Living with a man and not working...

IntlSet

IntlSet

Bonjour!
Jan 29, 2006
12,369
63
#1
I'm just curious what you ladies think of this. Honestly, of course!

What do you think of the idea of a woman living with a man who is not her husband, and she chooses not to go to work because she's sort of just living off of him? We're assuming he makes a very decent salary, etc.

Personally, I kind of think of this as a "kept woman" kind of deal, however, I have a few respectable girlfriends who have done it.

Do you see anything wrong with it? Of course, none of us are to say what's right and wrong about an individual's life, but this is just a general survey about nobody in particular!

Thanks, I'm just nosy but you guys know that! :flowers:
 
#2
Perhaps they have an agreement that she is to stay home? As for me, I am a women of independant means and could not handle that type of arrangement. When I retired from full-time work I still had my own gig consulting on a part-time basis. Maybe its just me but I have to feel like I contribute fi nancially in some way even if its to buy the groceries..
 
#4
My convictions are that if they are not married, then yes she is a kept woman. I am totally for a wife to be a stay at home mom or housewife, no feminism here-I'm very old fashioned, but my feelings on your described scenario- hmmm.
I personally would not live with a man who didn't respect me enough to commit and make me his wife.
But again, to each his own.
 
#8
The only difference between this scenario and a married couple where the woman stays at home is a piece of paper. That's a big difference for some people. For me? It's the couple's business, not mine. It's not my place to pass judgment on their private living arrangement.
 
#9
it doesn't sit right with me that marriage should be the one thing that distinguishes between a sleazy "kept" situation, and an equal partnership.

"kept", to me, is a sexual-financial situation. where there's also an imbalance of power dynamic. as in the woman needs to stay pleasing to the man, acquiese to his demands, and basically exist for his sexual and social pleasure.
and the only compromises he'll have to make is financial, otherwise he can do what he chooses and not have to extend the usual consideration other men in relationships would (like spending time, being respectful and considerate, working on communication, etc etc).

but an unmarried couple may be equal partners in life:
where one works outside of their home for money, while the other maintains their home and other areas of their life, and contributes to their life and supports the other, in non-financial ways;
or where one chooses to study for example, and the other chooses to provide financial support of this decision.

a person' contribution to a partnership is more than just financial.

i object to the premise that finance is the only valuable contribution a partner makes to the relship, and that that working partner holds all the power, the other "living off him". it's so degrading and insulting.

why can't it be recognised that the working partner depends on and is supported by the other partner in many non-financial ways?

however if that contribution is sexual, and the relationship dynamic is not equal, then yes, she's a kept woman.

if her contribution is in other ways, then it's a partnership like any other.
and just because they're not married does not necessarily mean they have no long term commitment to their life partnership.
similarly, a lot of people get married with little to no commitment to a lifelong partnership too. the certificate itself means little. but society takes it as a justification without looking at the rest of the relship, which is annoying.
 
#10
I have been with my boyfriend for nine years. We have no plans to marry, and I do not have a job outside the home. However, you might as well say I work, because there is plenty of things to do at home. I cook. I fix anything that gets broken. I do the shopping. Anytime we buy something that requires assembly, I am the one who puts it together. My boyfriend is in school part time getting his Masters. I help him with his school work. He's dyslexic, and he often needs someone to proof read and edit his writing. We have lived in this arrangement for 8 of the 9 years we've been together, and it has worked for us well.
 
#11
StinkyMonkey said:
My convictions are that if they are not married, then yes she is a kept woman. I am totally for a wife to be a stay at home mom or housewife, no feminism here-I'm very old fashioned, but my feelings on your described scenario- hmmm.
I personally would not live with a man who didn't respect me enough to commit and make me his wife.
But again, to each his own.
Click to expand...


I agree.

I wouldn't do it. I value my freedom too much!
 
#12
AGL, exactly.

i just read somewhere today this interesting fact - men who had educated non-working partners, achieved higher paying jobs than other men with equal qualifications who did not.
interesting hey!
their partners, despite not working outside the home, supported and helped them in other very valuable ways that manifested, among other ways, in higher level career and salary achievements.
 
#14
hellooholly said:
AGL, exactly.

i just read somewhere today this interesting fact - men who had educated non-working partners, achieved higher paying jobs than other men with equal qualifications who did not.
interesting hey!
their partners, despite not working outside the home, supported and helped them in other very valuable ways that manifested, among other ways, in higher level career and salary achievements.
Click to expand...


I've read that too.

It makes sense. His partner takes care of the homekeeping duties (be it actually doing it her/himself or keeping tabs on the staff) and provides emotional support. He can spend his energy on his career....
 
#15
and sonya/stinkymonkey, this is your personal feeling and certainly very valid for your own relationships. but don't forget that there actually are women who don't want to be married yet. not all relships are the woman chasing the man for marriage.

and the sacrifices (eg of freedom) required by a relship are required, whether or not there is a marriage cert.

besides, partnership should be more about 2 people being more than the sum of their individual persons (ie being in a partnership adds to their life, a partner contributes to your well-being and goals, not just strips you of freedom. whether you're a man or woman).
 
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