Asian parents

[bleeaptn]

I'm sure Asian parents get jealous of other parents whose kids perform better academically than their own children- yeah probably angry too although some probably just show it by pouring on more pressure. My parents did their fair share of bragging but were never overbearing. I disappointed them by stopping at a B.S. degree. However, after I started succeeding in my career, got married to a great guy and had a beautiful daughter, they are more proud of me than when I was super geek in high school studying day and night stopping only to practice piano.

 

[shani]

I'm not asian, but I'm in awe of those "stereotypical Asian kids." You make it look so easy! You get into the best schools, pull straight A's, take up your fair share of difficult hobbies, are super-disciplined in studying and know how to plan your time just right so that you get really good results _and_ have times for friends and a boyfriend. _And_ you have nice handwriting.

How do you do it, seemingly without breaking into a sweat? What's your secret?

I don't think it's limited to asian parents. What parent wouldn't be proud of their child being successful? I'm certain any parent would happily boast of their child's achievements.... I think that Asian parents in general expect their child to do very well and be more disciplined, and perhaps have higher expectations than other parents... I know my parents never expected less than an A from me and were upset if I got a B+.

I'm doing very well in school, but my parents don't brag about it at family gatherings. They're very polite about it: "She's taking such and such classes, she's really enjoying them, and she's thinking of applying to such-and-such program. Point." It's important to be proud of your accomplishments, but we think it's tacky to use those accomplishments to put others down and make them feel bad.

 

[Christiflora]

Jobs parents don't want their kids to do.
(also non-jobs like Drug dealing, prostitution)
Sorry if I offended anyone by saying "crappy jobs". I meant that from your list, the A, B, And C students all have jobs that parents are usually proud of.

Thanks for clarifying. But that is exactly my point. Asian parents expect their children to get A's, but B and C students turn out just as well off.
As a parent, I think that rather than getting all A's, it is more important that my children try their best and correctly prioritize and balance their school work, social life, and other obligations.

Due to limited time and space, I have left out from the A, B, C lists many jobs, some of which may be favorites of Asian parents and some may not. Whether or not these are "crappy jobs" is subject to interpretation.

 

[me_love_purse]

my parents, mainly my MOM totally loves to brag about my sister, she's the only one in the family thruout that's went to an IVY league school. and my cousin is trying to become a doctor but so far isn't getting very far with applications. so there's a lot of dirt going on in my family about who's kids is doin what and who's got a promotion etc. very very competitive. my mom has been bugging me to either go back to school and get more degrees or find another job with a better "title" because my job just isn't making her happy enough to brag about. nice huh? well sorry if i actually like my job and i like my life the way it is. she sees it as being complacent and lazy. hate asian families.

fayden.... i hate asian families too....
when i chose my major, i pretty much HAD to choose engineering or medical field. at least in my family (who are all asians), if you are not an engineer or a doctor, you shame the whole family. its sad....
i went to what i think a pretty good school, but i remember, when i just started college, we had this get together, and these asians friends of ours asked me where i went to school. i told them.... and they are like...."ooohh" in degrading kind of way .

i have thought about it a lot tho....
i think i understand why asian parents are very competitive. most of asian parents (who are in the generation before me) migrated to the US through education or jobs (most of them through some sort of scholarships to get to the US). They are the best of the best in their countries, and thats why they got to go to the US for school/work. So they also expect their children to be the best of the best too.

 

[MissL]

I totally know how you feel there guys. Being Chinese myself, it's all about competition against other Asians and who gets into what school, who gets what grades, who gets into which college, who gets good jobs, who drives what car, who lives where etc....the list just goes on and on ush: . Wherever there are Asians, there will be gossip

It's like if you get into medicine, law or business, you are a success and if you get into arts or something, you are considered a failure in the eyes of Asians.

However I am glad that my parents aren't too harsh on me and have been supportive of me in the decisions I've made :shame:

 

[amanda]

Okay the parental pressure is pretty bad but I'm convinced this is untrue:

If most A, B, C students have these good jobs, then only people who fail mostly end up with crappy jobs?

or people that don't go at all.

i think that she was just saying is that those are the sort of jobs that predominate for folks based on their previous performance in school, and it makes sense when you think about the characteristics of a person that gets a certain grade in comparison to the characteristics that are prevalent in certain careers. i don't think she was saying that ALL kids who get certain grades are destined for certain careers by any means, and i don't even think she was claiming causation. there are probably larger personality traits that influence both school performance and job choice.

 

[luckycharm06]

I thought am the only one
I'm asian and my parents often brag, so do my uncles and aunties. Worse still, my parents started to comparing cos my relatives bragging so much.

My mom will said something like this (when i was 13 or so), "you see...your auntie's daughter is so feminine, she always wearing a nice dresses...why are you wearing pants (jeans) all the time??"
Then my dad will say something like this,.."uncle xx's daugther got into Berkeley no problem, but you cant even pass maths?, which university you think you can get into?"

Fast forward to yr 2000 onwards, those comparing havent stop actually
When I graduated, then my parents will say, " uncle xx's daughter is now manager, how about you? when are you gonna get promoted?"

When I have a good job, they will say "So....auntie yy's daughter is getting married, when is your turn? You will be so old when your kids grow up (if you leave it too late)".

And because I dont see my parents and relatives often, everytime I go back, the first thing they said is "OMG, have you gain weight? look at cousin zz, she's so skinny!"
Usually I answer them with, "oh am fine thank you "

I never be good enough I guess

ITA - 100%%%

 

[MAGs]

My parents learned their lesson when it came to pressuring us. My older brother rebeled and instead of becoming a doctor (he was already in med school), he dropped out and became a businessman. They've learned to accept what careers we choose. The bragging part has never been an issue in our family. I've heard of other familes(not limited to asian ones) yap nonstop about their accomplishments. It's one thing to try to inspire others and another to point out they have a better paying job than you.

 

[Sarsi]

I'm pure filipina... and I guess i've seen the bragging parents too with some family and friends...
Lucky, that my parent's try not too get into it even if my sister and I did do well...
Whenever we're in a family reunion or any gathering...
and some parents start the BRAG FEST
we... (mom, dad & sis) just give each other the winks

 

[heartfelt]

agh. im asian and my parents totally were under the stereotypical asian parents category when i was in high school. they never wanted me to go out, constantly wanted me to study for the SATs, stuck me in SAT prep classes during my summers, and expected me to always get As. i was a good student in high school. i had a 4.2 gpa, i took tons of AP classes, and i was in alot of extracurrics. of course, that wasn't enough for my parents. they'd constantly compare me to a friend of mine who was naturally smart and my brother who was 7 years older than me and was really good at math and science. when i rebeled, they would constantly yell at me telling me i'd go to PCC (a local community college) if i didnt study more. home life during high school was pretty bad for me and i think my parents were really disappointed in me when i didnt get into my first choice school. now 2 years into college i think my parents have accepted the fact that im not going to become a doctor (they both work at children's hospital LA) and that im not going to transfer to that school i didnt get into. however, when i first told them i was going to be a polisci major they were NOT happy. but then i think they realized that if i went to law school and became a lawyer i could actually make something of myself. ehh. i dont understand asian parents.

nerdphanie--ive gotta say, that stereotype really does exist and i see it ALOT!

 

[emmakins]

My mum is the exact opposite-she agressively modest about her kids. She's always downgrading and putting us below other people's kids. (So by politeness the other parent sticks up for us.)

Maybe that's her way of not putting on too much pressure? Anyway, I don't mind because I don't take in what she says anyway!

Consistent with the stereotype, she still gives me a hard time for not marrying and having children already. (I'm 27.)

 

[Itsabagslife]

It's true true truuuuue~!

I'm lucky in a sense that my parents aren't at all competitive like the way some of my aunts and uncles are of my cousin. They can go on and on and on...... during Chinese New Year visitings... you almost wish you were deaf... it was always about grades, jobs, what car they drove etc etc.

My mum had always hoped we performed well in school but never really pressured us, she's sort of like emmakins' Mum! Always putting us down in front of other ppl but we didn't really mind because we knew what she was doing it for: Shutting them up!
My dad on the other hand, is funny because he brags about us in front of friends and relatives but comes home and puts US down, tells us how well his friends' kids/ cousins are doing and how much we suck!

I was never very much of an academic person and unlike my other siblings, I gave up my University degree to work in the family business since I've always preferred being in a work environment as compared to books.
My dad on the other hand, is funny because he brags about us in front of his friends and relatives but comes home and puts US down, tells us how well his friends' kids/ cousins are doing.

My MIL is a modest woman but will brag if given a chance to, especially about my hubby and his accomplishments etc etc.

Thinking back, I used to feel pressured by what my aunts and uncle would say when I was younger even though Mum always told me not to. My sis was a model child, she got straight As, was class monitor, honors student etc and I used to always get picked on by her back then. I was constantly compared with her although it's a different ball game now! Lol!

I think every parent wants to be proud of something their child did and in a way, 'announce' to others of their achievements. I'm sure this behaviour is not limited to Asians but probably Asians are more competitive and aggressive about it since it all boils down to seeing who's the 'Better' family.

 

[merika]

Asian parents are a different breed entirely. We were all expected to go to college. Then all of us who were in college were expected to go to grad school in the US. We were supposed to get as much education as we possibly could get - M.D /professional engineer / Ph.D /JD. One of my friends quit grad school (after her masters!) and went back home only to be asked by her parents why she was back so soon!

So guess what I'm doing? I'm in grad school!!! And when things get really stressful I blame my mom for not being like my aunt who said anything was okay for her kids so long as they were happy (her daughter dropped out of school in 10th grade). Makes my mom really mad Sometimes I feel like my parents' expectations (my dad died 16 years ago. The pressure is not one whit less) push me along when things are too stresful for me - but then I genuinely like what I'm doing.

 

[Eugin]

My parents learned their lesson when it came to pressuring us. My older brother rebeled and instead of becoming a doctor (he was already in med school), he dropped out and became a businessman. They've learned to accept what careers we choose. The bragging part has never been an issue in our family. I've heard of other familes(not limited to asian ones) yap nonstop about their accomplishments. It's one thing to try to inspire others and another to point out they have a better paying job than you.

That's brave of your brother. One of my friends is a doctor, and she doesn't feel its the right career for her anymore. However, she's the family's first doctor so she feels this pressure especially from her parents to keep going or risk "disappointing" them.

 

[MAGs]

^^Yeah. He was "lost" for awhile. My Dad just didn't want anything to do with him. Until one day, I guess everyone just moved on. It's been great ever since.