can somebody please give me some advice?

#31
gr8heart said:
:yes: She is a tramp! I bet she hasn't been to NYC!
And Pink, 34 yrs is NOT old! I heard that 30's are the new 20's...or something like that...but you know what I mean...I hope!

You have every right to be angry. You deserve the best.
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lol you've made me giggle for the first time all night thank you!
I doubt she has been to NYC, she isnt classy enough for manhattan :jammin:
 
#32
First of all I am so sorry to hear that this is happening so soon in your marriage. If he hasn't done anything yet, you can still save your marriage but beware, a leopard does not change his spots.
I would absolutely confront him in this manner:

"Honey, I love you very much. But I have had a very uncomfortable feeling about this woman and you - so uncomfortable that it drove me to invade your privacy. I would rather though invade your privacy than walk around with a knot in my stomach the size of a small third world country, and have that develop into resentment and false accusations. But what I found out only confirmed my suspicions now. You need to end this thing with this woman or lose me. Its that simple.

If he's willing to go to counseling with you (which I would highly recommend - and make a stipulation of staying together) then go. But you also have to be prepared for the worse as well. If he choses to leave you'll have to let him go and be glad you dodged such a huge bullet now rather than later. Believe me - statistics show that if he is doing this to you, he's going to do this to the next woman, if there is one, as well. He should not have made a comittment to you if he is this immature.

Hope you have alot of friends and family you can rely on for support. You will always have us here in the Forum.
:heart:

p.s. yeah and easy on the 34 years old thing! I just turned a young 44 yesterday man!
:boxing: :lol:
 
#33
^^ ITA with the above. It is also a non-attacking way of approaching him (so he does not attack back). The girl involved is disgusting, this is a married man, she should hope it never happens to her when she is married. His behavior is unacceptable, period, you have not overreacted at all and I don't blame you checking his messages, he left enough clues for you to not trust him already. I feel awful for you sweetheart and hope things work out well for you.
 
#34
So sorry to hear that you're going through this situation. My BF cheated on me when we were in college, and my worst fears were realized when she became pregnant. Of course, we did not last after that (thank goodness). But I can completely relate with how you feel and that dread in the pit of your stomach. Don't despair, you have your Purse Forum friends from all over the world supporting you! Please keep us posted.
 
#35
Woo. Sounds bad. I am very sorry. I have nothing good (based on your information) to say about your husband so I will not say anything. The only thing I will add is that once upon a time I came home to find a voicemail on *our* answering machine from another woman. I am no longer with that man. My heart goes to you.. this is a painful thing to deal with.
 
#36
You've received so much good advice here. Your intuition was telling you something was wrong--that's why you looked into the messages--and you were right. In my opinion, he's having an emotional affair; it may or may not be physical---yet. And he WILL try to turn it around to make you feel guilty. Don't let him trick you like that. You deserve better. Good luck.
 
#37
Label Addict said:
be prepared for him to turn this around as an invasion of privacy clearly you where right to look, when you sit him down to talk he won't be expecting it and will catch him off guard in most situation like this people will then go on the attack rather than defend or explain their actions don't let it become a fight about you looking at emails it's about his actions not yours
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Very true, please keep this in mind, so he doesn't turn this around and confuse you!! I'm glad you're getting angry, you've got every right to be. Whether this has turned into a physical relationship or not seems almost irrelevant, as the texts show the idea has certainly been entertained! As for invading his privacy, I don't even empty my husbands pockets before they go in the wash, he knows this and makes sure everything is out...But believe me, if I had suspicions, his wardrobe, phone and everything else would be ransacked and I wouldn't think twice about it...Don't sit back and take this! You sound like a sweet and patient girl, don't let him take advantage of that. Try to be strong when you confront him and don't let him fob you off with any rubbish, this is serious stuff and only you can decide what to do.
You've been given lots of great advice and support from all our lovely girls, they're really great!!
I think you've already shown great calm here, I would have screamed blue murder as soon as I saw the texts (but I'm just a crazy hothead and it doesn't always pay off...)
Sending big HUGS your way, Pink, we'll always be here! (By the way, you should probably take more notice of others than me, 'cause I get too fired up:nuts:)
 
#38
I just got married a couple of months ago...and I an definitely NOT an expert on relationships (my first marriage, his too), but in my opinion, communication is truly the basis of any relationship, especially a marriage. I agree with everyone else that this is a truly awful situation for you, but you won't feel ok until you talk to him. It is time to get it all out on the table, and hopefully it works out for you.
 
#39
just an update ladies..... it gets worse. :crybaby:

He came home from "work" at 6am this morning.

I looked at the emails again.... i woke up this morning feeling maybe i had overreacted a bit?

Well, guess what? He has deleted the offending emails and was creeping round me this morning like a guilty man.

I got dressed up this afternoon and went shopping to think and avoid him and just come home, its even worse, he was emailing her at 5.00 am this morning, but he has deleted what ever mails he sent her and the subject line was xx as in kisses.

i feel cheated and embaressed and hurt

tomorrow i wil confront him

gutted, devastated
 
#40
pink princess - i hope nothing but the best for you. I know its going to be hard when you confront him tomorrow, but please remember that you really can't go through life having someone treat you like this. You deserve A LOT better!
 
#41
pink princess said:
....i feel cheated and embaressed and hurt
...
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He is a fool. Just remember, HE is the one that is blowing it. Hold your head up as high as you can. Show him the beautiful, strong, woman he is mistreating and is going to lose. Theres nothing more a man can't stand losing than a woman who doesn't need him. And you don't. Marriage should be 2 people who want to be together, not 2 people that HAVE to be together.

Good luck. Keep us posted. He's an idiot.
 
#42
Pink, you deserve SO much better than this. I know it's incredibly heartbreaking and painful, but you need to confront him NOW. Please let us know how you're doing...we're with you!!
 
#45
OMG Pink, I hope that you're hanging in there. Be prepared. Organize your thoughts and approach this like a skilled defense lawyer on final argument. Think of all possible lame excuses he'll say and get your counter-attack ready.Don't be a victim. If he turns out to be a total a**, your life will be better off without him anyway.If he really repents (regret+changing his way), give him another chance. I feel so sad for you and will pray for your wellbeing. Whatever the outcome of this mad situation is, please don't blame yourself.:heart: sending hugs:heart:
 
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