Christians marrying non-christians?
- Thread starter winternight
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susan-eric said:
Totally agree.
This may seem naive and idealistic to some but I believe we have more things in common than we otherwise may think, if only we would take the time out to 'share'. I married someone of a different race and religion and it totally works. Discuss all the big issues beforehand, don't assume anything.
I have found that the difficulty lies with dealing with the in-laws.
However, I do ponder how our "beliefs" or "lack thereof" would/will effect child rearing?
My father used to berate my mother for taking us to church - he would balk at prayer - that being said, I am NOT a practicing Christian as an adult, and in many ways I now resent organized religion - perhaps because I saw the divide it created between my parents.
My DH went to Christian schools, his parents are very religious, he is not practicing as an adult either; but, I have to watch my P's and Q's when around them - where I can act like a whore and swear like a sailor in front of own mother (ladylike, eh?)
Good luck to your friends - this is a hot button issue and even if the adults think they have it figured out, their attitudes can and will affect any children they may have.
However, I do ponder how our "beliefs" or "lack thereof" would/will effect child rearing?
My father used to berate my mother for taking us to church - he would balk at prayer - that being said, I am NOT a practicing Christian as an adult, and in many ways I now resent organized religion - perhaps because I saw the divide it created between my parents.
My DH went to Christian schools, his parents are very religious, he is not practicing as an adult either; but, I have to watch my P's and Q's when around them - where I can act like a whore and swear like a sailor in front of own mother (ladylike, eh?)
Good luck to your friends - this is a hot button issue and even if the adults think they have it figured out, their attitudes can and will affect any children they may have.
Please don't take offense at all; I'm not judging or criticizing. I just found that comment ironic seeing as the original poster is questioning the success or non-success of a marriage involving two different faiths, and you note that yours did not work.
I also was divorced, so I do know there are many reasons why marriages fail and your divorce may not be as a result of your respective relgions....I just thought someone else might say; "see, it didn't work for them".....
oh just see it! but no we definately did not got dicvorced because of our religions. he was just an ass*** and believe me these come in all religions
alvie223 said:
why do you think so? do you had any kind of problems due to that? sorry if i may sound ignorant but i can not imagine how two religions can do any harm to a childalvie223 said:
That is really interesting because my parents are of two different faiths and I think its made me more open-minded and tolerant. But like I said it was never a problem in my family.
My friend and this guy are talking marriage except he's now asking her if she thinks she might ever convert. They've been dating for a long time so they've had religious talks before, she's just surprised the conversation conversation came up now. The marriage seem to be the carrot....
alvie223 said:
hi - are we long lost sisters -
I do understand - without even hearing your story, I understand. It is confusing and those who can't understand why or how it is confusing on a child have not been in the position of having to chose which parent's God is true - or, if there is even a God at all.
I can see where it can be confusing for children. Children want so much to please their parents and maybe they would feel stuck or torn as to which religion to follow, even if both parents are very supportive of their children's decisions.
I just think no matter what the issue is (religion, discipline, finances) each partner needs to agree and be on the same page. If not, you can create all kinds of confusion and instability for the children. Just my 2 cents.... :shame:
I just think no matter what the issue is (religion, discipline, finances) each partner needs to agree and be on the same page. If not, you can create all kinds of confusion and instability for the children. Just my 2 cents.... :shame:
I think religion is very personal and individual and I also think the "type" of religious individual is important, is he a christian who is lovingly trying to grow spiritually to embody the qualities of jesus or is he a christian who thinks his way is the only way and everyone else is going to hell? That goes for every other religion too btw, not just christianity, imo. i think anyone who is intolerant of anyone else's beliefs and thinks they have the inside track to God or heaven to whatever is not really practicing their religion. They have misunderstood their so called religion and that is where all religious problems in this world have stemmed. I agree with the Dalai Lama who says " my religion is kindness"
And there are qualities I look for in people like compassion, openmindedness, acceptance of others, cooperativeness, nonjudgementalness, and these to me are much more important than what religion someone says they follow. Just my opinion.
I have friends who have parents of different religions who "get it" and they have grown up without any confusion and have included all the religious holidays and festivities that appeal to them in the spirit of celebration. It can be done but not if one of the individuals feels they are superior to the other because of their religious beliefs.
And there are qualities I look for in people like compassion, openmindedness, acceptance of others, cooperativeness, nonjudgementalness, and these to me are much more important than what religion someone says they follow. Just my opinion.
I have friends who have parents of different religions who "get it" and they have grown up without any confusion and have included all the religious holidays and festivities that appeal to them in the spirit of celebration. It can be done but not if one of the individuals feels they are superior to the other because of their religious beliefs.
toiletduck said:
I'm in the same situation as you except that BF is Catholic and I'm a Buddhist. Fortunately, he's also very interested in Buddhism and always want to read up on them and even wears TWO rosaries on his wrist.
It drives his dad nuts! He never preaches about his religion to me and I never preach about mine neither but the weirdest thing is that we are both VERY curious about each other's religion. I'll ask him tons of Qs and he'll do the same too. Damn, reverse psychology does work sometimes! 
I think Christians marrying non-Christians will work but both parties have to try hard to make it work.
With my husband and I neither of our religions dictated a conversion - we have both been accepted by both our families and we actually had two marriage ceremonies - my husband jokes that he has two anniversaries to remember now, hmmm TWO gifts then ?
Seriously it is up to the parents to illustrate the paths available and then step back, why should it be a competition between whose religion is better, don't we all want the same things in the end, aren't they just different means of reaching them?
? Seriously it is up to the parents to illustrate the paths available and then step back, why should it be a competition between whose religion is better, don't we all want the same things in the end, aren't they just different means of reaching them?