Has anyone's SO surprised them w/ an e-ring w/o their input?
- Thread starter Docjeun
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and, yes, yes you are 
I hope he's enjoying the process
I find it intensely romantic that he (and many guys) REALLY do the research and REALLY want to learn all they can!
I was totally suprised and had no involvement. I don't regret not being involved. He got down on one knee and shocked the hell out of me which IMO is the way it should be. Maybe old fashioned but if you go and pick it out where's the element of surprise. I love my ring and wouldn't change a thing 
Sure. Super sweet!! I acknowledged its romantic.
But to say that it'll soon our marriages if we helped?
Give me a break.
Not sure what the 2nd part means. I don't think it's selfish if you are involved I think that's a over the top statement. Everyone is different and has their opinion.
The thing is, each couple IS different, as you say. So there can't really be a way a proposal or an engagement ring or a wedding SHOULD be done
It's lovely that YOUR fiance proposed to you in the way YOU liked
Exactly. That's not MY idea of a great proposal. The proposal itself can be a surprise, as in when it happens, but the ring part, hell no. If my husband "shocked the hell out of me" with jewelry I wasn't involved with the selection of, I'd take that as a red flag, quite honestly, because it would be proof he doesn't know me at all, and maybe we're incompatible.
You just made a sweeping generalization that proposals "should be" a specific way for everyone. And both Bitten and I are telling you that every couple is different, therefore there is no "how it should be" on a proposal. You've called yourself old fashioned, and that works for YOUR relationship. My relationship and my feelings don't jive with that, and my example of why being what I said above. YOUR proposal was perfect FOR YOU. If my husband did what your fiancé did in YOUR PROPOSAL for MINE, that would be a red flag for MY relationship. I don't know how that makes me "quite rude" but that's your prerogative.
The second part is in regards to the member that started this new, controversial hijack discussion.
It's not reasonable to say that if everyone doesn't do it ____ way then she's selfish and the marriage is doomed.
Quite. Honestly, if DF had gone down on one knee for me, I would have been asking 'Is there something wrong with your leg?" I'm just not that girl
The second part is in regards to the member that started this new, controversial hijack discussion.
It's not reasonable to say that if everyone doesn't do it ____ way then she's demanding and the marriage is doomed.
Dooooooooooooooooomed...And back to topic!!
One of my friend's husband did things a little differently, in that he proposed to her with a really thin pave diamond eternity band, because he did want to surprise her but then they went together and picked out an engagement ring - he really wanted to make sure she liked it
The way you made it sound about the red flag made it sound to me like it was directed towards me. Everyone has their own opinion on their ring proposal etc. which is what makes us all different and make the world go around.
Who ever said that a marriage is doomed because of them being involved in the ring is a little crazy saying that. I have many friends who would be divorced if that were the case!
Oh god, do I have a whopper for you on this topic. Hold on, lemme heat up a S'mores Poptart and get some water, we'll be here awhile....
*elevator music* .....
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Ok, so, when my husband and I were dating (around 2 years ish), he proposed with the sweetest little ring. The proposal was amazing, sweet, funny, surprising & basically all that is him. The ring he gave me was more a promise-ring-esque engagement ring. We were younger (still kinda are, lol) and weren't loaded down with a lot of our own money and fully out on our own together yet. But, he was well able to afford this and got it for me, totally sight unseen by myself, all on his own. I loved it. I knew I eventually wanted my wedding band to sit flush next to whatever e-ring I got as my forever-set, but if that wasn't in the stars, then I would have been more than happy with this sweet, dainty ring for eternity and gotten a wedding band that either traced it or worked something out... and that's the god's honest truth.
However, a little further into the engagement period, we had branched out more in jobs and money and life some and he wanted to get me a bigger ring and one that would be shaped flush for a wedding band. We decided to put both our inputs in this time, since the proposal and knowledge that we were soulmates had been already established. We decided that I wanted to go unique as opposed to more classic, but still keeping with my love of retro and vinatge/antique looks. we had a jeweler do a test run with glass-cheap stones on the ring design I had though up. Hideous...like...real bad. The idea was there, just the execution (to no fault of the jeweler, he was awesome) didn't translate as amazing as I had hoped. So then, with just some semi-input from me, my husband decided to do a 1/2 and 1/2 and get me a new ring, with some ideas and choices of mine as well as him and a little while after, presented me with a stunning white and green diamond retro vintage deco style ring. I loved it and was over the moon. We got married with that e-ring and my diamond eternity wedding band sat beautifully right up next to it!
Fast forward a bit over a year now. Were are on our own, etc. One of my best friends was now getting married and she was kinda sorta stressing me, her sister and her bridal party out a bit. Just regular nerves and stress any bride and her maids go through, so no fault to her. I was particularly stressed one hot summer afternoon and had just gotten back from luch and wanted to unwind, forget all the impending friend-wedding drama and get undressed, take a cold relaxing shower, take everything off and just lay down and pass out. I took off all my jewelry, e-ring and wedding band included. For some reason, I put the e-ring (1st ring in order to take off on my finger) in our bedroom and then, still on my finger as I went into the bathroom, put wedding band up in the bathroom lil dish tray. For the life of me I don't know why I didn't put the e-ring with it, as a set together, but just didn't. I was frustrated and just wanted water on me, I guess, lol.
Fast forward a day. I had no reason to not believe my ring had just been still sitting on the dresser I had put it before I had gone into the shower that day. I go to look for it to put it on. Nowhere. Look on the floor (as my husband is a bit of a klutz and knocks things over a lot), nada. Start looking everywhere...nothing. I literally...for almost 2 weeks straight tore the house apart and I mean tore. Nothing. I was hyterical, cried, you name it. My husband was not mad at me at all and comforted me, etc. I wore my very 1st dainty e-ring with my wedding band. Didn't sit flush, but I didn't care. I said to myself, you know, maybe I should have just shut up all along and this was how it was suppossed to be and I was happy, but still so very sad I somehow, in some crazy way lost this beautiful ring he worked so hard to make and give me, and I loved it so much, I mean, it was the e-ring I got married in.
Fast forward a few months later (lots of fast forwarding here). We are away on a mini vacation for some R&R. We are out at a beautiful spot and talking, cuddling, being happy. He turns and says he knows the other ring was lost and he needed to do this on his own, for me. I didn't need or want anything more...but he went on his own volition and, as the 1st little ring he gave me, went and got me yet ANOTHER brand new engagement ring, which he got all the parts for and even designed up and had made for me. He did another little proposal for me to accept the ring as his now wife and it was just...incredible. It was a beautiful vintage/antique champagne diamond with white diamonds and just, so magical and heartfelt and breathtaking.
Omg, I'm so sorry this is so long, but there's more, lmao...
Fast forward years later (around 2 years & a few months ago maybe). My parents had been staying in their room in our home that they always did (lived really close anyways, lol but always over). My late mom had a doctor's exam a few months back which one fo the workers was rude to her and it upset her so greatly, I went in person with my hubby (as my mom was my best friend and my heart and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her and defend her over) to talk to the head nurse and the head admin. about it. They were lovely and said this had happened before with this emplyee, etc and made everything right. During this time, the head nurse and I were talking about other things and she commented on my wedding set and I adored hers as well. I told her about my green ring I had lost and even showed her a picture I had kept on my iphone of it. She was deeply religious and told me to pray to St. Anthony, apparently the patron saint of lost items. I felt ridiculous, but that night, I did it. I don't usually pray, but decided to have some faith and give it a go.
So, now we are back to a few months later in my parents guest room in my home as the beginning of the last paragraph, and my mom was laying down resting as she didn't feel good. I went into bring her water and left and she had somehow knocked some stuff over on the side table. She called for me and I ran in and some stuff rolled under the bed. I grabbed a pen, pill bottle and reached a little further under the bed for a small paper I spyed. I grabbed the paper and there was some lump under it. I pulled both, dragging it out from a lil way under under the bed and saw the paper was the card of the head nurse I had spoken to (we kept all her medical stuff and similar on that side table for easy access when over) who was so lovely and told me to pray. The lump...under where the card has fallen. Dust ridden. I pushed the giant dust bunny off and burst into tears. I didn't know if I was crying because it had been so many years, never thought I;d ever see it again or the sheer fear/awe/rush over me that this woman, that prayer or some divine intervention might have happen. It was my green/white diamond ring I had lost years back. My mom was like OMG are you ok what happened, thinking I was hurt, lol...cause I was crying so bad. I showed it to her and she was in shock as well. Now...I KNOW I put this in MY bedroom a lil down the hall all those years back. I know objects dont walk. I do not understand how on earth this got there, in another room, under a bed and led to me by this woman's card, who told me to have faith and how to go about getting it back.
I went back to this woman a week or so later and told her this story and she just had tears in her eyes and this sparkle and told me she had every assurance that I would find it again.
So, to answer your question, it's....person specific. There's no right or wrong to have input or not...a big ring, small ring, sitting flush ring, anything. If you have opinions, voice them. If you want him to do it all on his own and surprise, go for it. If he does it regardless, great. I got surprised, had full input, 1/2 input, you name it. The one consistent thing I do know however, is love. I know you know that is what matters most. I think it's each couple's individual business and personal story which is the real magic.
My husband and I will be celebrating our 7 year wedding anniversary this coming April! He is my life and well, now I have 3 very different rings to tell this long tale about for generations to come. Sorry to have hijacked your thread with my story, but I thought it appropriate to the topic and really, really wanted to share!
Here are the little miracles:
That's a beautiful story! It's clear how deep the love you have for one another runs. I think we often romanticize proposals and engagement rings but really without a deep foundational love and respect for one another, a ring holds no more significance than a pebble you may find on the ground.
My husband proposed without a ring.. On bended knee in Bali. He took me shopping for rings when we got back to the states.. He picked the stone but I let him know what shape diamond I wanted as well as the setting I would like.. This worked for us..10 yrs later (16 yrs together) we changed the setting. I picked it out all on my own this time..
Not to harp on this post or anything but my husband proposed without a ring and we had a very small wedding because we were barely 18. I would have married him even if I never got a ring. Since we were 15 years old we fought to be together so much so that my parents sent me away to a different country. He fought with them every day until they brought me back...only to send me away again. Finally I came back for good, he was waiting for me and I was waiting for him and we got married. I can't see how that is selfish.
A few years later things looked up for us and he got me something I loved because he wanted me to be happy. My husband is the best person in my eyes and wouldn't buy something for me so HE could be happy but so I could be happy.
I think selfish is forcing someone to take something that you give them regardless if they like it or not and if they don't then all of a sudden they are selfish.
I think it is very foolish to judge someone based on an external action. I love diamonds, We all like things but it is hardly an expression of whats within.