Do ever feel ashamed of buying expensive bags?

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verychic555

verychic555

O.G.
Dec 24, 2012
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336
#1
Hi,
This question has been bothering me lately. We all deal one way or another with a friend or family member who doesn't understand why we spend so much on bags. But do you feel sometimes that they are right? I was walking through the mall with a very close older female relative. We passed by the designer handbag section in a department store. She saw a handbag by Stella McCartney for about a thousand dollars. She said,"I can afford this but buying it is a sin with all those poor hungry people in the world". She doesn't know I own some designer handbags including a couple of Chanels. That really bothered me for some reason. I buy what I can afford when I can afford it. I don't live above my means. I don't want to say this but I try to help the poor as much as I can. I felt really bad honestly. That relative in her youth went on yearly pricey vacations. Even now she praises designer stuff. She only buys designer items (maybe not with Chanel price tag). She looks up to and talks about her friend who is "generous in her spending on clothes and buys dior and Chanel". She looks down on me honestly that sometimes I wish I could rub my expensive stuff in her face, yet I feel if I do that I am a "sinner". I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel she looks down on me yet I'm not able to really to "show" her she is not better than me. There is a long history between me and her but I really felt the need to vent...
 
#2
My dear, we all have moments of doubt and the fact that you are considering this question shows that you are sensitive and considerate person. Unless you are collecting handbags on the scale of an Imelda Marcos, I don't think you need to be beating yourself up about making the occasional luxury purchase. By your relative's logic, clothing ourselves in anything other than rags is an unjustifiable, immoral expense -- really, rags would do the job just as well as designer duds or even an outfit from the cheapest of mass retailers. And why carry a purse when a plastic bag could serve the same purpose?

I find that these kind of critical comments typically come from someone who is insecure and looks to criticize others to make herself feel better about her own choices... which really, when you come down to it, are themselves subject to the same criticism she's leveling. I'm sure to someone living in very impoverished circumstances, your relative's choices of handbags and clothing might look wildly extravagant, too.
 
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#3
Her comment about helping poor hungry people is an attempt to assert moral authority. Don't argue or prove anything to a person who feels morally superior, because it is exhausting and accomplishes nothing. Moreover, you don't owe it to her to prove a point.

People will always shame others who do not donate as much, or provide as much, or do as much, etc., but let them be them and let yourself be yourself. You can't change them.
 
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#4
No. Ignore her. You don't need to show her anything (designer items OR charitable contributions). She's clearly insecure about her own status, so letting on that she can impact how you feel only makes her more likely to continue trying.
 
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#5
So, she thinks hungry people want these handbags?
Or she plans to give away $1000 to the poor?
Or, does she plan to buy a cheaper handbag, then volunteer in a soup kitchen or delivering meals to the needy?

Maybe the greater sin is calling them, "all those poor hungry people"--
Instead of sitting together on patch of dirty concrete, handing over a sandwich & asking someone's name?
It is possible to do this, even wearing a high-end bag. ;)

No, not ashamed.
 
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#6
Do not be ashamed one iota. You feel bad because you feel you "could" donate more, but so can everyone else. Instead of buying Starbucks we "could" bring coffee then use that money. We don't need more than two pair of shoes and we "could" take the rest and donate it to charity, but that isn't what is bugging you. She is calling to question your faith based on purchases!!???!!! I have one question for her :

Who is she to judge? Tell her hmm, let's remember Matthew 7:

1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
 
#8
it's no worse than people spending more than $5 on a cup of coffee every single day when you can get coffee cheaper in other places. we all spend differently, and on different things, for different reasons. you can't live in a position of looking to please anyone but yourself. if a purchase makes you happy, and so long as you can afford it... buy what pleases you. no one can know if you donate on the side, if you had to save years for a purchase, if a bag was a gift, etc.
 
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#9
The term "expensive" is relative here. Some may find walking into a Coach boutique and purchasing any bag "expensive".
Others consider Chanel, Prada, LV expensive. Bottom line is that unless it's disclosed how do we really know what someone actually paid for a bag (or for that matter if they paid for it at all). Maybe it was a pre-loved bag that they bought at a huge discount!
Perhaps it was a gift. Maybe they saved up money for years to own their own special holy grail bag.
It's all ridiculous in the grand scheme of things that we could be worrying about.
 
#10
Hi, so sorry for anyone who've been "bag shamed" :( that's so awful.
But don't let someone else's opinion make you feel guilty for what makes you happy. :)

It's just one of those things we all have to learn to push off <3
We all buy something to make us feel good. And those who act mean are people who don't feel good about themselves I guess! LOL :)
 
#11
chetiboy said:
Hi, so sorry for anyone who've been "bag shamed" :( that's so awful.
But don't let someone else's opinion make you feel guilty for what makes you happy. :)

It's just one of those things we all have to learn to push off <3
We all buy something to make us feel good. And those who act mean are people who don't feel good about themselves I guess! LOL :)
Click to expand...

You are right. That lady doesn't know about the struggles in my life. She doesn't know that we had difficult financial times. Just because someone has something expensive doesn't mean they are spoiled. Maybe they worked hard to get it, maybe they have have other problems in their lives that you don't have.
 
#12
I feel the same way. I got an eyeful when I was at marshalls because I had a lv Eva clutch. Just love your bag. No one knows what we go through and if that's what makes you happy, go for it. For all we know they like some other rando thing
 
#13
That is one of my pet peeves. People telling others what to do with their money. If someone would rather eat beans and rice for a month in order to get a handbag, it's not my business. If you want to spend $10,000 on a luxury vacation, still not my business.

People used to question why I drive an 18 year-old car instead of getting a new one. Simple fact is I like having a car that's paid for. It's one less bill that I have to worry about. I used to spend that extra on handbags. Now, I spend it on my son's personal trainer. I even get flack for that.

Usually the ones telling others to donate are the ones not donating anything-money or time. I just don't get why some people can't stay out of other's pocketbooks.
 
#14
verychic555 said:
Hi,
This question has been bothering me lately. We all deal one way or another with a friend or family member who doesn't understand why we spend so much on bags. But do you feel sometimes that they are right? I was walking through the mall with a very close older female relative. We passed by the designer handbag section in a department store. She saw a handbag by Stella McCartney for about a thousand dollars. She said,"I can afford this but buying it is a sin with all those poor hungry people in the world". She doesn't know I own some designer handbags including a couple of Chanels. That really bothered me for some reason. I buy what I can afford when I can afford it. I don't live above my means. I don't want to say this but I try to help the poor as much as I can. I felt really bad honestly. That relative in her youth went on yearly pricey vacations. Even now she praises designer stuff. She only buys designer items (maybe not with Chanel price tag). She looks up to and talks about her friend who is "generous in her spending on clothes and buys dior and Chanel". She looks down on me honestly that sometimes I wish I could rub my expensive stuff in her face, yet I feel if I do that I am a "sinner". I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel she looks down on me yet I'm not able to really to "show" her she is not better than me. There is a long history between me and her but I really felt the need to vent...
Click to expand...

To answer your title question, no I don't feel ashamed, why should I? I work hard, I donate to charity, I volunteer regularly for charity work and I buy expensive handbags and jewellery. What's wrong with that? My question to your relative, how much she donates to charity and does volunteering work? Has she done anything to help those poor hungry people directly?
 
#15
Remember that those who elect themselves to the court of judgment of your personal spending have themselves spent plenty of money. They just did it the "right way." There's no arguing with these dingbats.

From a financial standpoint, it makes more sense to spend money on a couple of nice bags and accessories other than non-assets (vacations, movies) or consumables (starbucks, eating out) or items of no value (cheap junk). Yet, I've never heard of someone being shamed over lattes and Caribbean cruises.
 
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