Is your boyfriend/husband "overworked"?

[nawth21]

yup, and when hes not working he has his kid (I dissapear during those times) or his friends want to hang out with him. Last night he actually fell asleep during, ahem, "personal time" for us So yeah, I'm not a happy camper because he doesnt really see the problem with us not having any together time that isnt rushed, ect.

 

[nyshopaholic]

My DH works in law enforcement and even though he has a regular "shift", he is usually ordered in for overtime, especially if he is scheduled to work on the weekends. I work 9-5 M-F and very rarely need to work overtime. "Us" time has become practically non-existent as when he comes home, he usually goes right to bed because he has been working for 16+ hours straight.

Some days it is easier to cope than others. I go to the gym and have my family and my friends who are always happy to see me (or at least they pretend to be); and some nights I truely don't mind being home alone. And tPF definitely helps. But it is definitely frustrating, especially around the holidays when everyone is with their SO and you are alone...again.

 

[DiscountDiva]

What time does he leave for work? If you don't have children, can you get up early and do some exercise (running or yoga) and then make a nice breakfast to share with him? (suggestion: buy some egg cups and soft boil eggs (4 1/2 minutes) and just have whole grain toast and fruit with it, and coffee or tea) Honestly, just a 1/2 hour of exercise in the a.m. would probably even give him more energy at the end of the day in about two weeks. In the early a.m., my husband and I run together a few times a week and we do yoga together on Thursdays. Then we come home for a nice breakfast together and leave about 20 minutes of hanging out time (which is often just being around each other, me reading, him at his laptop) before i leave for work. We don't get up earlier than 5:30 a.m. Would this work for you? Don't run for more than 20 minutes at a time at first. Start slow if you are not a runner yet.

 

[kuuipo627]

I feel ya. When DH and I were dating, he was finishing up grad school 2,000 miles away. We rarely saw each other because of the distance and finishing up school. So when we finally got the chance to be together, I always worked. I worked 12-14 hour days, sometimes 7 days a week for over a month at a time. Then I changed jobs and we were able to enjoy a bit more time together. But just last year, he worked 3 different jobs. He had his full time job, wrote articles for a start-up and freelanced on the weekends. He's just always been good about making time for the family and making us a priority. No matter how tired he is, he always takes the time to play with our daughter and son. Then we set aside a day on the weekend after he's done with work to do something together.
Hang in there. I hope things get better for you both.

 

[Pursegrrl]

I have tears in my eyes reading this thread.

This was one of the things that strained my relationship with my (now ex) BF to the breaking point.

Is he overworked? You bet. He's in retail management so the hours are tough and so is the work. He works hard, excels in his position, awards, etc, but frankly the work is far, far beneath him. I'm a M-F corporate girl.

When we first started dating he would work one late night during the week (meaning, not home till 9pm or so) and also work Saturdays so we only had Sundays off together. At first it worked out OK...I would play hockey the night he worked late and would have Saturday as a day to get errands done, shop, see girlfriends, etc so he and I would have Sunday free.

Then his schedule changed where they wanted mgrs working Sundays too! This meant we would have NO days off together (and we don't live together). Meanwhile, I had found a new job which doubled my salary and also required me to work overnight occasionally (IT deployments) and travel a bit too. He was supportive but I think in the end he resented it too. I started kicking into high gear with my job and meanwhile he was so burnt out on his but not doing anything about it (no interviews, no networking, etc). No interviews, no networking for over a YEAR . As much as I tried to be empathetic I grew increasingly resentful that HE wasn't taking any steps to find something that paid better, had better hours, blah blah blah.

Anyway, sorry this was long.

 

[ilzabet]

my husband is an EMT. he's worked 24 hour shifts for the last three years which usually means he works one day and then has two days off with an on call day thrown in once a week or so. however, for the past year in addition to work, he's been going to paramedic school in the city (2 hours away) 3-5 days a week and since may he's been completing his internship which means he works 12 hours for no pay, comes home to sleep, gets up and works 24 hours for pay, then gets one day off with an oncall day thrown in once a week or so. basically he's had 1-2 days off a week for the last 3 months.....which sounds normal until you realize he works about 72 hours a week.

he's usually up all night on his work day and sleeps for most of the day on his only day off. for instance today he's been up since 3am, drove to seattle and back which is a four hour drive each way, and didn't get home until 11:30am even though he'd been at work since 8am yesterday. he's alseep now, but on call.....so he'll probably get called in by 5pm. even though i only work 4 days a week, we still get almost zero time together.

i used to have a really hard time with the whole thing. the only thing that has made that any easier was adjusting my expectations about "us" time. i had to realize that going out late at night just wasn't feasible any more. on our mutual days off, we go to lunch, out shopping, sometimes to a matinee movie....heck even monthly grocery shopping is a date at this point. it's made me really grateful for the time we DO spend together. and on the rare occasions we do go to the city or have a real dinner date it's SO special and fun.

i've also learned to be really empathetic. as hard as it is on me, it's 10x more on him. he's stressed, tired, and totally overworked. i actually think it's brought us closer in some ways....we're both working through this hard time and coming through it together. it's kind of cool.

ok. that was long. sorry.

 

[jcriley5]

Wow my b/f and I just had a fight about this today. He is very successful and is in upper management at his company in a trading firm. I admire that work ethic and am glad he is so successful, but at the same time I wish he could balance his life a little bit more and realize that work is not everything. When we are out, he always has his blackberry and the minute it has a alert, he is looking at it. He is always tired because he works so much and he says that I dont understand or emphasize with him when he is tired. This past weekend I got so mad because we had a camping trip planned ahead of time with another couple and he wanted to back out several days beforehand because of work stuff and i got so frustrated like cant we just go on a weekend trip like any couple. Sometimes I look at my friends and get jealous because their husbands/boyrfiends don't seem to be tired all the time or stressed out about their jobs.

 

[wordbox]

My boyfriend has a problem with overscheduling himself and spreading his time too thin. He also can't say no to people, so if someone wants him to do something (whether for fun or to lend a hand) he almost always says yes.

This is a source of tension for us. I'll admit, sometimes I feel a little neglected, and it's annoying when he's too busy to pitch in around the house or whatever. Between working full-time, school, coaching sports, playing sports, hanging with his friends, etc. he sometimes leaves the house at 7am and doesn't come home for good until 10 or 11pm. Then he wonders why he's so tired all the time. Durrr...

 

[RenataM]

I can relate to many of you here. My BF works M-F 9 to 5 for his dad, but after work he works on his race team and race prep business which takes up a lot of time, energy and money of course. This year has been the toughest so far, esp. since he went pro and it's very competitive. However we are lucky that I enjoy racing as well so I go to all his races and spend time with him, however it gets a little crazy and frustrating and we will have the occasional argument because the team is taking way too much time.

I work M-F and work can get a little crazy at times and sometimes we only see each other during dinner, however we both know that the sacrifices we are making right now will pay off in the long run. Also we decided that we will book one evening a week to spend time together and also exercise together.

 

[Loganz]

I too can relate. My DH started the business that we both work for and it is hard to see him glued to his PDA or computer 24 hours a day.

On one hand, it is good to have a partner who is driven and success minded - but, on the other hand, there is more to life than making money and paying bills.

 

[Luva Pug]

Yes I can totally relate. (hug)
My SO works away during the week, so its horrible as I am on my own.
We just get weekends to see each other, and he just gets weekends to see me, his Mum, Brothers and friends so its hectic! x

 

[Ali-bagpuss]

My hubby runs his own business and works really long hours (Monday to Friday 6am to 7.30pm and Saturday and Sunday odd hours) plus he sometimes gets call outs in the middle of the night.

He trys to give us as much time as possible but during the week it is especially difficult. He then wants to do the house and garden at the weekend but the children want his time too - its tough but we manage.

Luckily, he loves his job.

 

[shoulderache]

I totally relate! I'm a law student, so you'd think that would be the time-sucker, but I'm not too keen on the whole "study" thing. Instead it is my boyfriend's job. He's worked at least the last 25 days straight at a job he describes as what 7-11 would be like if it were an office, he just LOVES it, particularly his coworkers that don't bathe. I work from 8-5 and he works from 2pm to 9pm and doesn't show up at my place until probably 10:30, sometimes later. Basically, I never see him because if he isn't at work, he is studying for his Masters or right now he is moving or he is applying for jobs. Someday we hope to have (more) matching schedules. Right now, if we go out it is to breakfast. Things that help it work, though, is the understanding that it isn't anyone's fault and just the way it is for the time being. And, when he visits there is no tv--just me talking at him.

 

[Janos614]

Wow my b/f and I just had a fight about this today. He is very successful and is in upper management at his company in a trading firm. I admire that work ethic and am glad he is so successful, but at the same time I wish he could balance his life a little bit more and realize that work is not everything. When we are out, he always has his blackberry and the minute it has a alert, he is looking at it. He is always tired because he works so much and he says that I dont understand or emphasize with him when he is tired. This past weekend I got so mad because we had a camping trip planned ahead of time with another couple and he wanted to back out several days beforehand because of work stuff and i got so frustrated like cant we just go on a weekend trip like any couple. Sometimes I look at my friends and get jealous because their husbands/boyrfiends don't seem to be tired all the time or stressed out about their jobs.

My brother lives this finance/wall street lifestyle, too, and he's already trying to figure out how much more it'll take until he hits 1M in salary and how many hours it'll take of working before he gets there. I just look at him and feel so sorry for his future wife because she's always going to come second. He IS married- to money and his job. I look at him and the money he makes and know that while he can buy anything he wants, he'll never have the balance or time to really live his life. It's sad because it doesn't get easier once a guy gets caught up in this rat race and the family often suffers.

 

[Irissy]

Wow. My brother is in law school, and he never has time for ANYTHING. I thought he was exaggerating when he said he always has a ton of work to do, and that he spends most of his time studying, but I guess that's not such an exaggeration at all.

When I was in law school, I never have time for bf, family, and friends either. What I used to do to keep in touch with my bf and my family was I would call them in between my classes or during study breaks. 5 min here and there... it kept bf and my parents happy!

Bf and I were both in school for the past few years and luckily we had similar study schedules. Even though we didn't have time to go out on dates, but we would study together on weekends and when we get tired, we would just cuddle and sleep.