I think it's fine to contribute toward your ring, either by selling/trading in the old jewelry or adding some money. You're a team, even if you don't completely pool your money after being married I'm sure you will both contribute to financial as well as non-financial things for the family, and it will never be perfectly even. Sometimes one of you will pay or give more, sometimes the other one will have to. You know it's the right relationship when neither side keeps score.
Would you buy your own engagement ring?
- Thread starter meluvs2shop
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Use your old ring to trade up towards something you can pick together. 
Can you post a picture of the ring you want?
Maybe you can have your partner purchase a single stone ring, and you can upgrade it in the future with the band you love?
Maybe you can have your partner purchase a single stone ring, and you can upgrade it in the future with the band you love?
I don’t think she’s selfish at all!!!!! When my husband and I talked about getting married, he asked me what kind of ring I wanted, and I told him. And that’s what I got. It didn’t make it any less special when he got down on one knee to propose!!! I loved it then and I love it now, 20 years later
. I know a lot of other ladies who did this with their spouses. Personally, I don’t see the difference between doing that, and the question the OP asked. And to be perfectly clear, my hubby chose his wedding band because I wanted to make sure it was something HE liked.
. I know a lot of other ladies who did this with their spouses. Personally, I don’t see the difference between doing that, and the question the OP asked. And to be perfectly clear, my hubby chose his wedding band because I wanted to make sure it was something HE liked.And while I can appreciate the sentimentality of letting him “pick”, if you don’t like what he chooses, you’re kinda stuck with it. I see nothing wrong with telling you’re future spouse exactly what design styles you find beautiful.
OP - In my humble opinion, out with the old and use it to buy what you AND your future hubby will be happy with... and congratulations!!!
It's a tricky situation. Because people can use the same argument either way.
In the end, a ring is just a thing. And while it is very easy for someone anonymous to come online and say it is disrespectful or hurtful to want anything other than what he does or don't give you and you should happy with what you get (or don't) because just doing something to please you makes him unhappy well, I'm not sure how that a good relationship marker either. One person shouldn't have to be miserable at the expense of the other, him or her. And you can use the same argument that he is disrespecting you as well by asking you to forgo something you may find important...and end up in the same fruitless and pointless position.
I've been married, and divorced and married again. I had no rings in my previous marriage. This time I do. I have also changed rings (stones and setting) more than once. When I did upgrade (I'm done now) it has always been with deep discussion and his blessing. I always have contributed substantially to the changes because of the kind of stone I wanted (and that was something very particular that only I could choose).
If I were to do it all again, I'd spend more time be very very honest with myself about what I like. I would have gone big earlier. Sadly, I did not know that was what I really wanted until some time after so catch 22 there. It would have been less expensive in the long run than all the shuffling around and unhappiness and stress the past 7 years if I'd known sooner. I would have sold off as much as I could that I wasn't wearing anymore and put that on top of the original budget. But, I think we were both thinking too traditionally and he wanted it to be from him only so that's how it went. At the time, the budget was much smaller not because of lack of finances, but the "mental" allocation on both our parts (for how much an e-ring should cost) was only for so much.
You have a right to be happy as well. A ring is an outward symbol of your relationship and you have to wear it every day you are together, so you should wear something you like, will be happy with too, and be happy to put on every day. (!) It's a celebretory gesture IMO! And well, too may times women are asked to put their personal preferences/happiness aside and "just be glad someone wants to marry you at all" (which I personally think is a terrible mindset but all too common).
If I were in your position, I would sell what is no longer important, and discuss with him your options.
-Pooling resources for an e-ring. (probably my least favorite choice)
- Letting him be in charge of a wedding band (one that you LIKE) and wearing whatever ring you would like with it (maybe getting a ring for yourself that could work on the right hand or left hand as an e-ring.)
- Have you considered a stand alone diamond (or other stone) eternity band instead of a traditional ring? Lots of bling if you are sparkle oriented like I am, but without the traditional connotations of ring and band pair.
- Consider a fancy colored diamond if diamond is what you are looking for! It might be more palatable to him than the traditional "white stone in white metal" e-ring look. And maybe easier to use as a RHR.
The important thing is to be able to discuss it without anger or rancor. In any reasonable relationship, it seems like you should be able to come to some amicable and workable compromise that takes care of you BOTH.
In the end, a ring is just a thing. And while it is very easy for someone anonymous to come online and say it is disrespectful or hurtful to want anything other than what he does or don't give you and you should happy with what you get (or don't) because just doing something to please you makes him unhappy well, I'm not sure how that a good relationship marker either. One person shouldn't have to be miserable at the expense of the other, him or her. And you can use the same argument that he is disrespecting you as well by asking you to forgo something you may find important...and end up in the same fruitless and pointless position.
I've been married, and divorced and married again. I had no rings in my previous marriage. This time I do. I have also changed rings (stones and setting) more than once. When I did upgrade (I'm done now) it has always been with deep discussion and his blessing. I always have contributed substantially to the changes because of the kind of stone I wanted (and that was something very particular that only I could choose).
If I were to do it all again, I'd spend more time be very very honest with myself about what I like. I would have gone big earlier. Sadly, I did not know that was what I really wanted until some time after so catch 22 there. It would have been less expensive in the long run than all the shuffling around and unhappiness and stress the past 7 years if I'd known sooner. I would have sold off as much as I could that I wasn't wearing anymore and put that on top of the original budget. But, I think we were both thinking too traditionally and he wanted it to be from him only so that's how it went. At the time, the budget was much smaller not because of lack of finances, but the "mental" allocation on both our parts (for how much an e-ring should cost) was only for so much.
You have a right to be happy as well. A ring is an outward symbol of your relationship and you have to wear it every day you are together, so you should wear something you like, will be happy with too, and be happy to put on every day. (!) It's a celebretory gesture IMO! And well, too may times women are asked to put their personal preferences/happiness aside and "just be glad someone wants to marry you at all" (which I personally think is a terrible mindset but all too common).
If I were in your position, I would sell what is no longer important, and discuss with him your options.
-Pooling resources for an e-ring. (probably my least favorite choice)
- Letting him be in charge of a wedding band (one that you LIKE) and wearing whatever ring you would like with it (maybe getting a ring for yourself that could work on the right hand or left hand as an e-ring.)
- Have you considered a stand alone diamond (or other stone) eternity band instead of a traditional ring? Lots of bling if you are sparkle oriented like I am, but without the traditional connotations of ring and band pair.
- Consider a fancy colored diamond if diamond is what you are looking for! It might be more palatable to him than the traditional "white stone in white metal" e-ring look.
And maybe easier to use as a RHR.The important thing is to be able to discuss it without anger or rancor. In any reasonable relationship, it seems like you should be able to come to some amicable and workable compromise that takes care of you BOTH.
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here's my story so my opinion.
I was married for over 30 years and started out with a small (but appropriate at the time) e-ring and wedding band. Every 10 years of marriage, my husband would upgrades my e-ring, so after a few upgrades, some nice stones.
I enjoy wearing them all.
I have been widowed now for 4 years and totally out of the blue, found love again.
I have bought my own e-ring because I like what I like and what I would like is completely out of my new guy's price range.
But I am marrying for total love, so who has more funds is not part of it.
Get what you want if you can, and your guy loves you and wants you happy, so all should be fine.
ps - I also bought my new husband the ring he wanted. I want to wear the rings to show our commitment, who cares who paid for them.
I was married for over 30 years and started out with a small (but appropriate at the time) e-ring and wedding band. Every 10 years of marriage, my husband would upgrades my e-ring, so after a few upgrades, some nice stones.
I enjoy wearing them all.
I have been widowed now for 4 years and totally out of the blue, found love again.
I have bought my own e-ring because I like what I like and what I would like is completely out of my new guy's price range.
But I am marrying for total love, so who has more funds is not part of it.
Get what you want if you can, and your guy loves you and wants you happy, so all should be fine.
ps - I also bought my new husband the ring he wanted. I want to wear the rings to show our commitment, who cares who paid for them.
I bought my rings. I make 3x what my husband makes. A lot of expensive purchases fall to me and I don't mind. He didn't buy me with the ring and he doesn't put value on rings at all (his parents never wore theirs, and he doesn't wear a wedding band now) so it was important to me and I paid for it.
First, congratulations!! I love the idea of buying the ring together, I find it takes a lot of maturity on both parts to do it this ways. That being said, I'm not a fan of purchasing the new ring with the ex's ring, the symbolism of it is problematic...so I would suggest either keep the ex's ring for your daughter or sell it to buy her diamonds for her graduation or an important event in her futur. The rest of the jewelry you don't wear, you could sell and put money towards your new ring.
Sounds like you've got lots of advice.
Just sharing my story to hopefully inspire other options. I received a "placeholder" ring when I got engaged. The idea was that he knew I was particular and wanted to choose together, and there was also a tight budget. When it came to it, I was able to trade in my placeholder ring for my permanent and well-cherished ring.
Hope whatever decision you make will make you both happy
Just sharing my story to hopefully inspire other options. I received a "placeholder" ring when I got engaged. The idea was that he knew I was particular and wanted to choose together, and there was also a tight budget. When it came to it, I was able to trade in my placeholder ring for my permanent and well-cherished ring.
Hope whatever decision you make will make you both happy
UPDATE:
We’re engaged! I never EVER thought it would happen this quickly. When I originally posted it was a recent conversation we had, but never thought in less than two months we would be engaged.
So, we sold some of my jewelry including my engagement ring from my x husband. We looked at loose stones and we picked the stone together and both agreed, that was the one. He picked the setting. Plain thin platinum solitaire. My fiancé
was adamant that he didn’t want a large stone. Something more representational of where we are at in our lives and working hard on achieving what we lost in our divorces. I had a large ering in the past so it’s something I have to get use to. 
This new ring is beautiful and I’m very happy with it. He’s going to buy our wedding bands which I think truly signifies our union together.
I want to thank you ALL for responding. You all gave me your honest opinions and I valued and read all of them. But as my friend said, jewelry is meant to be worn and not stored in a safe.
Happy New Year!
We’re engaged! I never EVER thought it would happen this quickly. When I originally posted it was a recent conversation we had, but never thought in less than two months we would be engaged.
So, we sold some of my jewelry including my engagement ring from my x husband. We looked at loose stones and we picked the stone together and both agreed, that was the one. He picked the setting. Plain thin platinum solitaire. My fiancé
was adamant that he didn’t want a large stone. Something more representational of where we are at in our lives and working hard on achieving what we lost in our divorces. I had a large ering in the past so it’s something I have to get use to. This new ring is beautiful and I’m very happy with it. He’s going to buy our wedding bands which I think truly signifies our union together.I want to thank you ALL for responding. You all gave me your honest opinions and I valued and read all of them. But as my friend said, jewelry is meant to be worn and not stored in a safe.
Happy New Year!
UPDATE:
We’re engaged! I never EVER thought it would happen this quickly. When I originally posted it was a recent conversation we had, but never thought in less than two months we would be engaged.
So, we sold some of my jewelry including my engagement ring from my x husband. We looked at loose stones and we picked the stone together and both agreed, that was the one. He picked the setting. Plain thin platinum solitaire. My fiancé
I want to thank you ALL for responding. You all gave me your honest opinions and I valued and read all of them. But as my friend said, jewelry is meant to be worn and not stored in a safe.
Happy New Year!
Congratulations!
My engagement ring (that I bought) is a .55ct. I can wear it anywhere and never fear that it's inappropriate. I love it and the only person who needs to be happy is you (and your intended)UPDATE:
We’re engaged! I never EVER thought it would happen this quickly. When I originally posted it was a recent conversation we had, but never thought in less than two months we would be engaged.
So, we sold some of my jewelry including my engagement ring from my x husband. We looked at loose stones and we picked the stone together and both agreed, that was the one. He picked the setting. Plain thin platinum solitaire. My fiancé
I want to thank you ALL for responding. You all gave me your honest opinions and I valued and read all of them. But as my friend said, jewelry is meant to be worn and not stored in a safe.
Happy New Year!
Congratulations!
I love your story and I can relate on so many levels. Congratulations on finding love again. HNY!