Asking for too many favors... advice?

eff

eff

O.G.
Jan 26, 2006
1,694
0
#1
Sorry for the long post... I'm a university student, and there's this woman in my Philosophy of Law class who is constantly asking for favors. At first she just asked for notes because she'd missed the first 2 classes. She gave me this whole thing about how hard it was to adjust to going back to school in her 40s and I felt bad for her, so I even took the time to explain some stuff to her that she didn't get. But it didn't stop there. Since then, she's basically gone to class only to listen, while I take extremely detailed notes. After class she'll say "Do you think you can give me your notes? I just have such a hard time keeping up." Now it's starting to get on my nerves that while I'm getting hand cramps trying to keep up with our incoherent professor, she's just reclining in her chair, knowing I'm basically taking notes for her.

Then last week she told me she got a 2 week extension for her paper because of the classes she missed--though the paper wasn't even on anything from those classes. I was annoyed at that, but I thought such is life(though it was unfair I had to go crazy trying to write an original 10 page paper with no outside sources in a short amount of time while keeping up with five other classes and she got an extension for basically nothing). But now after she saw that I got an A, she's had the nerve to ask if she can see my paper to "get an idea."

Me: :wtf:

Maybe I'm overreacting, but this is really bothering me. I know it's partly my fault for being so nice. I even said okay hoping she'd forget, but when it comes down to it I'm just going to have to tell her no. I don't want to be rude, I do have to be in class with her for the rest of the semester, so how can I say no politely to the paper and to continuously taking notes for her?
 
#2
Other tha treating her with basic courtesy, you don't owe her anything!! As kindly as possible, just explain to her that you don't feel comfortable lending out your paper, and then just as nicely suggest that she buy herself a tape recorder to tape the professor, if she writes so slowly. Just say NO....
 
#3
Don't show her your paper!

And the next time she asks to see your notes using the 'it's so hard to keep up' excuse, tell her to get a little tape recorder for class.

There's a fine line between being helpful and being used. (And you know what? If she doesn't get a good grade then it's her own fault. You don't owe her anything.)

Just look out for you and your grades.
 
#4
that's so tough. i'm sorry that you're in this posistion.

my only advice is that you can do or say pretty much anything as long as you smile sincerely when you do it. i also wouldn't let her see your paper or notes anymore. it's halfway through the semester...she should be back in the swing of things by now and if she's not, she should be finding the resources to help her.
 
#5
Personally, I think you should just tell her no.
If you feel you need to give her a reason, just tell her that you just aren't able to share your paper right now and you need your notes today.

But really I don't think she needs an explanation. She is an adult and she decided to go back to school, so she is the only one that can take charge of her education and should do these things herself.
 
#6
annemerrick said:
Other tha treating her with basic courtesy, you don't owe her anything!! As kindly as possible, just explain to her that you don't feel comfortable lending out your paper, and then just as nicely suggest that she buy herself a tape recorder to tape the professor, if she writes so slowly. Just say NO....
Click to expand...

I agree. She is taking advantage of you. I am 43 and take classes every now and then. It is MY responsibility to take notes and study and PAY ATTENTION! Just kindly tell her that she really needs to take her own notes or record them if she wants to get the most out of the class and that you don't need the additional pressure she is putting on you. the nerve!:mad:
also suggest to her that if she is having difficulty with the class to hire a tutor.
 
#7
Thanks for the advice, everyone... I know I have to just say no, I guess I'm just scared of her taking it the wrong way and giving me an attitude for the next two months. :\
 
#8
eff said:
Thanks for the advice, everyone... I know I have to just say no, I guess I'm just scared of her taking it the wrong way and giving me an attitude for the next two months. :\
Click to expand...


Don't worry, once the semester is over, hopefully you won't have to deal with her anymore. If she gives you an attitude, that's her problem. You're under no obligation to lend her notes, much less your paper! It's not fair to you, and you should tell her no. She'll get over it, and probably find someone else to try and take advantage of.

Good luck!
 
#9
eff said:
Sorry for the long post... I'm a university student, and there's this woman in my Philosophy of Law class who is constantly asking for favors. At first she just asked for notes because she'd missed the first 2 classes. She gave me this whole thing about how hard it was to adjust to going back to school in her 40s and I felt bad for her, so I even took the time to explain some stuff to her that she didn't get. But it didn't stop there. Since then, she's basically gone to class only to listen, while I take extremely detailed notes. After class she'll say "Do you think you can give me your notes? I just have such a hard time keeping up." Now it's starting to get on my nerves that while I'm getting hand cramps trying to keep up with our incoherent professor, she's just reclining in her chair, knowing I'm basically taking notes for her.

Then last week she told me she got a 2 week extension for her paper because of the classes she missed--though the paper wasn't even on anything from those classes. I was annoyed at that, but I thought such is life(though it was unfair I had to go crazy trying to write an original 10 page paper with no outside sources in a short amount of time while keeping up with five other classes and she got an extension for basically nothing). But now after she saw that I got an A, she's had the nerve to ask if she can see my paper to "get an idea."

Me: :wtf:

Maybe I'm overreacting, but this is really bothering me. I know it's partly my fault for being so nice. I even said okay hoping she'd forget, but when it comes down to it I'm just going to have to tell her no. I don't want to be rude, I do have to be in class with her for the rest of the semester, so how can I say no politely to the paper and to continuously taking notes for her?
Click to expand...

Speaking as someone who is in graduate school in her 40s -- I call BS (on her, not you!)

She is just plain lazy and a user and it has nothing to do with her having trouble going to school at her age.

If she was taking copious notes and then offering to exchange notes with you to see if either of you had missed something, that is one thing, but what she is doing is just plain wrong and abusive:cursing:
 
#10
robyn said:
Speaking as someone who is in graduate school in her 40s -- I call BS (on her, not you!)

She is just plain lazy and a user and it has nothing to do with her having trouble going to school at her age.

If she was taking copious notes and then offering to exchange notes with you to see if either of you had missed something, that is one thing, but what she is doing is just plain wrong and abusive:cursing:
Click to expand...

Yeah, I went back to grad school in my late 30's--it was MY responsibility to take notes, do research, write papers, and not miss classes. You can look at it as not really doing her a favor, because she's not learning what she needs to. Tell her you're not comfortable continuing to do it--you have enough to do taking care of your own class requirements. No more Ms. Nice Gal--her gravy train has left the station and she's not on it.
 
#12
Im older and in school also....I would not help her out so much....

Once in a while is one thing...but this is her trying to ease her way around the real learning....you should not feel bad but...

Rather you should, for her sake, let her handle it. She will not give you a hard time b/c she will make herself look stupid....
 
#13
no i think you should be like. when she asks you for your notes like no i'm sorry I need to go study right now. esp if she's getting special favors maybe this woman whould just ask the professor for her notes
 
#14
OMG that is soo unfair ... try avoiding her, for me lending my notebook is OK but not my own effort ( papers/projects/assignments) .. never give her ur own work papers, projects etc ,, NEVER ...
 
#15
Just tackle this head on & be straight & say 'no, you can't see my paper and I'm not happy to lend you my notes constantly while you make little effort to take any yourself. I'll help when I can, but not at the expense of my education'.

& leave it at that, if shes a cow about it, so what? She'll only be making herself look stupid & petty. It might seem like a big thing to be faced with now, but honestly, its not that much & I'm sure once you've confronted her, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Good luck & be firm but polite, you're not in the wrong here, that moocher is.
 
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