Do you get upset at your BF/SO a lot? (LONG)

karman

karman

Crazy Cat Lady
O.G.
Aug 19, 2006
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7,894
#1
I do...am I simply being ridiculous?

I think at least once a week I get upset at him...and either hang up on him or ignore him for a few hours. Usually we do make up within 24 hours though.

Just last night...we were conversing about Christmas...and I made a comment intending to explain how Christmas is so "materialized" now...marketers and companies take advantage of this time period to suck buyers to buy their products and it's all a big spending spree. Of course the gift giving is there, but who said you have to give a 12-year old a $600 gift for Christmas in order for the meaning of Christmas to..."be" there?

I don't know if I made any sense, but anyhow I'll continue my story...

I'm Asian and I was born into a semi-traditional family so we don't make a big deal out of most of the Western holidays. We still celebrate Christmas, of course, but we don't get a Christmas tree, play Santa, make Christmas lists, etc. My parents still buy me very small things or gives me a little bit of money for Christmas, but compared to most Western families, Christmas is a tiny, tiny event for us. So....my boyfriend, on the other hand, is the 3rd generation to be in Canada (his family is German/Ukraine) so of course Christmas is a biggie for him. I guess somehow I made my comment sound offensive and he got a little offended and started being all quiet.

My cellphone battery was dying so I had to hang up, and I told him, I need to go and he just said "bye" when usually he'll tell me good night, love you, etc. So I called him back, and after I asked him if he was offended, he said "Yeah, just a little...but I'll get over it". I asked him why he was offended, and he replied, "I just am. I'll get over it." I told him, "Well, it wasn't meant to offend you, but if you saw it that way, I'm sorry." and I hung up. I felt kind of bad, but I was tired last night so I went to bed right away. He tried calling but I didn't pick up the phone. This afternoon, I missed his call and called him back, and we were talking about last night and he said, "Well I guess we're not used to having different viewpoints and stuff..."

WE??? I wasn't the offended one...funny thing is I said to him last night "Well, that's only my viewpoint, I'm sure you can say things like that about our Chinese celebrations as well!" And excuse me, most of our viewpoints ARE different...just being from different backgrounds makes us totally different already...ARGHHH for some reason I got so ticked off and so I told him I had to go to class and hung up.

I don't know what will happen next...he hasn't called me since; he's at work right now, but he knew what time I get off school, etc. My boyfriend isn't the type to go out of his way to do little things to apologize and make me happy again...and I'm not really expecting him to apologize for anything since it's not really anybody's fault here...but...*sigh*

Sorry, just a little rant. It's been on my mind since I woke up this morning...:crybaby:
 
#2
Honestly, I dated someone who I used to argue with AAALLL the time and I just couldn't take it any more. Spats are ok occasionally, but when you are constantly fighting or debating about little things, I just find it's not worth it.
 
#3
No, but I'm a lot older than you. I used to have a relationship like that...it wasn't boring...I think it's something a lot of people go through...if you love him, stick with him and work through those times. I can be very worth it down the road.
 
#5
Yeah...we've been together for almost 2 years now and the first year was 100% spat/debate/argument free. We had our first major argument maybe earlier this year...but it was resolved within a few hours. Things like that usually don't last more than a few hours...and this is the longest we've had a situation going...honestly I think our relationship is a lot more mature than most other couples we know, but I'm just worried that maybe I'm just...a bad girlfriend :crybaby:
 
#6
karman said:
Yeah...we've been together for almost 2 years now and the first year was 100% spat/debate/argument free. We had our first major argument maybe earlier this year...but it was resolved within a few hours. Things like that usually don't last more than a few hours...and this is the longest we've had a situation going...honestly I think our relationship is a lot more mature than most other couples we know, but I'm just worried that maybe I'm just...a bad girlfriend :crybaby:
Click to expand...

It's not like you told him you don't believe in Christmas. I mean really he needs to get over himself and you don't need to beat yourself up about this. Once you two talk, tell him sorry. You didn't know he would get that upset about your feelings on Christmas. Explain to him that in your family Christmas just isn't that big of a deal and that you didn't mean to offend his traditions.
 
#7
karman said:
... he said, "Well I guess we're not used to having different viewpoints and stuff..."
Click to expand...

aahhh the course of true love never runs smooth as they say. there seems to be a point in every relationship, romantic or platonic where the reality of who we are as individuals creeps in. your differences will bring out how compatible you 2 really are eventually. men and women see things differently and always will no matter what the topic is. try to just concentrate on the things that you share common ground on with him. only time will tell if the differences in viewpoints will be intolerable to you. this won't be the only time he or any other guy for that matter will upset you. it's these challenges that help mature us to the person we end up being.

you are not alone - you have us PFers! we'll always listen.:flowers:
 
#8
It's not that big a deal--in a couple weeks you'll wonder why it bothered you. You didn't say anything to deliberately hurt him, he has said he'll get over it but it just takes a bit of time. If you find that these "little" spats are continuing then look at whether you want to continue the relationship; if you do, think about couples counseling. But right now, no biggie. come and unload here anytime.
 
#9
Sigh..I just had a big argument too..the third one this week already.
I'm very upset cos today is my bday (Australian time) and I just dont get it how sometimes guys want to make you something that you are not. I have my point of view and he just shrug it off just becos its not the way he sees it. For that, today I was being called self centred and uptight and he said I pissed him off a lot today.

I just never do things right...little did he know what kind of pressure I have right now for trying to be with him (hes in US). I have to leave my job and my everything here, organize everything by myself but yet am the self centred person that he was talking about.

Anyway, enough about me. I hope you feel better dear..
Its a lot worse for me now cos its happen to be my bday and I suppose to be happy.:crybaby:
 
#10
I thin you're experiencing a normal flux in a relationship.

At first you never fight, then you start finding some differences and disagreements....

Either you will learn to understand, you don't always have to agree on everything, and learn to compromise...listen to each other and sometimes agree to disagree....or (sorry, but it's true) you break up.

I think that is very hard to do....and of, course no couple can do it all the time! I hope you get there :smile:
 
#11
HAPPY B-DAY glistenpearls :cutesy: *hugz n kishes*

It's completely different for me, first year was hell but now 5 years down the track we're on good terms most of the time. There was once when we both held our grounds and refused to talk to each other for over 3 days, this was really hard considering we lived together and shared a bed together. Eventually he gave in and said he can't ever be mad at me for long.

I think both parties need to know when to give in and just be the bigger person to set things straight. I used to think all guys were the same, 'the type that doesn't go out his way to do lil things to make me happy' so one day i sat him down said "it's the lil things that matters, cos girls like me notice more then you think".

So have a talk to him, be open and don't be afraid to let him know how you feel and ask how he feels, what was he really annoyed at. The fundamentals of a relationship that i believe in is based on trust, honesty, being able to express ones feelings. Enjoy the rest of the day as much as you can and cheer up :kiss:
 
#12
I dated a guy a while back that I fought with constantly over really stupid things and finally I broke it off because it just wasn't worth it.

I've now been with my current boyfriend for 5 years and we very rarely fight (it's always been that way with us) because we both realize that it's really not worth arguing over the small stuff....it's a complete waste of time and just adds drama that doesn't need to be there.
 
#13
I've been with my bf for seven years and in the beginning we fought SO much over the pettiest of things. It gets better, its all adjustment. You need to know what is important to the other person, you can't be pyschic and know what annoys him automatically, just as he can't know about you either. Its whether you work through it all and get over it...that is what makes it last.
 
#14
Hi guys :flowers:
Just a little update on our situation...last night he called a few times and finally when we settled down to talk he told me I've been on his mind the entire day and he was so afraid that I would want to break up with him. He also said that he realized how stupid he was and apologized, so everything's fine now! :flowers:
 
#15
there are days and times that my husband makes my blood boil

but thank G-d I do not have the cultural struggles and differences in my relationship
i personally don't think i could handle that dynamic, also in terms of having a family how do you create a balance without confusing the hell out of the kids(it was bad enough growing up with a jewish mother and a Catholic/Protestant father) not saying it can't be done. but it can be very hard for everyone involved
 
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