I Hope I Don't Sound Weird or Creepy...

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#31
aquablueness said:
First off, i must say that you're pretty awesome for posting this. I think it's something on your mind and you need some real feedback, and you stepped outside of your zone to post your problem here, and i honestly hope we could help (it looks like we kind of did by the previous posts i've read). If you don't feel like you got enough feedback, maybe you should tell the mods to move this discussion over to the family and relationships section? However, as i have mentioned, it seems like by your comments on other people's quotes, you've already gotten a handful of help that you need. There are definately other perspectives that i'm glad you're considering.

So, i've read through the posts and your comments and agree with the string of posts and where this should go. I have a different question, or suggestion for you. So, if you feel like this is something that is still bothering you, meaning that you know your DBF has the jewelry and as other have hunched, your DBF might be passing the rings on to his son, however, you might want to know for sure if that's going to happen. So, ask him. I know it's much easier to come to the computer and post away if something is bothering you (btw, we love to help!), but, if it still bothers you or you don't feel settled yet, talk to your DBF. I'm sure issues like this only strengthens the relationship :-)

Good luck and many hugs!
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First off, thank you for your well-wishes and kind support!

I probably will eventually just ask him about what he plans to do with the rings. I might feel a bit silly doing so, because now that I have so many answers in this thread I feel as if the answer should have been obvious all along! What I might do, is...kind of hint that I think it would be an awesome idea for him to leave the rings to his son, and see what he says about that--if I can work up the nerve, that is!

And I see it from the son's point of view when I think about my own parents. My dad RARELY wears his wedding band, but my mom always wears her ring, and although I never thought about inheriting either piece, especially when I was a teen, as an adult, I would like nothing more. I have a brother, so he may get my dad's ring and I'll probably get my mom's rings. No matter what the items are, or their monetary worth, they will still be priceless to me since I'm their child, and in 15 or so years the BF's son will probably feel the same way.
 
#33
ame said:
Honestly, Id avoid it. And I would never mention it. If he wants to sell them fine, but don't bring them up to him as he had them hidden away.
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TY for the suggestion...

I do know that he's not interested in selling them...I kind of don't blame him on that. It's a part of his past...he deserves to keep them if that's what he wants to do.

This kind of brings up another question...although I don't know if it deserves its own thread. But...what do divorced women usually do? Sorry that I really have no frame of reference for this...but...is it common to return rings to the husband after? I wonder how that situation compares to an engagement that breaks up. I think that if the man breaks off the engagement the woman keeps the ring, and that if she breaks it off, the man gets the rings (this is how it happened with my first engagement, when I was in my late teens and, in retrospect, too young to get married anyway), but as far as an actual divorce I'm clueless.
 
#34
Junkenpo said:
This is an interesting thread... just goes to show how different we all our in our responses to the same situation.

My DH still had the e-ring he gave to his previous fiance. I knew both of them (and no, i wasn't the cause of their break up!) and even have pictures of me & her (we worked for the same company) where she's wearing the ring.

When DH and I started talking marriage, he asked if I'd feel comfortable wearing a ring intended for someone else. I said, "No." and the ring was traded in for what I have now.

But on the other side, while we were debating ring costs, my mom offered to give her e-ring to my DH (then DF) to give to me & I was okay with that. Mom's ring is cute and too small for her. DH said no way.
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That's an incredibly interesting situation. But I love how you two were able to work out a compromise. I, too, think that I'd rather have a ring meant for me!
 
#36
caxe:

Interesting question that you pose but I think the overwhelming consensus is just to leave the rings alone. I wouldn't recommend it either. Your BF can pass the wedding rings on to his son when his son is older. However, if you want to get the rings cleaned just to make them look prettier, that would be a nice thing to do on behalf of the son.

Wouldn't it be nice to pick out your own "right hand ring"? I think Tiffany's is calling your name!!!!
 
#38
peace43 said:
caxe:

Interesting question that you pose but I think the overwhelming consensus is just to leave the rings alone. I wouldn't recommend it either. Your BF can pass the wedding rings on to his son when his son is older. However, if you want to get the rings cleaned just to make them look prettier, that would be a nice thing to do on behalf of the son.

Wouldn't it be nice to pick out your own "right hand ring"? I think Tiffany's is calling your name!!!!
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http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+34-c+287466-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

I never thought to shop T&Co for rings but I love this one ^^^. It's within my price range (I'd have to buy it myself, as I don't like to ask for the BF to buy jewelry) AND it's my birthstone. LOL...it's also three weeks pay (part-time employee in the house). Well...maybe for my next birthday; I could save up for it instead of splurging all at once! It's also understated and wouldn't overpower my left-hand.

:tup:
 
#40
Sure, you CAN wear someone else's ring, but considering the symbolism behind e-rings and wedding bands, i wouldnt ... i look at my e-ring and i dont even feel like im looking at a diamond ... i feel like im looking at him ... that prob doesnt make sense ...

im with the other girls - get a fabulous RHR for christmas :kiss:
 
#41
No. I would think it would remind him of her whenever he sees them on your hand. Maybe he might go for melting it down and making another item or just taking the stones and setting them in something different. Then he probably wouldn't know the difference.
 
#43
caxe said:
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+34-c+287466-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

I never thought to shop T&Co for rings but I love this one ^^^. It's within my price range (I'd have to buy it myself, as I don't like to ask for the BF to buy jewelry) AND it's my birthstone. LOL...it's also three weeks pay (part-time employee in the house). Well...maybe for my next birthday; I could save up for it instead of splurging all at once! It's also understated and wouldn't overpower my left-hand.

:tup:
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Tiffany's owwwww:faint:, it's beautiful! If you love it, go see it for yourself irl one day and if you still love it, then get it for yourself. It would make a beautiful gift for yourself.

So, i have a question, i don't know if anyone has asked you this or if you have answered, does he know that you know about the rings? I'm just wondering.
 
#44
caxe said:
Yes...one day his third wife may feel the same about my rings. LOL...I'm kidding, though, but I can understand where you're coming from.

;)
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:nuts::p I didn't mean karma that way just that it isn't good karma since he would always be seeing it :yes: should have explained what I meant :heart:
 
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