Anyone ever fell for someone not attractive?Advice needed

ver1982

ver1982

Member
Sep 21, 2006
719
1
#1
Well, I should say I'm pretty confused about my feelings. We have a new lawyer in our office, and he's like totally not my taste, I'd say he really unattractive. He wears terrible clothes, thick glasses etc, some sort of geek, you know. I always hated such type of gyus, but It seems like I'm falling for him. I mean, he's smart, very funny, professional, and it's seen that he likes me a lot, so he gives me compliments, makes me tea, sms me often with or without reason etc. What whould you do? I mean, I like him a lot, but I'll be ashamed to be seen with him in public! (sounds awful and *****y, I know). So, I'm totally confused and ashamed of myself at the same time. He invited me today for coffee and I refused, so I think he was hurt by that and I feel very bad now.
 
#2
If you ever watched Sex and the City you will remeber the episode where Charlotte started dating Harry...she said to the girls "hes hairy, fat and unnatractive...not my type at all and I dont want to be seen in public with him"...

anway, I think you need to give him a chance afterall
Beauty is only skin deep
;)
 
#3
Wow. Please don't let his looks get in the way of your feelings... for several reasons. Firstly, I have always found that someone with a wonderful personality but less-than-perfect looks ALWAYS becomes MORE attractive as you get to know them. (men and women, btw)
Second - the fact that he's not beautiful may have scared away some shallow women from discovering this diamond in the rough.
And last, If you develop a relationship with this guy - you could feasibly give him a makeover and find that he's actually a total buck?! How fun would THAT be??

I say: DEFINITELY don't give up. Take some time to get to know him. He might be the frog who is actually a prince.
 
#4
why are you ashamed to be seen with him in public? because of his looks?! does it really bother you that much?

if you really like him, you should be able to get over that. or, at least you should try. i say give him a chance and go out for coffee.
 
#5
when i first met my husband, he had on a star trek shirt with holes in it, ugly jeans, bushy mustache and an afro. He was NOT my type at all but he was the nicest guy I've ever met so I though, why not. I slowly just suggested that maybe ceratin types of clothing would look better on him and told him I want to see him without a mustache and shorter hair and Voila! a hottie underneath all that hair... hope you give him a chance, appearances can be changed easily but a man with a really good personality is hard to find!
 
#6
I'm almost never attracted to (conventionally) attractive people, because they're often not very interesting, or shallow like you (so they wouldn't like me either). :smile:

My now-husband was overweight, with ugly glasses and terrible clothes, and fairly bad skin when we met. Since then he's lost 50 pounds, got new glasses and I've dressed him properly, and his skin is way better. I always was attracted to him, but he's definitely more conventionally hot now.
 
#7
OK, a long long time ago I dated a guy who was, well, short. Like maybe 5'6". It totally bothered me, so maybe I am shallow, but it made me feel like I was with a little kid. I knew it would always be an issue so I stopped dating him. My point is, if it really bothers you and you don't want to be seen in public perhaps you should take that into consideration cause you don't want to get involved and then end up breaking up months into it. KWIM?
 
#9
i've dated all kinds of guys, from the quite attractive to the not-so-attractive. the not-so-attractive ones got better with time - a lot of guys, just like girls, dress a little bit frumpy because of a combination of low self-esteem and lack of clothing knowledge. having someone that cares about them, as you seem to, in his life would probably give him a self esteem boost and could lead to him taking better care of himself. once he trusts you, it would be easy to give him positive suggestions about his appearance.

or, if he's happy like he is, be glad you've found someone secure and satisfied with themselves. that can be worth it's weight in gold.
 
#10
Absolutely! My exboyfriend definitely was not a hottie, but I loved him for the person he was rather than for what he looked like and we had nearly 3 great years together :smile:

Give him a chance! He could turn out to be a really nice guy, and maybe wiht a little bit of nudging you could "adjust" his wardrobe!
 
#11
yep, such a cliche, but its the heart that should be beautiful, good looks are just a bonus lol

long term, good looks fade, but a sense of humour and a lovely nature, they stick around for good :biggrin:
 
#12
I always dated nerds...tall, pale, pasty, thin, poorly dressed nerds. They were always the sweetest and hands down the most loving and polite, well-mannered men :yes: My nerdy SO is pretty hot, but guys in the past have always been unconventionally...unique, in terms of looks!

Plus keep in mind, many of the nerdy guys I've dated have asked me to help them redo their look (I say this in relation to what Amanda said), and most of them took to taking better care of themselves and re-shaping their wardrobes (one went from Jncos, straight from the 90's, to Diesals and form fitting 7 shirts...he looks GREAT now!)

Buuut.... I do have a tall, thin, pale boney-nerd man fetish...:biggrin:
 
#15
Oh boy...well one thing I can tell you is that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder...Do you hear any 80 yr old couples saying "I stayed with my spouse bc they were HOT?" ... no...no!! :rolleyes: :lol: Love is so much more than just looks, status, or what others think. I say give this guy a chance...he sounds like the rare combination of funny, thoughtful and professional. Good luck and I hope it works out for you!!! :heart: heart:
 
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