Workplace Don't Marry a Career Women

[koukanamiya]

I also find this to be true. It takes a very confident man to be with an "independent" woman. (I think that confidence builds with age.) So many of the men I meet in business school prefer to date younger and "less accomplished."

Some of my guy friends said that sometimes men prefer dating younger women because younger women are less likely to pressure them into settling ... But by the same token, I also have some male friends who are over 40 who only want to date women in their 40s because they dont' want kids.

And speaking from my own experience ... my SO wanted me to be independent and have my own life, but when I finally do ... he starts getting worried and wonders where I am BUT because of that, he also treats me nicer. Very werid indeed.

 

[koukanamiya]

Agree!

There was a similar study and it basically said that women who subscribe to traditional roles (ie stay home and watch the kids) tend to have more stable marriages. It makes sense because a stable marriage is what they want, what they are focused on. (I'm not saying career women don't want that, but it's not necessarily the center of their lives.)

I think that women who are happy in their marriage will have more stable marriages regardless of whether they're career women or not. I feel that one's attitude and mood as well as relationship with the spouse are some of the biggest factor in having a stable marriage .

If my beliefs in having (or not having in this case) kids as well as my view toward marriage stays the same as it is now many years from now, I'm quite sure that putting me in traditional role will only end up having the opposite effect on my marriage.

 

[Audrey]

It seems that a lot of guys I've run into get drawn to women who are "needy" and then when they do get together with that woman, then they complain about the woman of not being independent enough. I feel that some of these guys are just looking for excuses to make themselves feel better.

Omg kou.. so true. Lol

 

[justwhisper]

Some of my guy friends said that sometimes men prefer dating younger women because younger women are less likely to pressure them into settling ... But by the same token, I also have some male friends who are over 40 who only want to date women in their 40s because they dont' want kids.

And speaking from my own experience ... my SO wanted me to be independent and have my own life, but when I finally do ... he starts getting worried and wonders where I am BUT because of that, he also treats me nicer. Very werid indeed.

:true:

 

[Audrey]

And speaking from my own experience ... my SO wanted me to be independent and have my own life, but when I finally do ... he starts getting worried and wonders where I am BUT because of that, he also treats me nicer. Very werid indeed.

That exact thing is happening to me right now and I don't understand it.

 

[Shari]

This article is stupid.

To be clear, we're not talking about a high-school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a "career girl" has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.

If that is the definition of a "career girl" then guys don't have a HOPE of finding a non-career girl.... especially not when the average house price is $1,000,000, the average car price is $30,000 and the average handbag price is $1,000

How the heck can anybody afford to live in Western society if they don't AT LEAST earn $30,000???

 

[jillybean307]

Screw that! I want as many initials after my name and as many 000's on my paycheck as possible. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home all day farting out babies and compromise my passion to learn and be successful just to be considered a respectable type of woman to marry. I'm very lucky I date a fabulous guy who is proud of what I study (LOL, I think he dates me just to find out what they're saying in The Hunt For Red October) & loves that I'm my own person.

People should talk about what they want in their mate *before* they get married. You can't marry someone who is passionate about her caeer, and then expect her to dump everything to have a baby. Likewise, you can't marry a woman who only wants to be a stay at home Mom, and expect her to become a driven passionate career woman (and throw it in her face that you're earning all the money so it's your way or the highway) a few years down the road.

I think if more people dated longer and actually talked to their partners before the marriage (LOL and after), a lot of these problems wouldn't occur.

 

[tweetie]

If that is the definition of a "career girl" then guys don't have a HOPE of finding a non-career girl....

I don't think the aritcle is stupid, but I agree with your comment that there are not a lot of people that I would call "career" women who make $30K a year. To me, a "career" woman is someone who is making at least $70K a year.

I'm 29, married and have been with my DH for almost 6 years, but married only a little over 1 year - we're a dual income, no kids couple. Both DH and I are doctors, and even more so than the average couple, are expected to have an extremely high rate of divorce.

I agree with some of the points in the article - people with divorced parents defintely tend to perpetuate the cycle more, that I am less likely to have a ton of kids in tow, etc...

But it's also a man problem too. Men "claim" they want smart, intelligent women, but I remember when I was still dating in my early 20's, most men were totally intimidated by the fact I was in medicine and have significantly more earning power. I remember my friends and I had WAY better luck with men by pretending we were nurses or hairdressers, which I guess men perceived to be more fun/less intimidating/ whatever...

Psychologically, people tend to marry people similar to their parents as there is this tendency to replay familiar family dynamics either b/c of familiarity or as an attempt to try and "correct/master" the elements that were dysfunctional in the past. It doesn't always work - hence repeating the cycle of divorce. Same reason I see men possibly wanting the SAHM/SAHW, which may explain the lower divorce rate... and also the fact that if you're at home, you in theory have fewer opportunities to meet new people to cheat with.

IDK - this whole thought puts women in a vulnerable spot - one reason why I would never be a SAHW. First off, I've spent too much time/effort in my work so far, but also, I would never want to be in that spot where if we separate, where I am now struggling to make ends meet after having had a career lapse for 'x' years.

 

[vuittonGirl]

Interesting articles. It reminds me of Carrie Bradshaw from SATC narrating the whole series a/b how men are turned of by successful career driven women.

 

[Pursegrrl]

I think that women who are happy in their marriage will have more stable marriages regardless of whether they're career women or not. I feel that one's attitude and mood as well as relationship with the spouse are some of the biggest factor in having a stable marriage .

If my beliefs in having (or not having in this case) kids as well as my view toward marriage stays the same as it is now many years from now, I'm quite sure that putting me in traditional role will only end up having the opposite effect on my marriage.

Wow, great posts!! Every marriage is unique and while these studies are fascinating, there are always a ton more studies that show completely the opposite results.

As was posted earlier, it depends more on the love, commitment and communication between the husband and wife. For example, I have two sets of relatives where the husband stays home with the kids; the wives' careers excelled far faster than theirs and they did a reversal of traditional roles. They've each been married over 15 years and are very happy with great families!

I'm 39, single with no kids. Never been married. It cracks me up about how men are intimidated by a woman's independence? Hellooooo, if I didn't have a successful career I'd be pushing a shopping cart on the street!

My SO has never been married either and he doesn't have kids. We know we each are a rare breed out there . For us, assuming we stay together, we are more focused on building a happy life together and being close with our families. I love kids, but I don't see myself as a parent, and we both are leery of wanting to have kids into our 40s just for the sake of having kids. So we give our nieces and nephews extra love .

 

[tabbyco]

Here is another perspective in the article that my sister brought up while we were having a discussion about it...

The men he is advising in the article are LAZY!!! If men can't put more work into their marriage and pick up the house, help out with the kids and have a truely equal marriage, then PLEASE don't marry a career woman!!! You will ruin her life, stress her out and make her resent you for being a lazy, unmotivated, chauvenistic bump on a log .

 

[winternight]

Why annoyed me about that article was that it didn't focus on some of the issues that cause this - one of the biggest being that men are insecure and need to feel superior in order to be happy! I'm an attorney and there is no way I'm staying at home, in part because if I drop out of my career I can NEVER pick up where I left off - it just doesn't happen in my field, people will not hire you at the top spots. Plus what if the marriage ends and you can't live your same lifestyle anymore - sorry but I think some of the non-career women stay in their unhappy marriages b/c they cannot financially afford to leave.

Also, I think sometimes career women expect too much from themselves and don't hire enough help (i.e. cleaning help, hence the comment).

Another thing is while this article claims the men are happier as things like housing get more expensive all I hear at work is the guys with stay at home moms complain about how poor they are - and they are all making 6 figures! They have long commutes, because they can't afford to live close to the city and bills, like property taxes and gas, keep rising. My BF loves it that I might make more money than him (although he's making more now) I think its another way he shows me off. His parents also really, really pushed him to find someone well educated who could stand on her own (then again his mom is a career woman and they are super happily married!)

 

[winternight]

Here is another perspective in the article that my sister brought up while we were having a discussion about it...

The men he is advising in the article are LAZY!!! If men can't put more work into their marriage and pick up the house, help out with the kids and have a truely equal marriage, then PLEASE don't marry a career woman!!! You will ruin her life, stress her out and make her resent you for being a lazy, unmotivated, chauvenistic bump on a log .

Sooo TRUE!

 

[BagFreak]

Here is another perspective in the article that my sister brought up while we were having a discussion about it...

The men he is advising in the article are LAZY!!! If men can't put more work into their marriage and pick up the house, help out with the kids and have a truely equal marriage, then PLEASE don't marry a career woman!!! You will ruin her life, stress her out and make her resent you for being a lazy, unmotivated, chauvenistic bump on a log .

I sooo agree with you, I mean come on, over the years a women's work has doubled. Meaning they work outside the home and has to come home cook dinner feed the kids, get clothes out for tommorow, etc. while men still do the same thing, what come home from work sit on the couch and ask wheres dinner. Please.

I have a career and also have two kids, three if my stepson comes to visit. My husband is a truck driver and also has a home business. It's about compromise. We both clean up , we both pick the kids up from school, we both make dinner, we all go grocery shopping, or do anything for that matter as a family. And my kids are very happy well adjusted kids. That's what marriage is about. As far as our income, we have a joint account and I disperse the money among bills, etc. I also agree with Jillybean these things should be discussed before marriage. Besides it's fun when we do stuff together and it gets the job done faster. What's he going to do anyway, sit on the couch and watch me cook and clean, :censor: I'll be damned. Then again that's why my hubby is soo wonderful.

 

[Buttery]

I'm very surprised that this thread doesn't have more pages than this by now.

To me, the information in this article is not that surprising because I've heard men and even women allude to this notion all my life. And notice how the success or failure of the marriage seems to fall upon the woman? I guess it's better for everyone (but especially men) if women are under control.

I'd love to see an article about the type of men women should marry if women would like to stay married. Is an extremely ambitious man more likely to leave you? Is a moderately ambitious man safer to marry? With a moderately ambitious man, you'd have just enough money to be comfortable, but not so much that he can afford to keep another woman. Now, that would be an interesting article.