I'm throwing my mom a 60th b-day party and her twin won't come.

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  1. I'm throwing my mom a 60th b-day party later this year. She is a twin and originally we were going to do the party for both of them. We'll my cousin told my aunt about the party (it was supposed to be a surprise) and my aunt said she did not want a party and would not come. Now it is just a weird situation. My aunt and my mom haven't been very close lately and it really upsets my grandparents who are in their 80's. My mom would like to be close, but my aunt can be pretty stubborn. I talked to my cousin last night and told her if she changed her mind we would love to include my aunt in the party. I also told her we would really love to have her there. It would be on the weekend so everyone could attend. She lives about 3 hours away. Today, my sister got an e-mail stating my cousin and aunt would not be attending because the situation would be too akward for my aunt since they share a birthday and the party was not for her too. She stated my aunt hates parties. They are going to do something private with my aunt which now means my other cousin could not attend. The party isn't even going to be on their birthday. I talked to my grandmother and she was crying saying the family has split. I e-mailed my cousin requesting her and my aunt's attendance and that my mom loved them both very much and it would mean a great deal to our grandparents. I'm not going to beg anymore or try to reason. I just wish my aunt would stop being so selfish and try to make my grandparents happy. Anyways, I'm just my sister and I are just frustrated with the situation and I can't talk to my own mom because I don't want to burden her with this situation.
  2. GF: I am soooo sorry. I am of the school that you do things for family's sake even if it means swallowing your pride. I hope your aunt will come around. If not, I hope your mom loves her party! It is great of you to do this for her.
  3. I'm sorry you have to go through this stress- I hope your aunt comes around and sees how much everyone wants her to be there.
  4. I just don't understand why adults feel the need to continually behave like spoiled children. No matter what happens, have a lovely party. Take comfort in the people who come, and try to forget the ones that are too selfish to bother.
  5. Pidgeon-definently agree. And what I dont understand is why your aunt and cousin cant come? I mean, they're celebrating your mom's birthday! My aunt always comes to celebrate my mom's b-day. It seems to me that your aunt just doesnt want to share in the "spotlight" (your cousin said that it would be awkward because it's for your mom and not your aunt).
  6. i feel so sorry for you. my mother had a sister just like that and it broke their mother's heart that this woman could not overlook her own petty issues and do it for her mother. very sad that at this point in your aunt's life she cannot just get over it and make everyone happy. life is just too short for such petty nonsense.
  7. That is just selfish! On the other hand, my grandmother had a twin sister and they were completely estranged---I don't think I ever met her. I don't think it was anything either one of them did, I think they just didn't like eachother. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

    Don't let this petty behavior ruin your party! Happy b-day to your Mom!
  8. thanks. we will have a good party regardless. I just wish I could talk frankly with my aunt but I know it wouldn't do any good and would just stir the pot.
  9. I'm sorry that your aunt is being so stubborn. My mum is a twin as well and if my aunt was that stubborn I would've lost patience with her QUICKLY.

    It's selfish that she won't come for the reasons she stated, especially because the party isn't for her either. It's a celebration.

    Do you think you would consider rejoining the celebration to have her involved? I know you said originally that was your plan, but if she states that is her reason and you change that, do you think she would show?

    I hope all works out and you all have a fabulous time!

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  10. If they are twins, a party for one is automatically a party for both, is it not?

    Depending on how much drama you can take, I would give it one last shot, stressing the above, and apologizing if it was at any time not clear that the party is intended to celebrate the birthdays of both the sisters, and to thank the parents for making what turned out to be such a good and wise reproductive choice.

    The party, I would gently wail, will not be complete, in fact, what point will there be in having one at all if half the twins are not present to be celebrated?

    And I would slip in an ever-so-subtle hint or two suggesting the possibility of matching tiaras...

    And if that doesn't work, then you just make the best of it, make it all about your mom, have all her favorite foods, decorate with her favorite colors, invite all her favorite people, and dance to her favorite music, with the basement or a bedroom set up with a TV and continuous showing of all her favorite movies and TV shows, that people can pile on the bed and watch while munching her favorite snacks.

    Maybe all the guests can come dressed as your mom. Or be provided, upon arrival, with various articles of her favorite loungewear.

    And knock yourself out, and throw the house out the window to make it an occasion of such exuberant and overflowing hilarity and joy that the weeping grandmother be unable to do anything but dry her eyes and take to the dance floor despite herself.
  11. So doing the party for both of them = good idea. :tup: However I don't understand why Aunt wouldn't come. I'm a twin and am sure once I reach that age would love my nieces for including me (believe me.. it SUCKS to be a twin and get left out!!!!) So no good advice here other than to try to have a nice time. :yes:
  12. I've suggested mutiple times that we could include my aunt up until the right before the party. Bottom line is my aunt doesn't want to have a party thrown for her and won't attend because she "hates parties" and it would be awkward b/c the party isn't for her and they are twins. See how frustrating it can get. I guess there really is no way out of hurting both my mom and my grandparents feelings over this.
  13. ^^ This is really frustrating, however, maybe ur mom doesnt need to know that her twin sister refused to show up.. just celebrate your mom's birthday and maybe u can plan get together for the whole family after few weeks.

  14. Her sister lives 20 minutes away so it would be pretty obvious, plus my mom is already sensitive about her. Thanks for the advice though. I'm sure we will have a great time regardless.
  15. maybe try one more time to invite her. then go ahead and have a blast with or without her. i lost my twin 5 years ago. we never understood how some twins let such a special relationship fall to the wayside. have a wonderful party.