I Hope I Don't Sound Weird or Creepy...

[rainrowan]

You totally make sense and no, you are not insecure. I think you gave a very thoughtful explanation of why you want to wear it on the subconscious level. I would wear it if it were pretty or practical; I have no superstitions or insecurities about another person's former property.

I think you are also the type who knows who she is and a bit of a thinker. Personally, my relationship with my DH is comfortable, I'd go ahead and let him know I'd be wearing the rings if that was ok by him. And knowing my DH, he'd say go for it because he is not sentimental at all, if anything, he'd have probably saved it for more materialistic-financial reasons. For yourself, you need to wear them for a little while to satisfy some urge for a while, maybe to connect with the young man in your SO which is natural. I used to look at baby pictures and try on jewelry from long ago and wonder what my DH was like and so forth.

He's your SO and if he chose you, he's not looking back. He's probably a rather practical type given what you've told us here and doesn't strike me as the nostalgic type.

 

[LVShoeFan2]

My parents divorced after 25 years and if my dad's wife/girlfriend started wearing my mom's ring I'd be pissed as hell. I don't know your situation or if your BF's ex lives near you where you see her often, but I bet she would feel uncomfortable if she saw her ring on your finger. Even though the marriage is long gone those rings still signify something (20 years) that was between your BF and his ex only.

I hope I don't sound harsh as I don't intend to at all but I just wanted to provide a different perspective.

 

[Plain&Simple]

yeah I agree- inviting a little bad energy dont you think??
lol but yes, nooooooooo
good intentions though

 

[lilpursekitty]

My parents divorced after 25 years and if my dad's wife/girlfriend started wearing my mom's ring I'd be pissed as hell.

This...the ring probably still has a lot of sentimental value to the kids. It should be saved for them. Wearing it will only lead to them thinking that you have no respect for the relationship that produced them. I know it wasn't your intention, but it will only lead to family crisis

 

[caxe]

i would say no too

if he kept them away where he couldn't see them, it probably means he doesn't want to be reminded so it wouldnt be right to wear them.

i think it's more exciting to hunt for another RHR?

I agree...I'm looking forward to finding something nice!

does he have kids with his prveious wife? if yes then im sure the kids will like it more as it has more sentimental value to them

Yes, he has a son. I never would have considered the BF giving his original jewelry to his son, simply because he was given some gold name jewelry from his mother before she passed, and he thought to offer them to me to wear on a daily basis, instead of his son, who 1. actually likes that "showy" type of jewelry and 2. has the same name. But I guess it's different with the wedding rings, as that is something symbolic of both the child's parents.

There's no way that I would. It would be too weird to wear something that was meant for someone else. Besides that, would you want to wear a reminder of what he shared with another person? Buy yourself something nice for a RHR.

Good question...

How about you look at Whiteflash for a RHR -- they have several designs. Just a thought.

ETA: Oh, and for the record -- you don't sound weird or creepy -- just a girl who likes her diamonds -- and I can appreciate that!

TY for the suggestion. I've checked them out already--they have some nice things!

 

[caxe]

This...the ring probably still has a lot of sentimental value to the kids. It should be saved for them. Wearing it will only lead to them thinking that you have no respect for the relationship that produced them. I know it wasn't your intention, but it will only lead to family crisis

I'm not sure how much value it holds to my BF's 16 year old son at this point in time, as he doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body (and shies away, actually, from hand-me-downs), but I do agree that in the future, when he starts thinking about things in that way, he might appreciate the fact that I let them be.

yeah I agree- inviting a little bad energy dont you think??
lol but yes, nooooooooo
good intentions though

Yes, perhaps. LOL.

My parents divorced after 25 years and if my dad's wife/girlfriend started wearing my mom's ring I'd be pissed as hell. I don't know your situation or if your BF's ex lives near you where you see her often, but I bet she would feel uncomfortable if she saw her ring on your finger. Even though the marriage is long gone those rings still signify something (20 years) that was between your BF and his ex only.

I hope I don't sound harsh as I don't intend to at all but I just wanted to provide a different perspective.

Actually, she really doesn't come around. Before the son started to drive she might come and pick him up from the house for whatever reason, but I can't say that I've ever even had an actual conversation with her. I don't think she was checking my fingers in the past, even from close up (she came to the door a time or two), so she might not notice her rings. But...if she did...yes, I agree that that might look bad.

You totally make sense and no, you are not insecure. I think you gave a very thoughtful explanation of why you want to wear it on the subconscious level. I would wear it if it were pretty or practical; I have no superstitions or insecurities about another person's former property.

I think you are also the type who knows who she is and a bit of a thinker. Personally, my relationship with my DH is comfortable, I'd go ahead and let him know I'd be wearing the rings if that was ok by him. And knowing my DH, he'd say go for it because he is not sentimental at all, if anything, he'd have probably saved it for more materialistic-financial reasons. For yourself, you need to wear them for a little while to satisfy some urge for a while, maybe to connect with the young man in your SO which is natural. I used to look at baby pictures and try on jewelry from long ago and wonder what my DH was like and so forth.

He's your SO and if he chose you, he's not looking back. He's probably a rather practical type given what you've told us here and doesn't strike me as the nostalgic type.

Thanks. Your post makes me feel a lot better about myself! I agree with you in that I don't have any superstitions about wearing someone else's jewelry. Jewelry is so frequently passed around and handed down that sometimes the original meaning/intent is forgotten, anyway, and the piece comes to symbolize what we want it to represent.

TY for all replies! They help!

 

[lingbo105]

NO, NO, NO.
Most guys do not want to see these Ex stuff, and you do not want to remind him of "her"
They were couples, they loved each other. when he see these rings on your fingers, that probrobly reminding him the old days with her, and these rings on her fingers.

 

[jayjay77]

Caxe,
I agree with others that you should get your own RH ring and leave the existing rings for the son.

But I can relate to some of the emotions you are going through. I was in a relationship with a divorced guy (though we have since gone our separate ways). I didn't necessarily envy his first wife, but when he talked about things like scrimping and saving to buy their first house, his excitement at the birth of his first child, etc. it made we wish I could have had those experiences. Plus he told me back in the day he had six pack abs -- LOL! It's hard to care about someone, but feel you missed out on a lot of their life experiences, but you have him now so enjoy your time together!

 

[aquablueness]

First off, i must say that you're pretty awesome for posting this. I think it's something on your mind and you need some real feedback, and you stepped outside of your zone to post your problem here, and i honestly hope we could help (it looks like we kind of did by the previous posts i've read). If you don't feel like you got enough feedback, maybe you should tell the mods to move this discussion over to the family and relationships section? However, as i have mentioned, it seems like by your comments on other people's quotes, you've already gotten a handful of help that you need. There are definately other perspectives that i'm glad you're considering.

So, i've read through the posts and your comments and agree with the string of posts and where this should go. I have a different question, or suggestion for you. So, if you feel like this is something that is still bothering you, meaning that you know your DBF has the jewelry and as other have hunched, your DBF might be passing the rings on to his son, however, you might want to know for sure if that's going to happen. So, ask him. I know it's much easier to come to the computer and post away if something is bothering you (btw, we love to help!), but, if it still bothers you or you don't feel settled yet, talk to your DBF. I'm sure issues like this only strengthens the relationship

Good luck and many hugs!

 

[chag]

I wouldn't. It's tempting in a way to want to have part of him from his younger years, but those younger years belonged to him and someone else. Whatever happened with them later I would respect that, and leave alone all personal property he gave to her during that time (even if he has the rings now).

I personally think that it would be a better idea to keep the rings safe, and when the time comes for his son to think about marriage pass them on to him to do what he likes with them.

Totally agree with merika and it's a karma thing too

 

[ame]

Honestly, Id avoid it. And I would never mention it. If he wants to sell them fine, but don't bring them up to him as he had them hidden away.

 

[Junkenpo]

This is an interesting thread... just goes to show how different we all our in our responses to the same situation.

My DH still had the e-ring he gave to his previous fiance. I knew both of them (and no, i wasn't the cause of their break up!) and even have pictures of me & her (we worked for the same company) where she's wearing the ring.

When DH and I started talking marriage, he asked if I'd feel comfortable wearing a ring intended for someone else. I said, "No." and the ring was traded in for what I have now.

But on the other side, while we were debating ring costs, my mom offered to give her e-ring to my DH (then DF) to give to me & I was okay with that. Mom's ring is cute and too small for her. DH said no way.

 

[barcreperie]

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with the rings either - they are symbolic of another relationship, one that you probably don't want to remind him of on a daily basis.

 

[caxe]

NO, NO, NO.
Most guys do not want to see these Ex stuff, and you do not want to remind him of "her"
They were couples, they loved each other. when he see these rings on your fingers, that probrobly reminding him the old days with her, and these rings on her fingers.

I figure this much is true...which is why he tucked these items away.

TY for your input!

 

[caxe]

Caxe,
I agree with others that you should get your own RH ring and leave the existing rings for the son.

But I can relate to some of the emotions you are going through. I was in a relationship with a divorced guy (though we have since gone our separate ways). I didn't necessarily envy his first wife, but when he talked about things like scrimping and saving to buy their first house, his excitement at the birth of his first child, etc. it made we wish I could have had those experiences. Plus he told me back in the day he had six pack abs -- LOL! It's hard to care about someone, but feel you missed out on a lot of their life experiences, but you have him now so enjoy your time together!

I feel almost exactly the same way. I don't "envy" her per se, but...I have to admit that I'm a little awestruck at how great she must have been to be the BF's first choice, no matter how it ended. He told me how he was present for the birth of his son; I can tell that the whole experience meant a LOT to him. LOL @ the six pack part. I've seen pics of my BF from back then, and he was WAY hot. He was a GI back then, so he was still in tip-top shape, with great abs and everything! He's still very attractive now, but...whoooo...back then. She was lucky to have such a hot guy for a hubby! But...I have a hot guy for a fiance--same guy...and I do enjoy our relationship a great deal.

TY!