How do you feel about friends borrowing your clotes repeatedly?

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J

jclr

O.G.
Dec 13, 2006
538
2
#1
I close friend of mine has begun to date again in the last year. At the beginning of this time, it was fun to offer her my party/cocktail dresses. In instances where would be at the same social event, it was nice to hear her get complimented on my dresses. These people don't know that the dresses are mine.

Months later, she has borrowed one of my favorite dresses again. I guess it just didn't sit well with me. I have only worn the dress twice and she has now worn it three or four times. For all intents an purposes, some of our mutual friends think this dress is hers.

I don't like feeling this way. I started out being generous but now I feel like a schmuck for resenting her. I think part of it is that she can be abusive about these things. She's a total cheapskate.

How many times is appropriate for a person to borrow someone else's clothes?
 
#2
If it is a close friend and she is taking good care of the item....I wouldn't worry about it! After all...you know it is yours! But if she is putting wear and tear on it, I would suggest the two of you take a shopping trip to find her something equally as fabulous for her own wardrobe!
 
#3
For smaller things like shirts and accessories, i don't care. A dress is kind of a big item, and I think I would only let my friends borrow one if she was going to an event that was outside of my social circle. You can't really wear a dress more than once or twice among the same people, and people will definitely remember seeing it. If she was going somewhere without anyone i know present, then i wouldn't care.
 
#5
I would not worry about that if she is my close friend. But, I don't feel comfortable when my friend wear the same thing as I do, I mean, realy close friend, and she always wears the same thing after I do. ......
 
#6
Thanks, folks, for the input. I wanted to get over these negative feelings I was having. I know it's not fair of me to offer my dresses and be upset by it later. That's my problem, not hers. I like the suggestion of shopping with her, but I know she would never buy anything. I suppose my feelings stem from another matter that has nothing to do with clothes. She is so cheap that when we buy a joint gift together she doesn't pay me. When going out together, she will split right down to the penny and order the cheapest thing on the menu. But when we are with my husband and her date, money is no object. This is beside the point I've made in this forum but I think this is why I was peeved. I think the general consensus is that I probably made a big deal about the dress. Plus, she's a very good friend in many other respects. Thanks, guys!
 
#7
Kiwi made some excellent points:yes:


I am such a horrible person, i HATE to share
blush.gif

I would rather buy someone something than let them borrow mine.

I am ashamed to say, but when i let my friend borrow my favorite sweater this one time to a dinner we went to with friends, i found myself periodically look at her to see that she wasnt spilling anything on it.

And i HATE it when people even look in my closet because i dont want them asking to borrow clothes/shoes/purses/jewelry/accessories when they see it.

If someone calls me to borrow something, i bring over TONS of stuff for them, but secretly it is all clothes that i wouldnt mind too much if they wore. I would never bring designer or my favorite things for them to pick from.
blush.gif


I know that is selfish, and i am trying to work on it. I do not have too much designer clothing, but i am still blessed and closets filled with sooooo many clothes. So i should share and be happy to share.... but i just cant :( It's sad, i know.


Not that i am trying to justify my actions by any means, but although i am selfish when it comes to people borrowing my clothes, i NEVER ask to borrow anyone else's. And although I am selfish in the borrowing my clothes area, i am not selfish in any other area of life. I just have a hang-up about my clothes :confused1:



Not to facilitate my selfishness..... but what is a nice way to say "no" to a person who asks to borrow something that you dont want to loan out?

I thought of one, "It's kinda special because my parents/relative/SO bought it for me," but i can only use that line so many times.
 
#9
If she borrows it once, that's fine. If she borrows it two or three times, she needs to buy her own. The next time she specifies that she wants to borrow a specific item of clothing, tell her it's at the cleaners.
 
#11
jclr said:
Thanks, folks, for the input. I wanted to get over these negative feelings I was having. I know it's not fair of me to offer my dresses and be upset by it later. That's my problem, not hers. I like the suggestion of shopping with her, but I know she would never buy anything. I suppose my feelings stem from another matter that has nothing to do with clothes. She is so cheap that when we buy a joint gift together she doesn't pay me. When going out together, she will split right down to the penny and order the cheapest thing on the menu. But when we are with my husband and her date, money is no object. This is beside the point I've made in this forum but I think this is why I was peeved. I think the general consensus is that I probably made a big deal about the dress. Plus, she's a very good friend in many other respects. Thanks, guys!
Click to expand...

She could be a mooch, even if she is a good friend. Please don't flame me for this, but I had a friend like that and I can understand why you're annoyed. Rhetorically speaking, if she's becoming serious with that guy, are you going to have to keep supplying her with dresses? If you feel resentful, then you're probably giving her too much power over your wardrobe.

Maybe you could institute a new rule where each article can only be borrowed twice. That way, it's still new to the two of you, but you get to enjoy it for longer.
 
#13
I will not let anybody borrow my things. Maybe it has to deal with my sister borrowing my clothes all the time when we were younger. I take care of my stuff and just don't feel good about other people wearing them. I would NEVER let anyone borrow my purses................
 
#14
I agree. She sounds like she could be taking advantage of you.... Better to talk about it with her to avoid misunderstandings....


Janos614 said:
She could be a mooch, even if she is a good friend. Please don't flame me for this, but I had a friend like that and I can understand why you're annoyed. Rhetorically speaking, if she's becoming serious with that guy, are you going to have to keep supplying her with dresses? If you feel resentful, then you're probably giving her too much power over your wardrobe.

Maybe you could institute a new rule where each article can only be borrowed twice. That way, it's still new to the two of you, but you get to enjoy it for longer.
Click to expand...
 
#15
I had a good friend borrow a dress more than I wore it and then it disappeared - so I don't lend out items that I will be upset to lose anymore unless its my sister, best friend, mother, that's about it.
 
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