Hate my house

[gillianna]

Do you think it is possible for a house to have bad Karma??? I mean I really HATE my house. I have never felt comfortable in this house from day one (almost 3 years ago). I know part of the problem is that I find it very ugly with the other owners decorating (UGH) you have to see the horrible wallpaper and paint colors to believe it.... I am trying to paint the rooms, one by one and the kids rooms look great and I just painted the master bedroom a pale green with Shabby Chic Rachel Ashwell pink rose curtains and comforter set, but I still have my office in there so that has to go and I need some Ikea closet units.....so it is not the room of my dreams yet. I guess what I am saying this is not the house of my dreams or even close. Hubby picked it out by himself and it is a large colonial (the style of house I hate the most....). In Florida I had light and bright houses with tons of light and more contemporary styles.....
I just get such a negative vibe from this house. I am going to remove all the wallpaper soon and start painting and decorating my way. Think pottery barn and shabby chic together, clean but pretty with little clutter.....
I guess I am in a bad mood today and need to vent......I just feel that going on 3 years one should have their act together and there house should look like a home. I feel NOTHING when I come in to my house, I feel like it shouts UGLY.......Maybe becaue our last house was only one year old when we bought it and the people did top of the line everything, like granite counters, custom cabinets that you felt everything was perfect and nothing had to be done. Also the house was on a lake so it was very tranquil. I am reading some decorating books on how to bring peace and calm to your surroundings. I hope this post does not sound really strange but do you think it is possble to just not feel comfortable in the place you live for reasons you can't explain? At this point I would love to move......

 

[boxermom]

It doesn't sound strange at all. When you said your DH picked the house on his own, and you didn't have input, I can see why you feel this way. It's not "you" no matter how much redecorating you do.

How do you feel in the rooms that are now more your style? Maybe it's the whole flow of the house that's not right for you. It sounds like you're really missing your previous home. I've had 2 homes on a lake and it's like a natural tranquilizer--so peaceful to look out on the water and the wildlife that goes with it. I have friends who have been in situations similar to yours--financially they were able to relocate to homes they loved. If that's not realistic for you, maybe there is some remodeling that could help you feel more at home in your own place. The books you're reading sound good, too.

One last thought--is it possible you resent the move (which is a loss of sorts) and it's not just the house?

Best wishes to you. Believe me, I have a very good idea of how you're feeling.

 

[gillianna]

I think the move was a big mistake. We had our dream home in a wonderful neighborhood in Florida in a charming town. We only lived there for one year (but we lived in florida for about 20 years total). My daughter and I both got sick and somehow we felt we needed to move back up north to be around family. Also we needed to help take care of Dad who now lives with us a few months out of the year. I hate NJ, I guess that may be part of the problem because I really thought moving back here would surround us with family and I see my siblings on holidays. I mean try as I may we hardly get together. I have been trying to connect with my sister and we maybe get together once every 2 months but I thought I would have more...... I do have the most wonderful friends/neighbors here. I can say they are the best people I have ever met and they are the nicest neighbors I ever had from anywhere we ever lived, so I would not trade them for the world. I just hate the house. My dream home is Key West cottage, front porch, wood floors, tons of light. The house we owned 2 houses before this was decorated like that, I had everything done and it was perfect and a very happy home. Hubby will never again spend $$ doing the things I did-like all the custom mouldings, french doors, wood floors, Laura Ashley wallpaper and curtains in most rooms and the flow to that house was nice. I just feel like I am living in a box, a ugly box and no matter what I do it will still be a box. I am not one who needs a big $$ house, I don't feel it is a materialistic thing. Our one house that was decorated so pretty was new so I did it my way from the start and it was 50% cheaper in price than the house we now live in and yet it was a nicer house to me. My friend lives in a old small cottage and I think her house has more charm than any house I have ever been in. You walk in to her house and you feel at home. I just feel bad vibes in the house. My one friend wants to do a blessing of the house with sage--she is in to all this new age stuff and feels a house holds vibes from previous owners. I am going to start to paint next week and will have the bathroom wallpaper done first-so maybe just starting with one room can start to lift my spirits.
Or do you think it could be the 100+ plants Hubby has in this house as I suffer with major allergies and he just doesn't get it.......

 

[chicky]

Totally get where you're coming from!!

The house we live in was the same when we moved in...yucky decor, strange smells, it never really felt like home for a long time...and to some extent, it still doesn't now, because there are still some things that need doing - five years on!

We've not yet gotten round to decorating our bedroom so we've still got the same yellow and blue striped design from the previous occupiers, that is so not me!

Then there's the structural problems we've had...leaking roof, damp, fallen down fence, rotting wooden frames holding up the porch, naff windows...the list is never ending and sometimes i just hate it here!

I think you may feel better, and more positive, once every room is finished to your taste, and exactly how you want it.

You also say you didn't help to choose the house, so maybe you never liked it from the start because of this..?

A house is a major investement and not always one that we can call home.

The idea of burning sage is probably a good one - maybe even try some crystals, to help the positive energies flow?

The plants don't help if you have an allergy to them either!

All the best to you - i hope you find happiness and peace soon xx

 

[LisaS]

If you're considering the sage thing, maybe try a Feng Shui consultant. They can be really helpful.

 

[boxermom]

^^^LisaS--Feng Shui just occurred to me also! There may be ways to rearrange a few things to improve the vibes. I know what you mean about the 2-story colonial. I'm from the midwest, and that's what most families get. We had one while our sons were growing up. Then, like you, I was able to build a home to my tastes--rooms turned out just like I envisioned them; it was as close to perfect for me as possible. Too long a story, but we're in a different state with a house that has a lot of problems and some days it gets to me so much.

You had expectations regarding family that are falling short, you left an area where you were happy in your home, and now you live in a house you didn't even select! No wonder you're geting bad feelings about your home. It's so tied into a reflection of ourselves.

If the things you're doing to change the atmosphere (and I love the decor you're doing) don't help enough, possibly you and DH could talk about some remodeling. Colonials are notorious for boxy rooms and not much open flow--maybe that could be changed. Or add a porch? Update the light fixtures, put in HWF, etc. I know it all involves money. Maybe there's a house nearby that suits you better. Those are all things you're thinking about , I'm sure.

I'm glad you posted because this really strikes a chord with me and I suspect many others. My dwelling has so much to do with how I feel about myself.
Sorry to be so long-obviously, I'm empathizing with you.
Best wishes.

 

[nyshopaholic]

I thought I was the only person who disliked my house. My husband and I purchased this house 6 months after we got married, and we will be here three years in April. I hated this house from the moment we walked into it. I am not joking when I say it was the ugliest house on the block. My husband joked that it looked like a urinal, white on the top half and a disgusting mustard-yellow color on the bottom half. Plus, the backyard was a total wasteland- my mom used to call it the lunar landscape. But, as a handyman's special, it was the only thing that was in our price range and I was out of work at the time so I caved and here we are today. The only requirement I had when we were house hunting was that it had a driveway and it doesn't even have that so I have to fight for street parking every time I move my car.

In the almost three years that we have been here, we have done major outstide renovation work. We landscaped, re-sided and put new windows, doors, and a fence in. Now our neighbors tell us it is the prettiest house on the block! The inside, however, is still a work in progress. My kitchen is from the 1970's and I have this horrible red-brick color commercial tile in all the rooms. We just saved up to re-do the living room and now it looks like a page in the Crate & Barrel catalog, homey and warm and comfortable. Hubby knows I still have not warmed up to it, but I try to not let it bother me so much, especially because he works really hard to renovate it so I am happy with the results. Hang in there-- I hope that you will start to feel better about it as you move further along the renovation process!

 

[boxermom]

^^^Your experience sounds so much like my son who lives near DC. Housing is so ridiculous that to get a (overpriced)place at all they settled for an old house that needed major work. Like you, not even a driveway-park on the street.

 

[Pursegrrl]

Great ideas about remodeling or feng shui . ITA, if you had no say in it from the beginning then it's hard to get on board with the house from the get go. If you love it AND realize it needs a lot of changing to get to the way you envision, then all the better.

I'll offer up some empathy...when I bought my townhouse 4 years ago I knew it needed a lot of updating to get out of the 1980 vibe but I had no idea how much time and money it would take as a first time homebuyer. To top it all off, the association plunged into an assessment shortly after I was to move in (and voted on it the day after I closed) so I had to fork out several thousands more on top of what I was already putting down with down payment, etc. I'm glad we did the assessment (major exterior repair) but it put a damper on interior projects and it's taken a long time for me to slowly get things the way I like it.

Keep us posted!

 

[merika]

I totally understand. My dad built a house in the 70s, but we never lived in there as he was working at a university in a different city and we had faculty housing. We ended up moving around lots, and my mom and I came back to live in the house my dad built 30 years later, after my marriage and all that followed it.

Anyhow, I hate the house. It's cramped and small, and my dad has built in in such a way that it needs drastic teardowns if it needs to be remodelled. My mom still lives there, and I'm always thinking of what I will do if I ever move back. He built it on a prime piece of property too - so selling up seems awful to contemplate...we'd lose a nice neighbourhood.

 

[gillianna]

I am glad to see I am not the only one with this problem. I bought a few books on Feng Shiu and find them quite interesting with color and furniture placement. I need to start with color first. One of my hobbies is painting furniture so I have some nice furniture in the basement from our old houses just waiting to be redone and I can do anything I want with it.....
It's just been so hard to live with the depressing wallpaper in this house. I mean tones of gold background with dark colors. The bathroom has black border with flowers on the wallpaper and you feel like you are in a closet when you are in there.....UGH...... I am buying a wallpaper steamer from Home Depot and will take all the wallpaper down. Problem is hubby will have a fit, he seems to think the wallpaper is just fine,but then again he really couldn't care less. You know how some people are, if the wallpaper is up and the walls are painted by previous owners why bother to change---why because I hate it and it is beyond ugly..... SO I guess my journey for 2007 will be to try to make this house a home and get to work on some projects. Dad is coming here tomorrow for one month and he will probably faint if he sees me painting and removing the wallpaper is something he told me never to do because for some reason he thinks it is so beautiful and expensive. I really don't care what they paid it is ugly-think gold background with shimmer with grapes and vines all over it in a country kitchen done in white cabinets with tan tile backsplash. Does not go together at all. I always feel a Staten Island resturant vibe going on in the kitchen area, which is a big area. So here's to a new look for a new year. I will keep you all updated on my progess. Maybe my mood will change for the better.
Hugs to all.

 

[madamefifi]

I loved my house that I bought after my divorce--a '30's Craftsman-style two story white clapboard house with a great big front porch and all those exquisite little details like hardwood floors, real glass doorknobs, decorative plaster moldings around the ceiling fixtures, walk-in basement, ceramic tile floors in the bathrooms, etc. But I fell in love and had to move! The house we live in now is a 70's split level--nothing too exciting. We did rip out all the nasty wall-to-wall carpet and install hardwood floors--including in the kitchen--but we have a ways to go to rid the house of the ugly '70s vibe. My DH found this house and he loved it--well, he loved the location which is out in the country with alot of land--and I had already sold my house and had to be out of it by the end of the month so I agreed. I wasn't thrilled about the house but we had to go somewhere (DH's house was on the market, too).

Well! Turns out the seller had just declared bankruptcy but he "forgot" to tell the real estate agent. As you can imagine the ensuing legal maneuvering set the closing date back quite a bit--in fact we thought we'd never close at all. Meanwhile I was forced to move into my DH's tiny little rancher, 1 1/2 hours away from my job, with 6 cats! And all my stuff was in storage. We didn't end up closing until the end of Feb. which was 5 months after we were originally scheduled to close. Did I love the ugly 70s split level out in the country by then? You bet I did!!!

 

[ProfNot]

Rather than doing one room at a time, I suggest you paint all the rooms first.

Color has such a strong effect on mood!

It is hard to hate a room when you are surrounded by gorgeous color.

Paint is fairly cheap so you won't have to wait as long to feel better. It costs more initially if you have to buy paint and furniture for each room at a time.

Do the rooms you spend time in first. I suggest you start with your bedroom, bathroom, and family/living room.

I am an artist and one of the side things I do is professional color consultation - for wardrobe and for home interiors. My clients find me word of mouth. I have had years of training in color theory for fine art, interiors, and lighting.

I suggest you find someone with strong training in color theory and ask them to come to your home and give you a one-time consultation. Your husband would have to be there but only would be needed for a short time. The consultant needs to see his coloring and hear his likes and dislikes to know what colors will work best for both of you. The color recommendations will be based on your favorite colors AND what colors you and DH look good against.

You could start looking for a consultant at a college near you that offers classes in color theory for artists and/or interior designers. I would ask the teacher first. If she is not available/interested, ask her to recommend a student she thinks is gifted.

You could also ask your friends who have homes decorated in gorgeous colors you love who they used for the color consultation.

I wouldn't go to an interior designer unless I was given a very strong reference. Most of them do not have much training in color - they just know what is popular right now.

The color consultation will probably cost around $100. Consider it an investment that will save you lots of money by avoiding future mistakes in both home decorating and clothing purchases.

Have fun!