Angry ring rant-need advice/rational words

[queen]

My fiance is actually a very amazing, loving guy. He's allowed me to make almost every single decision when it comes to our wedding and reception, even our honeymoon. I wanted Europe, so he surprised me by booking flights to Dublin, London, Paris, and Brussells. He's atheist, but he's fine with having a spiritual ceremony performed by a reverend, b/c he knows it's important to me and my family. He knew how I felt about my future engagement ring, so he he spent months creating the perfect ring for me, going so far as to hunt down a blue diamond in an asscher cut.

He's certainly put his fair share of input in, but he knows that this wedding is supposed to be the greatest day of my life, and as such he's been very supportive of what I want.

However, the ring issue still bothers me. I know that he feels $2,000 is a bit much for a ring now, considering we're paying for a wedding and a honeymoon, but when it comes down to it, the money isn't REALLy an issue, especially after the wedding. I know he'll get me the ring I want after the wedding-I just don't see the point in purchasing a platinum band when there are other, much cheaper alternatives to something so temporary, you know?

Thanks for the advice, ladies!

hi! your guy sounds great. i hope that you will take what i say well as i mean it to me helpful not critical. i do not think i know everything this is just my thought.

today weddings have been turned into rather large productions. nothing wrong with that if it is what you want and you can afford it. there are many out there that are wanting the huge production and everything that goes with it but can't afford it (i am not referring to you). wedding are like everything else we can't always have it all now and have to wait until we can. remember that it is the marriage and your love that are the most important. the wedding is just one day in the marriage. i guess what i am saying is your guy has tried to give you everything you want but feels this expense is just too much right now. i would let him have his way on this and try to suck it up and wear the band until he upgrades. i have a great guy myself and have pushed too hard a time or two and i now regret it as i know love requires compromise if both are to be happy. good luck to you and your guy!

 

[2manybags]

I totally agree with Swanky. Great advice!

let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year

 

[A-T-G]

Weddings are tough! My DH and I were clear about a total budget for the wedding and this included rings. He had major idea on what he wanted for his wedding (hey, it's their day too! and we had to both compromise on things. He wanted a much fancier wedding that I did. He wanted to buy his tux, and have a really formal dinner. I wanted a kick-butt photographer and my ring to come from Tiffany's. I also wanted to make sure our guests had a great time at the reception (the wedding was ours, the reception was a thank you to all our friends and family). So, we had to compromise on some stuff. I cut the flower budget (we used more greens and seasonal flowers and my florist ROCKED), we didn't video the wedding, and I brought a much cheaper dress. I was only wearing it once and as long as people went "Oh!" it didn't matter how much it was. In exchange for giving up on some stuff, I got the rings I wanted. I actually dragged my DH to Tiffany's to look at rings (I had gone the day before to pick out what I wanted) and he agreed with my decision. He said "you have to wear it every day, so you'd better love it!. I do!

It sounds like your DF is thinking short term and not long really long term. If you guys get a ring neither of you like, and you replace it later...you're wasting funds. If you find a way to snip something out of your budget, you can use it to get the ring you know you want. I'm with you on no upgrading! These are the rings I'm wearing! I'm not changing 'em for nothing. (of course, he can add to my ring collection, LOL!)

Stay calm, don't get flustered, and try to find another way to get the important stuff for your wedding. The stuff that lasts, not the ephemera that surrounds the day. Flowers die, favors thrown away, the dress gets put in a box...those rings go on every day, all day. Good luck!

 

[DearBuddha]

Thanks for the advice, ladies! You've been dolls, and have actually helped me understand that a ring, no matter how beautiful, is just a ring, and it can always be changed. Really, as long as I end my day as a mrs. instead of a ms., I'll be happier than I could imagine

 

[elizat]

Great advice from Swanky. I like the idea of doing white gold. Is the band you found in silver set w/ CZ (I assume so, b/c it is from emitations.com). What about looking at QVC's bands- they have some designed by Tacori that are platinum over silver and are really pretty and less than $175 too.

 

[floridagal23]

I agree with Swanky - the ring doesn't "make" the marriage. You can always get another! Don't everrr say no to an upgrade (wise words from my mom, who does not get attached to diamonds and loves getting new rings)

 

[couturequeen]

let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year

Couldn't agree more. Although this is your dream band, maybe this is the thing you have to compromise on for the wedding. Believe me I understand how difficult it is to find one a band that works - I didn't want to include it in our wedding budget because it was so much more than I anticipated! The wedding is such an expensive thing on its own and you'll get your perfect ring in the future. I wouldn't waste $700 on a ring you don't want. Get the CZ or forgo the band until your anniversary.

 

[Missrocks]

My FI and I just got back from vacation in Maui and realized our wedding was going to be a lot more expensive than we expected. So to keep us in the budget, I just told him I don't need to get my wedding band- the one I wanted was around 5k. I know I could have settled for something less, but I wouldn't be in love with it....And I know how that "promise" for an upgrade can be so easily forgotten in the male brain. If I don't have a wedding band, that empty space on my hand will be a constant reminder to him of his promise when the one year anniversary rolls around.
Just wanted to share my plan

 

[sputnik]

i'm late to the thread but i agree with swanky. no offence, but you were sounding a little spoiled in your original post. a 'perfect' wedding isn't just about material things and getting everything you want. focus on the marriage, not the wedding, which after all is just a terribly expensive party and will be over before you know it.

also, and this is just my personal opinion, but i've seen your ring and i love it, and i think it would actually look better with a plain band than with a curved one.

 

[dolllover]

Well said sputnik.

 

[claudette2]

I agree with you. I had the same discussion over my engagement ring. I voiced my opinion really clearly (i.e. found the dream ring, we discussed the higher price, said I didn't want to upgrade and would rather wear only a band if his plan was to upgade later). Then I shut my mouth, tried to forget about the ring, and I have no idea what the status is. So perhaps that makes me spoiled too, but I think of it as being financially responsible.

These things are expensive regardless, so you might as well love what you end up with. Otherwise the "good deal" will feel like a waste of money once its on your finger and you will always think of the other one anyhow. Then, once you "upgrade" the old band will turn into a pile of money that just sits in your jewelry box.

My suggestion is you to take over buying the wedding bands (yours and his) especially if he purchased your e-ring.

Good luck!

 

[illinirdhd]

Isn't the price of platinum pretty high right now too? I would think a plain platinum band would have a decent trade-in value if you decide to hold off on your dream ring for a year (especially if you buy the plain band from the same place where you will buy the next ring).

DH and I didn't want to upgrade our rings later either (engagement diamond, yes, but I wanted my wedding band to be permanent). We found our solution when the jeweler offered us 12 months with no interest on both rings. And then we paid them off with the wedding money. Funny thing is that they keep offering us more credit since we paid the rings off within about 60 days.

 

[shells]

i'm also one of those people who said i never wanted an upgrade (and DH says it too - mostly cuz he tried so hard to save $$ for me!) are u sure u can't recreate a similar ring elsewhere? it sounds kind of pricey to me, though i have a few jewelry exchanges near me that will do just about anything for a much lower cost than most jewelers. i bought a 1.2ctw, platinum, channel set eternity band with princess cut diamonds (VS, G) for approx $1200 and it appraised for about 300%. have u tried another jeweler? right before our wedding, DH and i were truly strapped for cash, but we bought our wedding bands almost immediately after setting the date. it can be a lot to take in the cost of a wedding, but u said it's not a huge stretch for u and ur fiance said u can upgrade later. are u sure there aren't any other issues at stake? why the wait? if u are going to go for the plain band for the meantime, i say go with gold or something else cheaper so that u don't waste the $ on something u won't wear in the future.

 

[Crystalina]

With your attitude, Dear Buddha, you're only going to be wearing that $750 ring for a few years. This marriage won't last long.

Poor guy.

 

[DearBuddha]

With your attitude, Dear Buddha, you're only going to be wearing that $750 ring for a few years. This marriage won't last long.

Poor guy.

Actually, Crytallina, I've been with my fiance for over eight years. We're still just as in love now as we were then, and I don't see that changing. So I guess I'm not overly concerned with your expectations regarding the longevity of my marriage.
But thanks for the input anyway.