Home & Garden Cant decide where to move!

Nov 30, 2008
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Under a Palm Tree
I've been house hunting and I'm stuck on finding a house where I live now or moving an hour away to a coastal town. I haven't found a house yet, one of the reasons being I keep going back and forth between where I want to be/ where I should be. Need some opinions and WWYDs.

So, if you had a choice between living where you've always wanted to live on the water, even if that means being further away from friends, big city activities, not seeing boyfriend as much as I do now vs. living in same town now while still having all of the above but just settling for a house in town and having to travel to get to the beach or waterways for boating (which means it wouldn't happen that much!), what would you choose?

I should add as well that the coastal town move would also allow me to be closer to my aging mother.
 
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redney

Lovin' Life!
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Apr 21, 2006
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I live in an area where I and many others WANT to be vs. HAVE to be. It's been such a welcome shift in attitudes for me and others here - more relaxed, happier. There's always the opportunity to make new friends and do new activities in a new place, while still maintaining ties to friends in another place.

If you don't move to where you WANT to be, would you have regrets? My advice, don't live life with regrets.

If you move to the coast and end up not liking it as much as you thought you would, you could always move back to the town/city. You tried it, it wasn't what you thought but then you would know for sure. And if you love it - well then BINGO!

Good luck! :flowers:
 
Nov 30, 2008
3,307
145
Under a Palm Tree
I live in an area where I and many others WANT to be vs. HAVE to be. It's been such a welcome shift in attitudes for me and others here - more relaxed, happier. There's always the opportunity to make new friends and do new activities in a new place, while still maintaining ties to friends in another place.

If you don't move to where you WANT to be, would you have regrets? My advice, don't live life with regrets.

If you move to the coast and end up not liking it as much as you thought you would, you could always move back to the town/city. You tried it, it wasn't what you thought but then you would know for sure. And if you love it - well then BINGO!

Good luck! :flowers:

Thank you for your feedback, and nice to know that others have made a huge shift in a lifestyle change/ big move!

I'm not so much worried about friends as I could either make new friends as well or travel occasionally to see existing friends. I'm really more worried about my relationship with my boyfriend as we wouldn't be spending as much time together (and we really don't have a lot of time together as it is now!) combined with the city amenities being much further away. Luckily my daughter is grown and there isn't really anything keeping me from traveling when I need to the bigger cities, its just the inconvenience of doing so. No more driving 5 minutes away to a mall or restaurant, now it would be 30-60 minutes.

Still mulling it over. Really trying to wait until something leads me to where I am supposed to be when I feel the perfect house comes up for sale, but I'm also in somewhat of a rush too because house prices are rising fast in the area I want to live in, plus my house needs some upcoming work that I'd like to get out of before I have no choice but to put money into it. I also really don't want to spend another summer where I am!

Would love to still hear from others that have either made the move or decided to stay for one reason or another. At this point, I almost feel like I need someone to make the decision for me LOL ....or at least give me a good push in one way or the other.
 

redney

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Apr 21, 2006
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Thanks - just one more observation before I step out for others to chime in. I too moved from a larger city with shopping, restaurants, other amenities and now it's also a 30-60 minute drive for me to malls, big box stores, etc. I have found local restaurants in my town from casual to 5 star dining, to fill the restaurant gap. I guess ask yourself: are those things a need to have or nice to have? Guess the question is what are your tradeoffs?

What is your boyfriend's opinion?
 
Nov 30, 2008
3,307
145
Under a Palm Tree
Thanks - just one more observation before I step out for others to chime in. I too moved from a larger city with shopping, restaurants, other amenities and now it's also a 30-60 minute drive for me to malls, big box stores, etc. I have found local restaurants in my town from casual to 5 star dining, to fill the restaurant gap. I guess ask yourself: are those things a need to have or nice to have? Guess the question is what are your tradeoffs?

What is your boyfriend's opinion?
Well the location that I am looking to move to is a beach town so not a lot of fancy restaurants. It's also full of a large population of older residents. Tons of casual, waterfront type restaurants but they are more tiki bar types and while that is good for me most of the time, there are times that I also enjoy visiting the bigger malls, finer restaurants, other stores but it certainly isnt a need and I can travel to where they are. Just a big adjustment at the same time going from big city life where I have everything at my fingertips to being an hour away from all that.

As far as the boyfriend, this is probably one of the biggest concerns. He knows that I am interested in moving and says that he would visit me, but he also has a lot of his own responsibilities here with kids, a fixer upper house and a demanding job as well so I know for a fact that it wouldn't be that often. I would estimate that we would go from seeing each other everyday now to maybe 3-4 days a week if I decided to move away. There likely wouldn't be any quick "lets grab dinner or hit happy hour in an hour" type of plans like we have now since we currently only live 15min away from each other.

You did bring up a good point however about being able to move back if I ever decided I just couldn't handle it for whatever reason. Just a pain to move again but I guess its just what I would have to accept as an option or possibility if I decide to move away.
 

twin-fun

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Mar 27, 2006
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Not where I'd like to be
I live in the suburbs of a major metropolitan area and while we have some chain restaurants and cookie cutter malls within a 15-20 minute drive, I still need to go 40-50 minutes to get to anything fancier so the drive times you mention don't seem to be that extraordinary to me. What makes me take notice is what you mention about your relationship. Have you and your boyfriend discussed at all where you two are headed? What do you foresee in the future with the two of you? So he has a fixer upper and kids but that's not a permanent situation. The kids will grow up and at some point the house will be fixed. Is he undertaking this project to flip the house or is he planning on living in it for some time? Would he be willing to move to the coast with you eventually? Would you move back to town?
 

VelvetFreak

Member
Jan 30, 2017
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This is a difficult one and something that I probably didn't think hard enough about when I bought my place.

I am kind of in a "busy" part of suburbia. I have a gas station next to me and fast food places across the street. It is very convenient to be able to jump in the car and make a very quick grocery/Target trip.

On the other hand, there aren't many cafes/bar around. It is very trafficky so there is no such thing as taking an nice evening stroll to get dinner and a drink, to do that, you have to get in the car/taxi and drive "downtown". There are much nicer suburbs in my town where you can take a nice walk through the park to a restaurant and stuff like that. If I ever move, it will be to that part of town.

Edited to add: I totally forgot to answer your question directly. Are you the kind of person who values walking to places and being outdoors, just generally getting out of the house in general? If so, I think you should live in the coastal area.

If you value getting things done quickly and having convenience, then perhaps stay where you are?
 

mcb100

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Jan 8, 2007
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Nowhere out of ordinary.
I think you should assess what you are doing now (how frequently you are frequenting large department stores, restaurants) and go from there.

Then ask yourself, How often do I need to get to these things, per month, lets say?
If you mostly grocery shop and dine in, the adjustment won't be as hard for you. If you need to dine out, or are usually dining out 4 times a week, then maybe the move isn't such a good idea? Like driving an hour away four times a week.

If you shop at Target or well known stores more than once a week, ask yourself if you can do without that because you most likely will not want to make long drives a ton.

And I think it's important to ask yourself: How often do I need to see my friends & boyfriend? If you're like me, and you only have a few times, maybe you only see one friend per week (i.e. one 30 min-60 min drive) then you won't find yourself lacking socially when you move. If you are a social butterfly and enjoy frequent nights out to bars or get togethers with large groups of friends, maybe this is not such a good idea. Likely, ALL of those people are not going to travel far away to see you and you might lose some connections or have to make some friends "long distance" only.

With your boyfriend situation, that is different than friends. It is nice if he is totally supportive of the move. Would he ever want to move in with you? Not to rush things, but that's important as traveling would be a ton easier. (If he's not thinking about it for many years, at least you know you'll be traveling to see him more.) That is more of a thing you two would have to compromise on, and it will take a lot of hard work but if it works--it just works, yanno? Great. You might have to see each other more like several times a week than everyday and you will need to meet in the middle when making plans. Maybe he travels to you one week and you travel to him the next? Compromise. It will be a joint effort, because nobody likes being the only one to drive far distances to get to the other one all the time (I discussed something similar in my own relationship.). But many people live not close to each other and totally make it work, so I don't think that you should fear that at all. Just ask him a lot of questions, his feelings about it. It should be much easier to move and remain close to boyfriend than moving and remaining close to friends IMHO.

You might always regret your decision not to "go" so consider it. Several people would envy the opportunity to pick anywhere and move. Just assess your situation, explore your options and your own needs and willingness with how far you want to travel to get to things, and ask your boyfriend a lot of questions to make sure he is comfortable and ready for you to move.
 
Nov 30, 2008
3,307
145
Under a Palm Tree
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful input, it really helped me think about some other things I may not have thought about previously.

I believe I have decided (at about 80% now) to move to the coastal town because that is where my heart wants to be. I have always grown up on or around the water and I just think that it's in my soul to live on the water again. Its hard to explain, but I just have this feeling that it pulls me there when I visit and see the water and lifestyle, and it's my own insecurities or worries that makes me re-think it. I just have to remember that its not permanent so if for any reason I didn't like it there, it was too much of a hassle to travel anywhere or to see friends/ boyfriend, etc. I could always move back. But at least I know having a house there would make me happier than living where I am now.

Now to just find a house! Things are really slim picking here at the moment. Thanks again all!
 
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boxermom

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Aug 26, 2006
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North Carolina
Not sure what coast this is, but if it's in hurricane area, consider the high insurance costs.

We moved from a metro area to a slower paced area on the east coast per husband's wishes. Despite what he said before moving, he never goes to the beach and I'm stuck where there is no retail, no culture, and a climate I hate. But he's happy. If the coast makes you happy and you're ok with the other inconveniences, go for it.

P.S. If your username is a clue, you'd be in hurricane areas for sure. But FL deals with it very well.