guilted into visiting...what would you do?

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satine112

satine112

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Apr 26, 2006
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#1
My grandma is sick, and she lives in canada in saskatchewan and i am in usa. SHe wants me to visit, but i really don't want to go there...i love her and all, but i hate sask. My mom is guilting me into going too....and i know even if i wanted to go, DH would be against it....we only get so many days off...and we like to go on real vacations.

what do i do? i feel so bad.....

edit....she's not dying sick...she's just old...and is on dialysis and just wants me to visit cause it's been 10 years since i've been to her place
 
#4
I don't think it's a matter of being "bad". Aren't you going to miss her when she's gone? Unless she's a complete witch, don't you want to see her as much as you can while she is still around? You'll probably feel even worse later if you don't go and she does finally pass on. KWIM?
 
#5
yeah, of course i'll miss her, and yes, i'll probably feel guilty for not seeing her more when she's gone..

it's just....it's so hard. i'm still a newlywed, i jsut saw her, we aren't particularly close and i don't get any paid vaca at my work and DH only gets like a week....so, then we forfeit our yearly anniversary vacation to do this.

god, i sound so selfish right now...
 
#6
maybe u can visit her, n not with the hubby.. sounds like she's impt? i mean, when my mother's mom was sick, i didn't go, not even when she had her funeral coz i hated her.. no one expected me to go, so that was fine.. but the other cousins, they had to go... no choice..
 
#7
I stayed away from family for a long time...(almost 10 years) I moved back to the states in my 30's and was given the GIFT of spending quality time with my famiy...After my return I had almost 3 glorious years with my wonderful father and he passed suddenly....those few years were the most precious years. Shortly after my Grand father passed...I had gone to visit him a few months before and it was again priceless...now my nana has Alzehimers (SP) and I go see her as much as I can ..even though she does not remember me at all...I love seeing her. My point...I would have never forgiven myself if I had not made the effort...to see my loved ones...as you never know what may happen to them. PLUS as I get older...I realize being a senior citizen...its hard!!! It would probly mean the world to her to see you....I hope when Im old and grey, sick and loosing my mind ( as I will) the younger generation of our family comes and gives me kiss, holds my hand for a moment...remembers the good ol days....lets me tell them I love them...you get it. Do not do something you may regret later. Just my 2 cents...As I have gotten older ....my family is so GOLDEN in my heart.
 
#9
...you're right....just, doing the right thing is not easy.

selfish, young me also thinks "she has over 20 grandchildren...why me? i just saw her, i was on my 2 year anniversary in hawaii and she was there too at the same time, so i saw her then....why do i have to fly to saskatchewan, when we are already on limited funds, so swat mosquittos??

grr...i'm stressing myself out.

i mean, we never ever talk, everyone just has their own lives, but now i have this incredible weight on my shoulders and i physically feel sick....i hate this.

I know when my only grandpa died a few years ago...well, i wished i had seen him more, and i still havn't goteen over his death....i guess i know what i have to do.

great. now i'm crying...
 
#10
if you don't want to go, don't go.

i hear you on the not close to grandparents thing. it'd be nice to see them, but in reality life happens and it's not always possible. my grandma passed last year and although a little part of me wishes i'd had the opportunity to know her better, she also refused to come visit us when she was healthy (my parents bought her i don't know how many plane tickets that she just let expire...)

its a two way street.

edit: aw! HUGS! :flowers: don't cry! it's a stressful thing to be guilted. i'm sorry you're going through this...
 
#11
I just read that you are a Newlywed....I have NEVER had the pleasure of enjoying my NEW marriage..my dad set my dh and I up...he was with us on almost every date....he then got ill and died while my dh (then boyfriend) was trying to bring him back to life. THEN we got married...so we then both went thru grieving in our own way together and how that did not tear us apart I will never know. NOW its 3 years later and its getting better...but our family is so first...we have our whole lives...you know what I mean?
 
#12
You have to do what is right for you...I was only sharing my story...Im sorry you are crying...I spent so much time in the last 3 years doing that. Do what is right for you...what feels right...be happy.
 
#13
what do you really want to do? there will always be something that will put a strain on your marriage. Thats just how it is. If your marriage can withstand different kinds of pressure, it makes it stronger. write out a list of pros and cons. your hubby should support any decision you make. its family for petes sake!
 
#14
yeah, i think i should visit...they are making such a big deal about it.

Though...part of me just thinks "oh, it would be nice to have my granddaughter visit" but, she never ever calls me or anything. In fact, she was talking to my mom (they speak about once a month) and said "have (me) call her".....um, why can't she just call me? So, i called her, and we talked about nothing for less than 2 minutes and then she got off the phone. so, what woudl i do there!???

Geez....i don't know what's gotten into people already? i don't think they are pressuring the many other grandkids to visit....what the hell.

oh, and i'm married 2 years..that's sill newlywed, right? lol
 
#15
satine112 said:
yeah, i think i should visit...they are making such a big deal about it.

Though...part of me just thinks "oh, it would be nice to have my granddaughter visit" but, she never ever calls me or anything. In fact, she was talking to my mom (they speak about once a month) and said "have (me) call her".....um, why can't she just call me? So, i called her, and we talked about nothing for less than 2 minutes and then she got off the phone. so, what woudl i do there!???

Geez....i don't know what's gotten into people already? i don't think they are pressuring the many other grandkids to visit....what the hell.

oh, and i'm married 2 years..that's sill newlywed, right? lol
Click to expand...
my computer crashed on me. just got back on. I think we lose sight in our modern culture the respect our elders should receive from us. we should be the ones to call them. we should be the ones to visit them. "the mountain comes to mohammed" kind of thing. (no I am not a muslim - just quoting)

and yeah, 2 years is still pretty new.
 
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