BF good to you, bad to others. How?

M

muppy

Member
Nov 26, 2005
507
2
#1
What if your boyfriend loves you dearly and sincerely, treats you like a princess and you have a great relationship with him that you could even see yourself marrying him......and what if he is also someone who is inconsiderate, selfish and sometimes mean to others (but not to you).

Would you accept him? Can you ignore his faults? :wondering
 
#2
My ex was like that and yes, I could. I wasn't blind to it, but I accepted that I was priviledged and left it at that.
He wasn't actively mean to anyone but he sure as hell didn't go out of his way to be nice.
 
#3
I've dated boys/men like that in the past, but I've never accepted it and the relationships have never lasted.

Being a good person is about treating everyone equally and not just being good to those who you hope you can get something from in return.

That's being a psychopath! :shocked:

Also, once he doesn't want/can't get what he wants from you now, anymore, there is no guarantee that he won't start treating you the same way!!! :sad:

Ironically, I am now in a relationship with someone who started out being almost too angelic to me (and everyone else); but now seems to be good to everyone but me!

He will go out of his way to help strangers, which I love about him, but doesn't seem to think he has to make much of an effort with me, most of the time, anymore (unless he's after something if you KWIM! ;) ).

I think happiness is about finding a balance in your life and anyone who is too one way, or the other, can be hard to get along with.
 
#4
Also, once he doesn't want/can't get what he wants from you now, anymore, there is no guarantee that he won't start treating you the same way!!! :sad:

Amen sister! Muppy, are you your own person or half of him? Many women see themselves as extensions of their boyfriends or husbands so if you are behaving in a way that pleases him you will be treated like the princess you state. Also, if the relationship is new, he might still be in the "impression" or infatuation stage.

Be careful; I completely agree that once you step out of bounds or the relationship becomes too comfortable, you too will end up the victim of his wrath.
 
#5
muppy said:
What if your boyfriend loves you dearly and sincerely, treats you like a princess and you have a great relationship with him that you could even see yourself marrying him......and what if he is also someone who is inconsiderate, selfish and sometimes mean to others (but not to you).

Would you accept him? Can you ignore his faults? :wondering
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You should definitely point it out to him and see if he is able to make a change. Sometimes people aren't even aware of certain aspects of themselves and if pointed out gently and lovingly, they are surprised themselves and eager to change.

If he continues being mean to others, I personally would lose respect for him and find myself unable to remain with him. I am attracted to people who are good hearted above all, so it would be a real character flaw that I would not be able to get over. Open communication is the key. if you feel like you can't tell him what you observe, then the relationship is not the greatest to begin with, and while he may seem like "marriage material" now, you would probably end up feeling differently in the not very distant future.
 
#6
Also wanted to add, sometimes, meaness and selfishness comes from being too "guarded" and self protective. And that could be for many reasons (childhood, painful experiences etc) the key is how willing he is to open up and grow beyond those limitations rather than remain stuck in his ways.
 
#7
I dated a guy like this for over a year. He's a corporate lawyer now. You make the connection. Just kidding, ladies, don't mean to offend any lawyers out there! ;)

I really don't mind... I prefer not to date a complete ass, but some people just have very little patience or a huffy temperment. As long as he treats the people important to him well, that's what matters to me. There are some who treat strangers better than their own family. That to me is a crime!
 
#8
roey said:
Also, once he doesn't want/can't get what he wants from you now, anymore, there is no guarantee that he won't start treating you the same way!!! :sad:

Amen sister! Muppy, are you your own person or half of him? Many women see themselves as extensions of their boyfriends or husbands so if you are behaving in a way that pleases him you will be treated like the princess you state. Also, if the relationship is new, he might still be in the "impression" or infatuation stage.

Be careful; I completely agree that once you step out of bounds or the relationship becomes too comfortable, you too will end up the victim of his wrath.
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we have been together for 2 years now... I don;t think i behave in a way that please him. I don't give in to him specially and in fact, whenever we argue, he is always the one who patch things up first, sometimes making me feel bad! which is why i am so confused. I just wish he is kinder to others!
 
#9
IntlSet said:
I dated a guy like this for over a year. He's a corporate lawyer now. You make the connection. Just kidding, ladies, don't mean to offend any lawyers out there! ;) quote]

haha, ok... bf is an investment banker (no offence!) whenever i tell him to be nicer, he will be like "But i am an investment banker!". Great excuse! :smash:
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#10
roey said:
Be careful; I completely agree that once you step out of bounds or the relationship becomes too comfortable, you too will end up the victim of his wrath.
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Amen to this too!

Just see the bigger picture in how he treats people in general. Is this how he treats his own parents/siblings? Or is he generally mean, so by being nice to you, he is unloading it on others?

In general, anyone going out of their way to be nice to me would make me uncomfortable, maybe even appear insincere to me. I know someone who acts supremely nice and sweet in public all the time but I've been the unlucky recipient of her wrath when she starts getting combative!! :shocked: It's like all of a sudden, it's Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde!

I'd rather know someone more even-keeled who understands their own feelings and behaviours than acting only one extreme because they think that is the only way to keep friends or lovers, because no one can put up a "front" forever. Unless they are a sociopath and can manipulate it good!
 
#11
well, I won;t say he is that bad a person, he doesn't back stab pple or hurt others intentionally... he is just.. insenstive to others... like, say we have the grocery guy to delivery stuff, he will make the guy walk all the way up to the 3rd floor without helping, while i will try to help a little... he doesn;t give to charity or do voluntary work...he won;t give up his seat on the bus even to an elderly person... he would still let his mum do all the ironing even at this age without feeling guilty... just things like that... am i asking for too much? maybe i am expecting an angel... :sad:
 
#12
muppy said:
well, I won;t say he is that bad a person, he doesn't back stab pple or hurt others intentionally... he is just.. insenstive to others... like, say we have the grocery guy to delivery stuff, he will make the guy walk all the way up to the 3rd floor without helping, while i will try to help a little... he doesn;t give to charity or do voluntary work...he won;t give up his seat on the bus even to an elderly person... he would still let his mum do all the ironing even at this age without feeling guilty... just things like that... am i asking for too much? maybe i am expecting an angel... :sad:
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Well, those are things that say that someone is compassionate, which is important. My BF is a great person, but he used to be somewhat guarded and would say snippy things to people who he felt were being rude (or in his words "an ass") and it would make me completely uncomfortable, but we talked about it and he understood where I was coming from and after a while he started being more generous to people's motives and giving them the benefit of the doubt more (and he's naturally *extremely generous" but the guardedness was a front he had put on for various reasons). And he's definitely helped me see lots of my different "issues".

Of course, no one wants a namby pamby fakely sweet person who's not being real. But there is definitely a balance, and no muppy, I definitely don't think you're asking too much. But do you feel like you can talk to him about these things? Great communication is so important,
 
#13
roey said:
Also, once he doesn't want/can't get what he wants from you now, anymore, there is no guarantee that he won't start treating you the same way!!! :sad:

Amen sister! Muppy, are you your own person or half of him? Many women see themselves as extensions of their boyfriends or husbands so if you are behaving in a way that pleases him you will be treated like the princess you state. Also, if the relationship is new, he might still be in the "impression" or infatuation stage.

Be careful; I completely agree that once you step out of bounds or the relationship becomes too comfortable, you too will end up the victim of his wrath.
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Ditto!...I've seen a couple of relationships go REALLY BAD because of this reason.
 
#14
My husband is fine with me, but can be very aggressive with other males. He loves to watch fights on Spike TV-not the wrestling Thank God. In fact he is watching it right now. However, boxing is a very popular sport in his hometown of El Paso, TX.
He can get road rage, but he never really does anything except get mad. I heard he was in a few fights in high school, back in the day. I say it is just testosterone.
 
#15
my bf is more understanding of me than his own family.. i always remind him that in the future, we may have to socialize further with his family so it doens't hurt to be nicer.. for example, for mother's day, i offered to send flowers n the likes to his mother, he said "Hell No."
 
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