Never saw this question asked! Just wondering for those of you with grown children that might be just in the working world for a couple years: Have you gifted your child with a set sum to purchase an engagement ring? I know there will be all sides to this question. I bet the majority will feel that the man proposing should have his own responsibility of financing a ring. But many men/sons and women/daughters might be fortunate enough to obtain a stone that has been in the family. So paying for a setting is far less than cost of diamond stone. Is there a difference between giving a stone or setting a dollar amount to "help" with future wedding proposal?
Did you help son/daughter pay for e-ring?
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theres not a right or wrong way to do it ..... if you WANT to do it... do it .... i'm sure they would love it and be so appreciative
its such a generous and selfless thing to do and i personally think it makes the ring much more precious
marriage is all above love and family
such a nice idea
its such a generous and selfless thing to do and i personally think it makes the ring much more precious
marriage is all above love and family
such a nice idea
Hmmm....interesting question. I haven't reached there yet but if I am in that situation, I would tell my son to buy what he can afford and don't start a marriage in debt. A ring is just a symbol. If the woman he wants to marry looks at the size of the ring, then she is not the right match.
However, I would give a nice wedding gift from us. So if you have a heirloom piece that you want to pass down, your son should pay for setting.
However, I would give a nice wedding gift from us. So if you have a heirloom piece that you want to pass down, your son should pay for setting.
We just started discussing this in our home. I Hate to see my son deplete so much savings for a ring so I would love to help when he is ready if he would accept it. For my daughter I am hoping my mother in law will give her one of her diamonds. She never gave me one but I'm hopping since she is her only granddaughter she might! Time will tell!
I agree with this completely in regards to how I would handle this situation should it arise when our son is older.
My husband bought my E-ring on his own. My MIL and mother both had their mother's wedding/E-rings and when my husband proposed they were gifted to us as and we took them to a jeweler and used both rings to make to make the guards for my E-ring so they did contribute in a round about way. I love that I have a piece of both of our families history built into our newer ring. We plan to pass my ring on should we have a daughter someday but I honestly would hesitate about passing it on to a daughter in law (but he's not even four yet, this will likely change).
My grandparents paid for the ring my uncle (their son) gave to his fiancé. My uncle is in his mid 40s. Personally, I found this wrong. He is old enough and has had plenty of time to save money (been with the girl for 5 years). He spent his money on useless stuff and that's why he has no savings.
When my DH and I were looking at rings, we agreed that he would only buy what he could afford and didnt want help from anyone. If he couldn't afford a ring, then we would wait to get engaged...we've been together since we were 15 anyway so what's a few more years? Lol Honestly, I would feel awkward wearing a ring given to me by my husband symbolizing our love and commitment to each other if it was paid for by someone else.
The only time I would accept a ring like this is if it was a family ring that got passed down, but even then I would want it reset to make it my own.
When my DH and I were looking at rings, we agreed that he would only buy what he could afford and didnt want help from anyone. If he couldn't afford a ring, then we would wait to get engaged...we've been together since we were 15 anyway so what's a few more years? Lol Honestly, I would feel awkward wearing a ring given to me by my husband symbolizing our love and commitment to each other if it was paid for by someone else.
The only time I would accept a ring like this is if it was a family ring that got passed down, but even then I would want it reset to make it my own.
My in laws gave my husband a handsome sum of money to celebrate earning his JD and he used some of it to purchase my e-ring. They didn't want him dipping into his savings or money he inherited from his grandparents. We got blasted for it on the forum at the time (not so much in real life) because DH was not working yet. He was earning his LLM on top of his JD the year we were engaged and began working a week after the honeymoon.
We were engaged after being together for seven years and we were 25/26 at the time of engagement. His parents were really excited that he was finally proposing. By 26, most men have been in the work force full time for five years, but grad school definitely pushed things back.
I have a small family ring belonging to my great, great grandmother that I inherited, but my husband wanted me to have something nicer. His parents wanted me to have a ring that was as nice as my SIL (they helped out his older brother too while he earned his PhD). There were no strings attached and there has not been an issue about DH using his graduation money for my ring.
In my experience, it has no relevance for how well my husband provides for me in our marriage.
We were engaged after being together for seven years and we were 25/26 at the time of engagement. His parents were really excited that he was finally proposing. By 26, most men have been in the work force full time for five years, but grad school definitely pushed things back.
I have a small family ring belonging to my great, great grandmother that I inherited, but my husband wanted me to have something nicer. His parents wanted me to have a ring that was as nice as my SIL (they helped out his older brother too while he earned his PhD). There were no strings attached and there has not been an issue about DH using his graduation money for my ring.
In my experience, it has no relevance for how well my husband provides for me in our marriage.
I think the man should save up and buy what he can afford. It's his present to his future wife. Giving money to help buy it would mean it wasn't totally his gift. Later on, they can always get an upgrade. I know, I'm old fashioned.
^I feel the same.
My kids aren't old enough, but I won't.
My DH's parents didn't help, thankfully, as this would've been a source of contention for us.
DH bought me what we could afford at the time, which was really nice! But later he wanted to upgrade it. I would've never wanted a ring that he needed help to pay for. I'd rather have a band until we could afford something nicer. . . or not, but I'd want it to be from him. Has nothing to do w/ his ability to provide, etc. . .
A ring/stone being passed down is different
My kids aren't old enough, but I won't.
My DH's parents didn't help, thankfully, as this would've been a source of contention for us.
DH bought me what we could afford at the time, which was really nice! But later he wanted to upgrade it. I would've never wanted a ring that he needed help to pay for. I'd rather have a band until we could afford something nicer. . . or not, but I'd want it to be from him. Has nothing to do w/ his ability to provide, etc. . .
A ring/stone being passed down is different
It would never occur to me to help finance an engagement ring for my son or daughter, and I think I'd be pretty offended if they asked. It's one of those things where they should buy what they can afford, and be honest with themselves and the world with their financial standing.
Help with a down payment for a house? Maybe. An e-ring? No, unless you were handing down a family heirloom for sentimental reasons only. I would be especially concerned that it could be interpreted as an attempt to interfere in whether or when a potential engagement occurred.
I think if someone wants to help their son pay for an ering, that's totally fine. There are all kinds of unique situations and circumstances and one size fits all rules don't work.
I'm on the other side of this, and FH's parents do not have the ability to contribute to an ering, but even if they did, I don't know how I would feel about it. I think I might feel uneasy. But we have friends who just got married and his parents helped pay for her ring. I don't think there's anything inherently *wrong* or inappropriate with that.
I'm on the other side of this, and FH's parents do not have the ability to contribute to an ering, but even if they did, I don't know how I would feel about it. I think I might feel uneasy. But we have friends who just got married and his parents helped pay for her ring. I don't think there's anything inherently *wrong* or inappropriate with that.