I Hope I Don't Sound Weird or Creepy...

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C

caxe

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O.G.
Mar 31, 2007
4,409
8
#1
But...um...I kind of "came across" my BF's first wife's solitaire engagement ring and wedding band of plain etched gold. They were tucked away in a small box (along with his original wedding band) in his nightstand. All three could use a good cleaning, but...I digress. The ring he bought for her is more modest than the one he purchased for me, but I have to remember that he bought it 25 years ago, and they were just starting out, and he didn't make a lot of money...etc. Now I have no clue, because I don't have an eye for these things, what the carat size is, but it looks like maybe 1/10 or so. But I know that all the rings are real gold, and I know that she, like me, was not the flashy jewelry type.

Not sure why he has her rings, but obviously she didn't want to keep them after their divorce. He's not the type to ask for something like that back, so since he has them it's because she no longer wanted them.

The rings fit my right-hand ring finger perfectly. Would I be out of line to ask him if I could get them both cleaned and wear them? I'm not even positive why I want to do this...I just do. They'd be kind of decorative on my right hand, and because they're something the BF purchased all those years ago (when I was eight...ha ha) they have a sentimental meaning to me, even if they were purchased FOR someone else. Maybe I feel that the rings would give me some sort of bond with the younger him, or "remind" me of who he was before I met him, years and years ago?

Am I making sense?


Okay, so would any of you do that--wear rings intended for someone else? I can predict your answers...lol. Would any of you even WANT to? I don't even know how to bring this up to the BF without sounding super weird...but any comments appreciated! Maybe you can even talk me out of WANTING to do this!

Oh, might I add, both wedding bands are engraved with their names on the inside. Gee, when I type this all out I sound bananas. LOL. When he and I get married I will buy us NEW wedding bands, for obvious reasons, and because I want them engraved with my name and his.
 
#3
I wouldn't. It's tempting in a way to want to have part of him from his younger years, but those younger years belonged to him and someone else. Whatever happened with them later I would respect that, and leave alone all personal property he gave to her during that time (even if he has the rings now).

I personally think that it would be a better idea to keep the rings safe, and when the time comes for his son to think about marriage pass them on to him to do what he likes with them.
 
#4
merika said:
I wouldn't. It's tempting in a way to want to have part of him from his younger years, but those younger years belonged to him and someone else. Whatever happened with them later I would respect that, and leave alone all personal property he gave to her during that time (even if he has the rings now).

I personally think that it would be a better idea to keep the rings safe, and when the time comes for his son to think about marriage pass them on to him to do what he likes with them.
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TY for this point of view! He probably WOULD prefer to pass them on to his son...I never thought about it that way. And I guess what you said about respecting their past makes good sense; I guess I should focus on the two of us in the present instead.

:smile1:
 
#7
I wouldn't....i agree with others, the ring is "memory" of those years belonged to him and someone else. Personally i don't even like the idea that hes kept the ring. I one time found my bf and his ex's matching rings with their names engraved inside, and i felt livid and frustrated.....
 
#8
Caxe, I totally admire your intentions. I think most women - myself probably included - would have to fight their first impulse to just throw them out and then raise hell about having the rings around in the first place. But... I do agree with the others, in that it just sounds a little odd. Better to leave them for his kids...
 
#9
Although it may be tempting to try, you cannot take those years back from him and you cannot erase his time with her. You wearing the rings would likely only remind him of her - at least him seeing the rings daily would have to remind him of her. For that reason alone, I would not want to wear them. You want his time spent thinking about YOU, and you don't want him worrying that you are insecure about the time he spent with her (and to many people you would appear insecure to be wearing those rings).

Get a NEW start with him. And then you can hint that you are interested in an actual right-hand ring!
 
#10
HauteMama said:
Although it may be tempting to try, you cannot take those years back from him and you cannot erase his time with her. You wearing the rings would likely only remind him of her - at least him seeing the rings daily would have to remind him of her. For that reason alone, I would not want to wear them. You want his time spent thinking about YOU, and you don't want him worrying that you are insecure about the time he spent with her (and to many people you would appear insecure to be wearing those rings).

Get a NEW start with him. And then you can hint that you are interested in an actual right-hand ring!
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HauteMama, I will readily admit that I'm probably more than a little insecure. I don't know how many second wives feel this way, but...when the man has had a very long first marriage (his lasted close to twenty years), and you're already substantially younger than he is, maybe at times you wonder what it would have been like to be the FIRST wife. The first one he ever thought about marrying, the first one he ever committed to, etc. I don't really discuss these things with him, because his marriage wasn't pleasant (from what he's told me), but yeah, in the back of my mind, sometimes, that thought is there. If I think more about it, I do agree that he probably doesn't want to be constantly reminded of her, and would see absolutely no good reason for my wanting to wear the ring.

Hmmm...I've never asked him for jewelry before (although when he asked me what I want for Christmas I told him a Palm Centro; I've never been shy about asking for electronics) but a right-hand ring might make a nice gift. If he asks again, I might mention that to him.

schadenfreude said:
Caxe, I totally admire your intentions. I think most women - myself probably included - would have to fight their first impulse to just throw them out and then raise hell about having the rings around in the first place. But... I do agree with the others, in that it just sounds a little odd. Better to leave them for his kids...
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I never felt any anger or resentment that he kept the rings...it was more of a WTF moment because I would think that she would have kept them. But they are tucked deep away in a "hiding place" and I know that he never looks at them, so I won't make a big issue of that. His son will probably someday see the value in having all three rings, though--his and both of hers.

bb10lue said:
I wouldn't....i agree with others, the ring is "memory" of those years belonged to him and someone else. Personally i don't even like the idea that hes kept the ring. I one time found my bf and his ex's matching rings with their names engraved inside, and i felt livid and frustrated.....
Click to expand...

Yes, I can see that POV and I have nothing but respect for his first relationship and those memories. After all, he got something extremely important out of that relationship: his son. I wouldn't want to disrespect that in any way...ever the more reason to not wear them.

TY for all advice so far, I appreciate it!

:yes:

 
#11
How about you look at Whiteflash for a RHR -- they have several designs. Just a thought.

ETA: Oh, and for the record -- you don't sound weird or creepy -- just a girl who likes her diamonds -- and I can appreciate that! :)
 
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#12
There's no way that I would. It would be too weird to wear something that was meant for someone else. Besides that, would you want to wear a reminder of what he shared with another person? Buy yourself something nice for a RHR. :)
 
#15
i would say no too :nogood:

if he kept them away where he couldn't see them, it probably means he doesn't want to be reminded so it wouldnt be right to wear them.

i think it's more exciting to hunt for another RHR? ;)
 
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