How long were you and your SO together...

#16
acegirl said:
I wanted to add, 7 years is a long time...Yes, he should know whether you are "the one" or not by now (& vice versa) Maybe he really just has that fear of the "ball & chain" as mentioned but frankly, he shouldn't be thinking of marriage as a bad thing. I would wonder exactly what things he has left to do that marriage will interfere with?! I agree, I wouldn't give him an ultimatum either, you shouldn't have too. In the end, you have to make the ultimate decision on what to do. Women are having babies later in life now. You are young & will have plenty of time, so don't worry but please don't sacrifice what you want in life. As K said, take care of yourself, you come first! Hugs & Good luck:flowers:
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Ditto to all of that!:heart:
 
#17
7 yrs and 5 months.. still no engagement.. lol..... although it had been mentioned, there's no concrete plans yet.. still gotta get a job so I am oki with no engagement yet..
 
#18
To some extent, I feel that it's important to push a little. If you're like me, you would prefer to get married before you have kids, and it becomes increasingly unwise to have children after the age of 30.

Just a thought.
 
#19
I've been with my fiance for about 6 years now in December. I've been engaged about 4 years now, we are FINALLY getting married Dec 18 2006, in the bahamas. I'm 30 and he is 26. I think he defintely had to grow up before we got married, experience life a little bit.
 
#20
My DH and I got married a couple of years after we met.

swee7bebe, I think 7 years is enough time for a couple to get to know each other, and if marriage is what you want by the age of 30 and he still is on the fence/scared of marriage, I'd say just dump him. I've seen this type of scenario plenty of times with friends and the couples just drag the relationship on and on with no marriage in sight... I don't think ultimatums work. Ultimately, you should come first - no sense waiting around for a guy to make up his mind after 7 years... Sorry if this sounds too cold or blunt, but I hope you will put yourself first!:heart:
 
#21
I've been dating my bf for 5 years (well in like a month it'll be 5 years). We started dating at 19 and we're both 24 now. He's in grad school, and I will soon be starting grad school. 75% of the time I'm not in a huge rush, 25% of me is dying to have a ring and start dress shopping, etc! But we do both feel like we're young and we can afford the time to be in a little better place financially before making that move... but we both know that it is coming and hopefully sooner rather than later.

I understand the whole ultimatum thing, I had a friend who did that and I would not recommend it. Everyone started talking behind their backs like oh she forced him into it and it looked really bad. You don't want to force someone into making that decision. For me the "push" is making him take me ring shopping, making him understand the expense and the seriousness of the purchase, which I've done wiht my bf, so when the time is right, he knows what to get and stuff like that.

The other thing I've found to be helpful was to have a serious talk about our "timeline" and what would hold stuff up for us and when we'd ideally like to be engaged. I don't think that is forcing someone but if you have a timeline to guide you then you're both on the same page. When you're just up in the air and it is all up to him, I don't think that is fair. And if he wants to wait another two years... that's 10 years of dating?! If he can't commit to that I'd be a little nervous too. Ultimately, if you don't think he's going to shape up, you should find someone who does wnat to marry you as much as you want to marry them. It isn't fair to put your life on hold for the time that he may or may not feel ready to get married.
 
#22
I was with my fiancee for about 4.5 years before he proposed. We're getting married in July, and we will have been together for 5.5 years then. On our wedding day, we'll both be 29. Up until two years ago, he swore he wasn't going to get married, and I always said, "that's fine, but know that I'm going to get married someday. If it's you, that's great, and if it's not ,that's okay too!" I made my expectations very clear. I overheard him telling his friend that he realized that I'm a good girl and he couldn't live without me.
 
#23
Interesting that so many are saying that an "ultimatum" is a bad idea.

As far as I see it, you're just telling him what's important to you. If being married is important, I see no reason why a woman shouldn't flat out say: "This is what I want, and if you can't give it to me, stop wasting my time." Why should you simply give into his point of view?

I've had a lot of girlfriends lay down the cards when it comes to a ring, and without exception, they've gotten what they wanted. I would do the same thing. It's simply a matter of asserting what it is you really value: and personally, I value a serious commitment (I do not believe marriage is "just a piece of paper"). Personally, I'd also want to be able to have children, and I would not want to choose to have children outside of a marriage.

I say tell the guy what you really want. Don't let him convince you of what that is. If it's a marriage, then so be it.
 
#24
I've been proposed to 3 times...
I was with the first 3 years, and he asked uh, when we were 16. And then again at 17.
The second we were together 7 months before he asked.
The third asked after we had been together 8 months.
None of them had rings though, so I don't know if you count those as serious proposals. :P
I'm also currently single!!!!!!!! ;p
 
#25
Been together for 5 yrs and not married or engaged.


swee7bebe said:
before you got engaged/married?

My bf and I have been together for 7 + years, and the subject of marriage has come up, but he still says he's not ready for marriage (I'm 27 and he's 25). I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've told him that I want to get married within the next 2 years, but he still says that we're too young, he still has stuff that he wants to do, blah blah blah. I guess I've been thinking about this a lot because most of my close friends have gotten engaged/married in the last 2-3 years. I do want to be married and have a child before I'm 30, and I think that after being together for 7 years, he should know if he wants to get married or not. He says that he does want to, but he's not ready yet. I don't know...we're both doing pretty well, we both have good jobs (I'm a nurse and he does IS for human resources for a medical group), I have my own house (or condo), we're both financially stable...I guess what really bothered me was that last night we were having dinner at his brother's house. Bf's friend from high school was there and he had just proposed to his gf recently...he and my bf are the same age (his gf is my age) and he has been with his gf for maybe 3+ years? She was telling my bf that they're not sure when they're going to get married yet, but she wants to be able to enjoy being married for a year or two before they start having kids...and that she wants to start having kids before she's 30 - which is exactly how I feel. I guess it just got me thinking because he's more mature than his friend, and his friend was the last person who I would think would propose to his girlfriend...and if he could do it, what is my bf so scared of? I don't know...am I just crazy? People have told me to give him an ultimatum, but then I'd feel like I was forcing him. I don't want someone to marry me because he feels forced...

Anyway...sorry for the long post. I guess I'm just feeling down...
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#28
Together a year and a half. I was 30 and he was 27. For us that was ample time. We knew all of our goods, bads and everthing else. We were sooooo very ready to seal the deal. Oct. 21st will be our 6yr. wedding anniversary!
 
#29
We met in February, began dating in March, he proposed in June and we married in November ALL in the year 2000. This year is our 6 year anniversary for EVERYTHING!! :yahoo:
 
#30
NVMyLV said:
We met in February, began dating in March, he proposed in June and we married in November ALL in the year 2000. This year is our 6 year anniversary for EVERYTHING!! :yahoo:
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Wow, that's an awesome story!

=) Thank you all for responding with your stories. I guess just seeing everyone else around me getting engaged/married was starting to bug me. It's nice to know that not everyone gets married right away. It will happen when the time is right.
 
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