Would you buy your own engagement ring?

TPF may earn a commission from merchant affiliate
links, including eBay, Amazon, and others

meluvs2shop

meluvs2shop

In Love
Moderator
O.G.
Jul 15, 2007
11,463
7,169
#1
Hi All,

I’ve been dating a wonderful
guy for a few years now. We were both married before and not looking to remarry AT ALL. We both have children from our previous marriages and our divorces killed us both financially. Marriage was not on the table for us.

Now fast forward to today. We now feel ready and want to get married. Although things are improving for us both financially he is very practical and pragmatic. He doesn’t want to get “engaged” but just go and get married.

Engagement rings are expensive and I know he can’t afford what I would really like. However, I do love the idea of getting engaged and wearing a ring proudly.

I do have jewelry from my first marriage and I don’t know if I should sell it and see what we can get for it or just forgo the engagement part and just get married like he says. I’m a traditionalist when it comes to certain things, but I also don’t want him financing a ring or tapping into his savings that he’s been working on. I also know a ring doesn’t make a marriage work but they sure are pretty to look at.

What are your thoughts? Would you feel comfortable financing your own ring with your own jewelry or even some of your own money? Or just allow him to get you what he feels comfortable paying even tho it may not be what you really want. I know that may sound shallow, but I need to be honest.

Thoughts? :flowers:
 
Last edited:
#2
I think it would be nice for him to buy you something you like within his means. Perhaps a simple diamond band or with your favorite colored stones, something that you could stack later with your dream ring.

Also, there are stores that will let you trade your diamond in for a larger one later, that could be an option.

If you don’t wear or care for your jewelry from your previous marriage then I say why not trade it in and apply toward something you like now or later.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GraffS, sexycombover, Clairen4 and 3 others
#4
Mrs.Z said:
I think it would be nice for him to buy you something you like within his means. Perhaps a simple diamond band or with your favorite colored stones, something that you could stack later with your dream ring.

Also, there are stores that will let you trade your diamond in for a larger one later, that could be an option.

If you don’t wear or care for your jewelry from your previous marriage then I say why not trade it in and apply toward something you like now or later.
Click to expand...
Thank you! I don’t wear most of the jewelry. A part of me wanted to give it to my daughter, but I don’t need to sell everything. I could keep a couple of pieces for her. My old ering, I don’t wear anymore. It’s been in a safe for years.

And thank you! We’re excited!
 
#5
It's a common thing to want to pass down pieces..but to be honest, most tastes change so much that your daughter may only want a select few. Have you asked her? I've told my mom I only want 2 items, so either sell the rest, melt the metal down and/or do as you wish. Perhaps then you could design a new ring?The other items aren't bringing you any joy sitting in a safe. Other than that..no personally I wouldn't pay for my own.
 
  • Like
Reactions: meluvs2shop
#6
TC1 said:
It's a common thing to want to pass down pieces..but to be honest, most tastes change so much that your daughter may only want a select few. Have you asked her? I've told my mom I only want 2 items, so either sell the rest, melt the metal down and/or do as you wish. Perhaps then you could design a new ring?The other items aren't bringing you any joy sitting in a safe. Other than that..no personally I wouldn't pay for my own.
Click to expand...
Thank you! She’s too young without her saying she wants it all. :biggrin:

Would you use the money you earned in selling your jewelry towards a new engagement ring?
 
#8
I think you should talk to him about what he would be comfortable with. As long as it doesn’t bother him, I see no reason why you shouldn’t get what you want. So few second marriages are such that you are two separate households before the engagement and so few people are truly surprised by the style of their e-ring. So really, they are paying for it and picking it in a less direct way. He can buy you a gorgeous band to go with it.

You do what makes you happy. And congratulations!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sparkletastic, Pevi, Kidclarke and 1 other person
#9
When I got divorced, I sold most of my jewelry but kept a few pieces for my daughter. One of the things I did was to sell the diamond in one of my rings and replace it with her birthstone in the setting. I put the money towards other jewelry I would wear without the memories. I also purchased a wonderful diamond pave ring to wear on my right hand as I missed wearing a pretty diamond ring.

I don’t see anything wrong with you buying yourself a pretty diamond ring for yourself. You don’t have to call it an engagement ring.
 
  • Like
Reactions: anabg and meluvs2shop
#10
A1aGypsy said:
I think you should talk to him about what he would be comfortable with. As long as it doesn’t bother him, I see no reason why you shouldn’t get what you want. So few second marriages are such that you are two separate households before the engagement and so few people are truly surprised by the style of their e-ring. So really, they are paying for it and picking it in a less direct way. He can buy you a gorgeous band to go with it.

You do what makes you happy. And congratulations!
Click to expand...
Thank you! We talked about it. I’m an honest upfront person and so is he. Once we knew marriage was on the table we talked about what he would be comfortable spending on a ring. Again, I know he would get me something nice within his budget, but I’m also a realist and thought, while that is so nice it’s not what I really want. After a few days or so later I asked him what he thought if I sold my engagement ring. He had to process what I told him and didn’t answer me right away.

Eventually he said, it’s up to me. He can buy me what he can afford or we can use my engagement ring. He just wants me comfortable with that decision. And I am.
 
#11
ODEDIHAIMS said:
When I got divorced, I sold most of my jewelry but kept a few pieces for my daughter. One of the things I did was to sell the diamond in one of my rings and replace it with her birthstone in the setting. I put the money towards other jewelry I would wear without the memories. I also purchased a wonderful diamond pave ring to wear on my right hand as I missed wearing a pretty diamond ring.

I don’t see anything wrong with you buying yourself a pretty diamond ring for yourself. You don’t have to call it an engagement ring.
Click to expand...
Thank you! I like what you did for your daughter especially her birthstone ring! The more I think of it the more I wonder why I am holding on to some of my jewelry. I guess, truth be told, I loved my engagement ring and still do. But I don’t wear it anymore and won’t wear it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ODEDIHAIMS
#12
No I wouldn’t. Whatever he can afford...it doesn’t have to be a diamond. It’s the meaning behind the ring. But if he doesn’t feel comfortable at all buying a ring then that would be my answer. He may not be comfortable with you buying the ring either. It would have more meaning to me if my fiancé purchased it....regardless how expensive or not it is.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Passerine123, anabg, BigAkoya and 1 other person
#13
Think of it as buying your own ring and wearing it on the ring finger instead of “engagement ring”. It’s perfectly fine. I love gemstone rings. I would wear the gemstone ring that matches my outfit of the day on my ring finger instead of my e-ring. It’s serving two purposes, makes an outfit look great and shows I’m married!
 
#14
Congratulations !!!
If I was in your situation I wouldn't hesitate to buy the ring I like and want. Why would I punish him by forcing him to pay above the budget he is comfortable with (I know it is not the case) and punish myself by wearing a ring when my heart is set on another.
You can both buy it, top up his budget and get the ring you want. Some people are more traditional than others and it would bother them. It depends on how you both feel about. That's what only matetrs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sparkletastic, bergafer3 and Duessa
#15
Hi! I will be brutally honest. I think it’s selfish of you and disrespectful to him to buy the ring you want because “he can’t afford it.” It is meaning of the ring, and marriage is about being a couple, marriage is not about you.

I would suggest he buy a nice wedding band. You can just wear a nice band. He will be so proud and happy when he sees you wear it. Then you can buy a right hand ring with your own money.

On using your previous ring, a big no. He paused, meaning he was not excited about it, but he eventually said yes and sacrificed to make you happy. Why would you want to wear your ex’s engagement ring? It is an insult to him, that is why he paused. What man wants to look like a wimp who couldn’t buy his fiancé the ring she wanted, so she ended up wearing her ex’s ring? You prioritized a ring over him. I would never insult my husband that way.

Your fiancé sounds like a lovely man, kind, and giving. It’s clear he wants to make you happy. I would give him the same respect he gives you. A marriage is a two way street.

A wedding ring is symbolic. Find his budget and get a nice wedding band. Then sell all your old jewelry you don’t wear and use that to buy a nice right hand ring. Passing down jewelry is a myth... most kids don’t like the styles.

Sorry for being so honest and you and others may disagree with this. I do hope this might give you a different perspective to consider.

Just my two cents.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top