Workplace Hellish Work Place

meluvs2shop

In Love
Moderator
O.G.
Jul 15, 2007
10,866
5,498
Hi All!
I’ve been in the working field for many years, in other words, I’m not young. I left my previous job (that I loved) for my current job because at the time I truly thought it was my dream job! I realized quickly that things aren’t always greener on the other side. I’m currently looking for a new job. However, I need some advice: I have a very important meeting tomorrow with a VP and my direct report. (I’m in management). This meeting has the makings of a disaster. I feel like my direct report lacks leadership and solid decision making skills. With that said, we got into a heated disagreement last week. I admitted my mistakes, but now he wants to have a formal conversation. I don’t think I’ll get fired, more of a warning. Which has never happened in my career! Anyway, my question is- how do you have a tough conversation in the workplace without getting overly emotional? I say that because I’m disappointed in my leader, but I have to be an adult and communicate effectively without getting upset. How do you all handle tough conversations in the workplace and keep it strictly professional and not get emotional? I need tips! Please. I don’t want to cry. :sad:
 

lorihmatthews

A taste for the arts
O.G.
Oct 7, 2006
31,901
9,552
Hi All!
I’ve been in the working field for many years, in other words, I’m not young. I left my previous job (that I loved) for my current job because at the time I truly thought it was my dream job! I realized quickly that things aren’t always greener on the other side. I’m currently looking for a new job. However, I need some advice: I have a very important meeting tomorrow with a VP and my direct report. (I’m in management). This meeting has the makings of a disaster. I feel like my direct report lacks leadership and solid decision making skills. With that said, we got into a heated disagreement last week. I admitted my mistakes, but now he wants to have a formal conversation. I don’t think I’ll get fired, more of a warning. Which has never happened in my career! Anyway, my question is- how do you have a tough conversation in the workplace without getting overly emotional? I say that because I’m disappointed in my leader, but I have to be an adult and communicate effectively without getting upset. How do you all handle tough conversations in the workplace and keep it strictly professional and not get emotional? I need tips! Please. I don’t want to cry. :sad:

Write down your notes and what you want to say. That way you won't get flustered during the meeting. Rely on them and also take notes during your conversation. Follow up with an email if necessary and determine next steps before the meeting ends.
 

redney

Lovin' Life!
O.G.
Apr 21, 2006
14,472
10,004
Agree with Lori - be prepared with the facts and what you want to say. I'd also recommend that you practice saying the words aloud in private first - so you can practice keeping your professional tone and ward off emotion. Also try to keep the situation in mind as a work situation - not a personal situation - so as to separate your personal feelings from it.

However, I'm confused. How does a disagreement with a subordinate turn into the possibility of you getting fired or reprimanded? Unless the words you used were egregious and unprofessional, I don't see why a manager would be in danger of losing her job.
 

juneping

couch potato-ing
O.G.
Jun 11, 2007
17,758
954
write things down, and take deep breathes....
can you rehearsal with someone you trust?? once you've done it...it's easier to repeat the same scenario without much emotions.
but another point i want to make more importantly...it's you should know where you stand in this situation and you should know your worth (mentally, professionally, personally)....it's a professional conversation/meeting, you need to know your leverage and then go into the negotiation......afterall you are not someone lucky that the job was handed to you with mercy.....
Good Luck!!
 

meluvs2shop

In Love
Moderator
O.G.
Jul 15, 2007
10,866
5,498
I did react poorly. It was unprofessional. I allowed my personal feelings towards my manager to get the best of me.

In my entire professional career I never done such a thing. Thank you all for your advice. I played out scenarios and spoke things out loud so I would be prepared come meeting time. If anything, it’s clear as day I need to move on from this current job sooner rather than later.
 

A1aGypsy

Miserable AF
Aug 2, 2017
2,673
10,166
I think you have already done what you needed to do and own it. But I think you have the right to say “I made a mistake and lost my cool and I will apologize and take responsibility for that. However, this is a good opportunity to talk about some of the issues that lead to that. Exhibit a...”. Now is the time to air that laundry when you have his boss’ ear (if it is truly problematic)

Beyond that, deep breaths and think before you speak. Good luck!
 
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meluvs2shop

In Love
Moderator
O.G.
Jul 15, 2007
10,866
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It went okay. I still have a job! I kept my cool and listened. I would have liked to
come clean but my manager and the VP are thick as thieves. I said my piece in the most diplomatic way possible and for now moved on. However, as I mentioned earlier, this company is not for me and I’m currently looking for a new job. Fingers crossed!
 

redney

Lovin' Life!
O.G.
Apr 21, 2006
14,472
10,004
Thanks for the update, OP. Glad you were diplomatic - and if I'm reading into it correctly, did not cry or show emotion. That's good news for your time with your employer as you job search. Wishing you the best wishes in finding your new job!
 

BigBagLady

O.G.
Jan 13, 2006
492
92
I really feel for you! It's best to get out and move on as soon as you are able to for your own sanity's sake. The same thing happened to me. I stayed way longer than I should have and it really was not healthy for me. Best of luck to you!
 

meluvs2shop

In Love
Moderator
O.G.
Jul 15, 2007
10,866
5,498
Update: interviewing and still looking. Confident a job will come along...

Has anyone dealt with a toxic work environment? I never have- this is my first. How have you dealt? Aside from moving on. How did you stay focused and not get sick with awful anxiety etc.?

I can’t quit. I have a mortgage etc. Things are far worse at work than I could EVER imagine without getting into specifics.
 
T

the_black_tie_diyer

Hi!

Sounds to me like you're simply over-qualified for the job you currently have (or maybe better, the actual work you're doing right now) and when you look around you, you see disaster - you probably even kinda "foresee" it by now.

Been there, done that.

Long term solution if you want to stay true to yourself and keep sane: quit. I see you're working on that, good for you & your health! :smile: :flowers:

Short term solution: Adapt tunnel vision. Focus on your job and the team/people working for you - and only that. Do what you have to do to fulfill your contractual obligations, but nothing more than that. Get in and out clean. What I mean by that is: start your mornings with something you love, go to work, leave everything "work" at work, end the day with something you love.

If its more than that: If you're being harassed/ side lined/ set up/ (...) now that you spoke up: keep track of it and your work, while this is not the most healthiest thing to do, it can help you to make a strong statement/case if ever needed.

Stay strong and focussed, have fun prior too, and after work. :flowers:

Kind regards,
Oliver
 
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