I’m still struggling with being retriggered. I had to go to a work related concert last night which was beautiful but listening to music is emotive and difficult in the situation where the whole audience knows who I am and I can’t leave. My new therapist has been very helpful by email and this is reassuring. We have an appointment next week. This is good as my mood is low with some flashbacks and lots of unhealthy ruminating.
I think I’ve realised since beginning schema work in therapy, that shopping is a mental crutch for me as well as a hobby. At some levels it’s a MH issue. At one level, I need to look and feel good (having been told I don’t by M and abused for my choices by my ex). I don’t want anyone to be able to be critical. At another functional level, looking at things to buy online is a constant activity that stops me thinking with the buzz that comes from purchasing wonderful but short lived. It’s an addiction in the same way as my tendency to overwork and food related issues, none of these are now at the level of being self destructive, but they are to some extent maladaptive nevertheless.
With my Mini Alexa being squeal worthy and the pale pink Brioche being that sought after neutral, my bag urges are satisfied for a while. I’m no longer so drawn to the
Gucci Marmont. Only the flap version has the practical option of doubling the strap for shoulder carry that the Brioche has and a pale colour would get terrible dye transfer. Therefore, I’m stating I want to shop my own collection for the rest of the year and into next. Please feel free to remind me of this!
The only thing I’m considering is a shoulder strap for my mini Alexa. Adding this would give that shoulder carry option to protect it from dye transfer too (it’s crossbody or top handle only at the moment) but the strap along is nearly £400. Costs more than many bags and makes the Alexa seriously pricey. Would need to see it on to know if it would work with the style but I think it would.
Also, I just bought my sister a leather Ted Baker camera bag in a flash (all stock) sale to give her as a birthday present next month and it’s lovely less than 1/4 of the cost of the pink Mulberry strap alone! My sister has one Radley bag she uses for everything plus a MK I gave her recently. I’m hoping this will be a fun bag for casual use when our families go on holiday together in August.
Clothes wise, I don’t need anything except a pair of shorts for the summer. None of mine fit - too big or too small! I’ve also seen some neutral pink sandals which are crying out to be bought for my Nice holiday. Not buying anything here will be more of a problem than bags when there are so many beautiful things around. I’m not sure I can manage!
Edit: sorry for the long post - clearly using TPF as a MH break/distraction this morning.