Desperately Need Advice re DH's Friends....HELP!

[Charles]

I don't think this is guy is a bad person, but he probably doesn't know that he's doing something annoying. Your husband needs to set him straight in a very considerate way, and really, he doesnt have to be completely honest about it. If lunch comes up, hubby can say "I'd like to, but I'm low on cash". See how long it takes for the friend to offer to pay or stop asking. Have your man tell the friend that he needs to call prior to coming over, and knock first. Tell him he scared the crap out of you just walking in that one time, and out of respect, knock and wait for an answer. If he gets into the fridge, just say whatever he pulls out if for your dinner later, then joke "jeez...don't you ever bring over your own food??". You don't have to be completely straight forward about it and put him on the spot.
Regarding your husband, I'd sit him down and address everything, and do it when you're both calm and not riled up. You're not being unreasonable. There needs to be boundries and your man needs to understand that. Be sure to let him know that you don't want him to drop his friend, rather limit the things his friend gets away with.

 

[gillianna]

I would refuse to cook and not buy food and eat before I come home. I would put a lock on the door and just because someone knocks at the door does not mean you have to answer it.
Hubby needs a talk but it sounds like he is comfortable with the arrangement with his friend. His friends needs to go, he has a wife--let her cook for him. I wish you the best.

 

[luckycharm06]

How your head hasn't blown off, I have no idea!! You must be some sort of angel!!! There is a huge difference between having a FRIEND and having a MOOCHER...this guy = moocher. Eating your food, staying at your house (uninvited, at that! ) and taking up all your hubby's time is 3 steps over the line, if you ask me.

Tell your hubby if he likes to spend so much time with the guy, go over to HIS house. (that will solve problem #1 and #2) If he'd rather be over there a majority of the time than spend it with you, I'd see that as a MAJOR red flag and something that a therapist or your pastor should help you with.

Good luck to you!!!!

 

[winternight]

OMG, poor you! Totally unreasonable! I like Charles' suggestion that you comment something like 'don't you ever bring over your own food?' I think the guy is a creep though. I'd personally stop cooking, but it sounds like your husband will order take out. I think its fair to ask the guy to call first. Maybe in retaliation you should invite a bunch of your friends over for a marathon of S-x and the City.