I've always felt that a thing is just a thing. I attach no special significance to things because life has shown me that they can get lost/stolen. When we got engaged, money was tight, but I had a very nice 1.2ct solitaire. After a few years I upgraded and added. It used to be understood that as circumstances changed, rings could change too, just like houses could change. It's not the relationship, it's an adornment.
Updating engagement/wedding rings - why?
- Thread starter Amazona
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Once again you've said it all so eloquently RedPlanet.
When I spotted your I.D. I felt a bit of a thrill because I've always enjoyed your posts and I'm pleased to see you've returned.
I'm so sorry to hear about the trials you and your husband have been through, but I'm glad you're both eager to begin a new chapter in your lives.
Have you thought about having your original stone put into a new setting for a right-hand ring? I know some who've done that.
Here's to new adventures in your life!
HEY BPS!!! Thank you for the shout out. That made my day! Feels nice to be back - I just had so much going on I couldn't keep up with board posting so closed it out for awhile. I missed you gals, though!Once again you've said it all so eloquently RedPlanet.
When I spotted your I.D. I felt a bit of a thrill because I've always enjoyed your posts and I'm pleased to see you've returned.
I'm so sorry to hear about the trials you and your husband have been through, but I'm glad you're both eager to begin a new chapter in your lives.
Have you thought about having your original stone put into a new setting for a right-hand ring? I know some who've done that.
Here's to new adventures in your life!
We've been tossing around the idea of making a pendant of it and haven't totally ruled that out yet, but as it's a princess cut, that might be a little strange. Well, maybe with a halo? That might be pretty. I'm sort of a one ring kinda' gal cause I don't want anything to compete with wedding ring. But still, creating a dinner ring with said halo might be cool for special occasions. Oh dear.... you've enabled me.
I think a princess cut would look great in a pendant. No halo necessary.
Lately I've been buying only jewelry that I will wear every day. The special occasion stuff, like that inherited dinner ring, sits in the jewelry box too much. I know what you mean about not wanting to wear jewelry that competes with your wedding/engagement set. I've always had this thing about not wanting any jewelry more expensive than the rings DH bought me. But why not reset your old stone into something very different? Or maybe have it redesigned as a second stone in your new ring?
I totally know what you mean about that special occasion jewelry just lying around. I don't really have any for that reason. I normally only like unique handmade pieces and DH buys me a pendant made by some artisan he finds for almost every special occasion - none of it particularly expensive as it's mostly hammered metals, crystals and the occasional gemstone. I rotate through them depending on my mood and wardrobe. So, same as you - nothing remotely as expensive as my ring is ever worn by me. That's a lot of the reason we can afford this splurge for my upgraded ring as we have always gifted each other modestly over the years, so this is a really special thing for us.
Well, we'll see about my old center stone. I currently have an offer for about half of what it is worth - which is a good offer given how little an individual can usually get for resale of a used stone. I'm still weighing out if it's "worth it" or not or if I should just hang onto it and have it reset into something else at a later date.
DH has offered to upgrade my ring but I am sentimental and would miss seeing my original e-ring. I'm really torn about this as I would love a larger stone, but I also like the memories associated with my *real* engagment ring.
This is a really interesting thread. We just got married a couple of weeks ago and we labored for MONTHS to find DH's wedding ring. His work occasionally puts him in contact with electrical equipment, and I kind of insisted that he needed something with no metal. We found an artisan online who makes gorgeous ceramic rings with interesting materials as inlays. When the ring came in the mail, he tried it on, declared that it was perfect and that he loved it, and then the ring went into my jewelry box until the wedding day.
Flash forward two or three days after, and DH can't get the ring on and off his finger. They must not have been swollen AT ALL when he originally tried it on because the ring is definitely too tight. He stopped wearing it which made me sad, but I understood. He has NEVER worn a ring before in his life because he always found them uncomfortable, so I knew that if I wanted him to wear a wedding ring- which I do- I needed to let it be on his terms. Since ceramic rings can't be resized and the artisan declined to help us because we have technically had the ring for months now, we ended up buying a plain black ceramic ring in a bigger size from Amazon for about $10. DH is much more comfortable in the ring that fits properly, and the expensive artisan ring from our wedding now sits in my jewelry box again.
It still makes me a little sad as we chose this ring for particular reasons (the meteorite inlay "matches" the moissanite in my e-ring) and I do still feel a sentimentality about the one that I put onto his finger on our wedding day. But, I feel more strongly that I want him to wear A ring then I do about him wearing THAT ring. And I want him to be comfortable and happy about it.
This has actually made me rethink the idea of wearing a "fake" ring for travel or other occasions where my rings might not be safe. I have seen a lot of talk about that on here and I always thought, "Why would I not wear my rings? I love them, but they aren't that expensive so I could just get a new one if something happened." But now I am a bit surprised by my sentimentality and this experience has me torn. On the one hand, I now realize that I feel more sentimental toward both of our rings than I thought I would, but our experience with DH's ring has also made me realize that sometimes stuff happens and you have to remember the underlying reason for the ring or you might drive yourself crazy.
Sorry for the long post... just wanted to share a story from a bit of a different perspective!
Flash forward two or three days after, and DH can't get the ring on and off his finger. They must not have been swollen AT ALL when he originally tried it on because the ring is definitely too tight. He stopped wearing it which made me sad, but I understood. He has NEVER worn a ring before in his life because he always found them uncomfortable, so I knew that if I wanted him to wear a wedding ring- which I do- I needed to let it be on his terms. Since ceramic rings can't be resized and the artisan declined to help us because we have technically had the ring for months now, we ended up buying a plain black ceramic ring in a bigger size from Amazon for about $10. DH is much more comfortable in the ring that fits properly, and the expensive artisan ring from our wedding now sits in my jewelry box again.
It still makes me a little sad as we chose this ring for particular reasons (the meteorite inlay "matches" the moissanite in my e-ring) and I do still feel a sentimentality about the one that I put onto his finger on our wedding day. But, I feel more strongly that I want him to wear A ring then I do about him wearing THAT ring. And I want him to be comfortable and happy about it.
This has actually made me rethink the idea of wearing a "fake" ring for travel or other occasions where my rings might not be safe. I have seen a lot of talk about that on here and I always thought, "Why would I not wear my rings? I love them, but they aren't that expensive so I could just get a new one if something happened." But now I am a bit surprised by my sentimentality and this experience has me torn. On the one hand, I now realize that I feel more sentimental toward both of our rings than I thought I would, but our experience with DH's ring has also made me realize that sometimes stuff happens and you have to remember the underlying reason for the ring or you might drive yourself crazy.
Sorry for the long post... just wanted to share a story from a bit of a different perspective!
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have bought many rings in that period of time. My original engagement ring/wedding ring was 3 stone ring all round diamonds. Last year we changed all the stones to oval shape from round. I find that as I get older and my hands aren't as pretty and I'm heavier and I wanted stones that elongated my fingers. My ring looks basically the same but now oval shape 3 stone ring. I don't feel an attachment to the stones but I did to the gold in the ring. No idea why. I had the jeweler use the same gold from my original ring and melt it down and remake my new ring. Sounds weird as I type it out. I have bought many beautiful rings over the years, which I used to think of as more right hand rings which had an engagement ring look to it but now I just wear them on my wedding ring finger if I choose. I change it out based on my mood. But for me a 3 stone ring symbolizes our commitment. I always go back to the 3 stone.
I wouldn't mind upgrading our rings. My husband brought it up first. His is discoloring and mine is so tiny with diamond chips for stones. He said we can afford better ones now and I don't see anything wrong with that, for us. Of course we will keep the "originals". They will become sentimental momentos of the "day". The new rings (when we get them) will just be the ongoing symbols of marriage. I don't see anything negative about an upgrade.
My aunts have all upgraded their rings to "better ones". None of it was a big deal and I only found out because I asked. We're Asian and partly Chinese so we do like our jewelry, hehe.
My parents' rings are all with me (they are divorced and want nothing to do with the rings). I just keep them to remember "what used to be".
My sister in law who is Caucasian from Australia sold her wedding dress a month after their wedding. That fasicinated me; as mine is safely tucked in a wooden chest (that's a local Filipino/Spanish tradition, to keep your wedding clothes and other paraphernalia in an antique, ornate, heavy wooden chest; or a "baul" as we call it.). It's kept for future generations (to wear or to honor, idk). But then again I see her point - why keep a gown in storage when she can recoup some of the expense back?
So my point is that - I wouldn't make a big deal about these items. (Rings, wedding dress, etc). What matters most is the couple itself - whether they are still together and in love etc. It's a matter of degrees of sentimentality, I guess.
My aunts have all upgraded their rings to "better ones". None of it was a big deal and I only found out because I asked. We're Asian and partly Chinese so we do like our jewelry, hehe.
My parents' rings are all with me (they are divorced and want nothing to do with the rings). I just keep them to remember "what used to be".
My sister in law who is Caucasian from Australia sold her wedding dress a month after their wedding. That fasicinated me; as mine is safely tucked in a wooden chest (that's a local Filipino/Spanish tradition, to keep your wedding clothes and other paraphernalia in an antique, ornate, heavy wooden chest; or a "baul" as we call it.). It's kept for future generations (to wear or to honor, idk). But then again I see her point - why keep a gown in storage when she can recoup some of the expense back?
So my point is that - I wouldn't make a big deal about these items. (Rings, wedding dress, etc). What matters most is the couple itself - whether they are still together and in love etc. It's a matter of degrees of sentimentality, I guess.
my SIL upgraded b/c the original rings were selected/purchased entirely by my brother without her input and she never liked them (wedding and engagement). so, after a few years she went with him and they upgraded the stone and improved the setting and etc. he kept the same ring. my mom and i are dumbfounded by it, but whatever 
i'd just buy some new jewelry, but to each their own.
i'd just buy some new jewelry, but to each their own.
I designed a 10 carat upgraded ring for my DH and he absolutely loves it. He still wears his original sometimes but not as often.
Its more like for investment so the “updating” appeals to me and for some. Plus I do plan to pass it to my daughter someday.
Until a few years ago I had never heard of upgrading an e-ring. When I first heard of an acquaintance resetting hers I thought it was the worst thing ever and how could she do that. Fast forward a few years I'm now considering it. I have a small solitaire diamond which is set into YG. I mainly wear white metal now so it seems a bit out of place. Plus I'd like a bit more bling. I raised it with my hubby who is extremely sentimental and he was so disappointed. At the time he chose the diamond and picked out a setting. So if I do go ahead upgrading or resetting I know he'll be disappointed. Maybe I should just get myself a diamond right hand ring!
I'm Filipina and Spanish too so I got a chuckle about "we love our jewelry". Very true!!!
Married almost 30 years and while I have never replaced my original engagement ring with a larger stone , I have had it reset twice. The first time I set the stone (1 carat pear shape )in a heavy gold setting adorned with small diamonds ( very popular style at the time). He second time I was tired of all the heavy gold and wanted a more modern style set in platinum. Sooooo I had the original stone set in a double halo using the stones from the first reset. Sold the gold setting and used it for the new ring which I love. Still the original stone and my husband loves the new style too.