Would you buy your own engagement ring?

[MmeM124]

Hi All,

I’ve been dating a wonderful
guy for a few years now. We were both married before and not looking to remarry AT ALL. We both have children from our previous marriages and our divorces killed us both financially. Marriage was not on the table for us.

Now fast forward to today. We now feel ready and want to get married. Although things are improving for us both financially he is very practical and pragmatic. He doesn’t want to get “engaged” but just go and get married.

Engagement rings are expensive and I know he can’t afford what I would really like. However, I do love the idea of getting engaged and wearing a ring proudly.

I do have jewelry from my first marriage and I don’t know if I should sell it and see what we can get for it or just forgo the engagement part and just get married like he says. I’m a traditionalist when it comes to certain things, but I also don’t want him financing a ring or tapping into his savings that he’s been working on. I also know a ring doesn’t make a marriage work but they sure are pretty to look at.

What are your thoughts? Would you feel comfortable financing your own ring with your own jewelry or even some of your own money? Or just allow him to get you what he feels comfortable paying even tho it may not be what you really want. I know that may sound shallow, but I need to be honest.

Thoughts?

I was in my first year of grad school and my husband was a senior in college when we got engaged. We split the cost of the ring. Everyone then assumed he paid for it all - no one really asks that question you know? It would be rude! Also to me it made sense - it’s a joint partnership. And by doing this we were definitely able to afford something nicer. I guess the only caveat is we’ve shared finances since then as well, which not everyone does.

 

[beachkaka]

I think the ring should not be a financial burden of a husband, it should be something that has most beautiful sentimental memories attached with it. So if he can’t afford what you want, I think sharing the expenses to get what you want sounds a way to go.

However I personally wouldn’t do that as I see an engagement ring should come from the husband, (if there is such culture that my man needs an engagement ring too, I would be totally fine to put a diamond engagement ring on my husband too. ) My husband is a financial pragmatic guy too, he invested heavily on real estate but thinks a diamond engagement ring is wasting money, that’s why I have been married for 9 years and we have 2 girls, I only have my wedding band on my finger, even though I wanted a Cartier engagement ring so bad and I can buy one for myself but that will lose all the meaning of the idea of I once been engaged with him not to myself or the ring should be simply called dressing ring. At least that’s how I feel about myself, if he doesn’t want to put an engagement ring on me I will deal with the man that I chose myself, if he changed mind then that will be fantastic. But I am total fine with others to do so, if you think nothing bothers you and your husband, just do whatever you like, there is no rule for an engagement ring, at the end, it’s just a ring, it should make you happy whatever the choice you made, not the other way round.