and after a few years of marriage became financially independent. And after the first few years, we puzzled why DFIL and DMIL kind of ignored us. We finally realized it wasn't us--it was because the other siblings had so much of drama in their lives--and DFIL and DMIL were too busy trying to help them out.
I finally learned when my in-laws wanted to help, to let them. It made them feel involved and important in our lives.
I only recently got engaged... and know that my fiance paid for the ring entirely himself BUT prior this, know that his mother offered at one stage.
She was really keen for us to get married though- we'd been together for 7 years and had gone away together... when I accidentally spotted a message on his phone that read 'please use the credit card to buy her a ring'.
He didn't- which I am glad for...
He isn't working yet- he's studying full time, and had to dip into his savings to buy my ring. But I love that he chose the whole thing entirely on his own- he made the decision on what he wanted to buy, then considered what he could spend alone. I'm sentimental. I'd never want an upgrade. (Having said that... he knew I wanted something about 1.5ct and he delivered!! triple excellent and all!)
She was really keen for us to get married though- we'd been together for 7 years and had gone away together... when I accidentally spotted a message on his phone that read 'please use the credit card to buy her a ring'.
He didn't- which I am glad for...
He isn't working yet- he's studying full time, and had to dip into his savings to buy my ring. But I love that he chose the whole thing entirely on his own- he made the decision on what he wanted to buy, then considered what he could spend alone. I'm sentimental. I'd never want an upgrade. (Having said that... he knew I wanted something about 1.5ct and he delivered!! triple excellent and all!)
+1
Everyone has to do what is right for their own family. I find it interesting to see so many people here talk about being old fashioned and saying that the guy should pay for what he can afford at the time without any help, but then in the next sentence they talk about upgrading when they can. Aren't some of the old fashioned values and sentimentality thrown out the window with that mind set? I'm not one to say a person can't or shouldn't upgrade, I just find it funny to see the person talk about sentimentality and being old fashioned when and also talk about upgrading.
I think in today's day and age, where sometimes the groom's family helps pay for part of a wedding, paying for part of a ring isn't that different. In the end people have to do what is right for their families and what makes them happy. In addition, if the groom puts a lot of time and effort into learning about e-rings, shopping for it, choosing it, and needs some help, I still think its his gift and that if his parents paid for part it doesn't take away from it.
In addition, I saw a scenario where parents helped the groom pay for part of a very nice engagement ring and the couple is happily married. I've also seen scenarios where the guy saved up, bought what he could afford, and the couple is now divorced. So all the old fashioned saving up didn't necessarily matter in the end.
I'm a believer that there is no right or wrong when it comes to help with engagement rings or a wedding, just do what works for you and your family.