Workplace CAREER or LOVE? If you HAD to choose

BlueBunny

BlueBunny

Member
Jun 12, 2006
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#1
Have any of you ladies had to choose between your dream career or staying with your BF/having a family?

If you haven't made that choice before in your life, what would you do? Would it matter if you were married? What if you were just boyfriend/girlfriend, and you weren't sure if marriage was going to happen? What factors would matter. And remember, I'm talking about DREAM career, or somthing that you've been working hard for for YEARS.

What do you think?:confused1:
 
#2
I've never had to make this choice before. I am married and have been for 15 years. We have two boys. We are college sweethearts and my husband has always respected the fact that I was going to be a career woman. However, he also knew that I also placed family at the top of my priority list. I have the best of both worlds today. I work from my home office and have the flexibility of being with my family...

To answer your question....I would NEVER give up anything for a boyfriend. I'd have to be married to make that type of choice and even then there would have to be a compromise. I think anyone who loves you would want you to be happy and not have you make such choices. When you are married you are absolutely 'one' and whatever you do truly affects the other person and also your children..if you have any.
A boyfriend on the other hand can come and go.....there is no commitment. There is no certainty that marriage will occur with a boyfriend.

Bottom line don't give up who you are for ANYONE...boyfriend or husband. A man who loves you will already love you for all that you are and want to become. He wouldn't require you to sacrifice yourself and you happiness for him.
 
#3
it all depends if i was with someone for a long time and things were great than i would probably choose love but if it was someone that i wasn't too serious with than i would choose my career...
 
#4
Leaning toward career at the moment ... but that's because my situation is a bit different ... I've given up enough for my SO, so a line has to be drawn somewhere ...

Plus, I've always been a bit of a hermit my whole life ... I kind of enjoy my alone time and independence
 
#7
one of my fav topics....

ok, I am one who 'changed' her career for love - but I totally disagree with putting it into these parameters. for me a career is something you work for, nothing else - so making my relationship work is a career in itself. also, I am sure that most here will agree with me that their life has NOT gone the way they planned it previously. so I believe in setting yourself a main goal (in my case happiness) and go for it.

so, yes I was going for a nice comfy academic career in UK - but changed it for a more 'unstable' life in another country I haven't lived before, as nothing is planned out there yet. my husband is incredibly supportive of me having a job/work career that makes me happy, and maybe if I had been stuck on staying in UK I wouldn' be married, have a baby, and go for something entirely new and interesting in my life.

my point is: it all depends on your outlook. I am not saying you shouldn't go for career over love, that IS NOT the point of my story but rather you should decide what your long-term goal is in life (I am in strategic management by the way... so you see where it comes from....) and then go for it. I saw myself sitting all lonely at 70 and decided that the way i had mapped out would not keep me warm - but that is for me. I am not saying you can't be happy otherwise, you should just think about what will make you happy and decide on that basis. and then, redefine your ideas - once I got off the whole UK academic waggon, I saw a whole new world out there, ready for me to be taken on!!! I haven't been more excited ever!!!!

Oh, and I am also a firm believer in what is meant to be: when I found my hubby (or he found me...and turned me into the swan I am ;) - haha - i knew it was right to throw it all overboard.
 
#9
oh, and I agree with not giving up who you are - only, for me my work career was not who I am but rather one way to express it. but like I said: it all depends on the way you look at it and how it feels for you - I think it is all very subjective and personal.
 
#10
easy for me: career over family. it's something to keep me sane and busy. idle hands make for devil's playground!

also.. i know money can't buy complete happiness.. but money CAN buy a very long time of temporary happiness. and many many bags. many many many bags. and clothes.

i personally like doing things by myself. traveling, dining, movies, beaches, books, hiking, going out.. etc. not to mention.. more money for myself.. cuz i dont have to spend on the other... and then the kids if they come too. good god. lol. kids are expensive.. especially these days with their sense of 'entitlement' where they think they should just have a pair of heely's just cuz they should.. or that they should have a new car at 16 just cuz. bunch of BS imo.. yes i'd be the bad cop if i were a parent. haha.
 
#11
I think if it was TRULY love, a compromise could be found.

Although I will admit that right now we are living in an area that my SO hates because I am in grad school here.

And when I said that I would take ta terminal masters and move -- HE was the one who said "oh no you won't, you want a phd, we will stay here as long as it takes."
 
#12
Is it really love if it can't survive? I'd like to think if the person really loves you, they'd be willing to go along with any changes you would have to make to get ahead in your career.

I couldn't ever love someone who would force me to choose between the him and something I'm so very passionate about. That's just not a version of love I want.
 
#13
I don't think it has to be either/or. If you are both in love with each other, you'll find a compromise. I've been with my boyfriend for about four and a half years, and you can bet I will take him into consideration when I'm done with school. We plan on getting married, and we will decide our careers together. He's already looking for a job in the area, but we've talked and the option to move if I find a job somewhere else that is equal or better is on the table. We will go where the jobs and happiness take us.

Every situation is different. You can have a career and love at the same time. There just needs to be compromise. If you're in a situation where you both find jobs in different places and neither of you want to budge... well, that's when you need to evaluate what you want in life. Hard to say until you're in that position, I guess! But if my guy said, "Absolutely not, we are staying here, deal with it" and wasn't at least open to the idea, you can bet I'd be saying, "See ya!" because it would be at least worth talking about.
 
#14
wordbox said:
Every situation is different. You can have a career and love at the same time. There just needs to be compromise. If you're in a situation where you both find jobs in different places and neither of you want to budge... well, that's when you need to evaluate what you want in life. Hard to say until you're in that position, I guess! But if my guy said, "Absolutely not, we are staying here, deal with it" and wasn't at least open to the idea, you can bet I'd be saying, "See ya!" because it would be at least worth talking about.
Click to expand...

If you want a tenure track job in a university, that is the way it is. Which is why even though I am getting a phd, I am not counting on being a professor.

There are far fewer TT jobs every year than graduates. It is actually common in academe for couples to have to live separately for years at a time until they can find jobs within a few hours of each other.
 
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