Angry ring rant-need advice/rational words

DearBuddha

Member
Feb 22, 2008
458
9
Hi ladies,
I posted about a week ago in regards to the wedding band I've fallen head over heels in love with.
Here is the link to that thread: http://forum.purseblog.com/the-jewelry-box/wedding-band-question-282782.html

I need some advice and helpful words, b/c I'm torn between being angry at my fiance, and feeling like a spoiled little brat. Basically, we've spent the past month or so trying to pick out our wedding bands. From the get go I've stated that I want to be in love with my rings, b/c upgrading them is pointless to me and I don't want to ever do it.

About two weeks ago, we stopped into the Robbin's brothers store here in San Diego, and I feel helplessly in love with a particular ring. It's in the link above, but in description, it's a platinum curved band with four round cut stones and three asscher stones in a channel setting. My e-ring is a fancy blue asscher, so the tiny asschers in the band killed me, and I flipped for the ring. Unfortunately, the price also killed me, b/c it was $4,000! I guess I should have expected it, considering it's almost a 1.5 ct worth of diamonds and platinum.

I knew it was way out of our budget, but I hadn't been that excited over anything, including my wedding dress, so my fiance suggested approaching our jeweler and seeing if he could build something similar, cheaper. I did, but it would have been equally expensive, so it was a no go. So while I was upset at losing the ring as an option, I decided it was probably for the better and explored my options.

The next night, my fiance came home so excited to tell me that he had been in touch with the SA at Robbin's brothers, and the ring was available in palladium, for half the cost! I told him I was sold, but a week later, and still no indication from my fiance that he was ready to order my ring. I decided to feel him out and see what the deal was, so I suggested looking at plain bands as another option. All of a sudden, he goes, "Awesome. That's a really cool concession. We'll just upgrade your ring next year!"

Hello? Haven't I said I don't want to upgrade from the beginning?!

I humored him, and we looked at plain bands this weekend. He's basically ordered me a 2mm platinum band, priced at $750. I HATE IT. I'm not a plain band girl. Anyone looking in my jewelry box will tell you that, and he knows it as well. He knew I wasn't excited by anything we looked at.

While home this evening, I looked on emitations.com, and found a simple silver band with channel set asschers for $175. I showed it to him as an option, and he looks at me and crinkles his nose, saying, "why compromise on your wedding ring? We'll just get you a plain band now and upgrade later. Why waste the money?"

*Aren't we wasting money on a band I already know I'll never wear? At least this ring is more my taste, and a quarter of the price!

What kills me is that he totally got my hopes up by researching the band I loved. He found it for half the price we were originally quoted, told me about it, and insinuated that he'd order it. Then, he pulls the rug out from under me by declaring plain is the way to go. He picked out the band he wanted and I got it for him. The cost of my ring is an slight inconvenience, not a major impossibility, so the price isn't a good excuse.

I feel bratty and spoiled for being this upset over a ring, but considering that it's the only ring I'll wear everyday for the rest of my life, I feel I shouldn't have to compromise, especially with something I already resent.

Sorry this rant is so long and disjointed, but I'm furious/ashamed at my reaction, and I need some words of encouragement or rationalization. Help?:confused1:
 

smalls

O.G.
Mar 15, 2007
2,173
149
I don't blame you for being upset. If you get a band that you are truely unhappy with you are going to resent wearing it and are going to be stuck looking at it every day. I orignally hated (yes hated) my e-ring. I sulked on the inside and didn't tell my fiance. I would look at it everyday and be miserable. It was beautiful, but just wasn't my style at all. It started to eat me up inside. Finally we talked about it and when he realized how unhappy I was he said that we can get whatever I like and that he just wanted me to be happy. I am so glad that we decided to do that otherwise I would probably be still hating it and bitter. I am the one wearing it so I wanted it to reflect my tastes and who I am.

I think $750 is a lot of money for something that you 1) do not like and 2) just plan on upgrading next year. If the one you really want is out of the price range right now, I think the $175 one is a much better option. Then that is all the more reason to upgrade next year. Also you can just wear the less expensive band if you go to the gym, or travel somewhere that you don't want to wear you expensive stuff so it won't go to waste.
 

Littlesharon

Member
Feb 14, 2007
461
1
I think its reasonable that you have an equal say!!!! It is ludicrous to spend $750 on something that you will never wear. That ends up being the most expensive option so far!!! Surely you have equal rights to choose, and it is not up to his final (random) say. I would move away from `upset` and go straight into `action`. Good luck.
 

tokyogirl

Keanu!
O.G.
Jan 22, 2006
3,422
7
Agree -- should go for the $175 option or insist on the ring that you want. I don't think you are being bratty or spoiled. I made a similar mistake.

My DH (then fiancee) bought a plain, platinum wedding band when what I REALLY wanted was a wedding band encrusted with diamonds. However, since my DH bought me a very nice engagement ring, I decided I wasn't going to push him on the wedding band

Several years later, I no longer wear my wedding band and it is just sitting in my jewelry box; I just wear my engagement ring alone. Now looking back, I should insisted on the wedding band that I wanted.


I agree that you would be throwing away $750 if you know you are not going to wear it. You are better off getting the $175 alternative if it is just not possible to get the $4K ring that you want. I suspect that your fiancee was hurt when you suggested the $175 alternative; however, I suspect that he will also be hurt if buys you a $750 ring and you don't end up wearing it. Better to be upfront about it now, I think.

Good luck!!!!
 
Last edited:

pmptrading

Member
Apr 17, 2008
44
0
Hello,
Sorry to be negative.... but.... is this really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? He sounds like a complete clueless jerk...... SORRY but.... what can I say.....

Any man who thinks a ring is not important has no idea.... we girls love our rings and sparklies.....

If anything,.... compromise on other stuff... like his tuxedo..... or the restaurant BUT NEVER EVER COMPROMISE OF THE RING OR THE E-RING EITHER......

Sorry for being so harsh.... but it is how I feel.
 

barcreperie

Member
Aug 20, 2006
1,658
2
My suggestion is to sit down with your fiancee and explain again that you want the platinum/diamond wedding band, and it's not something that you want to trade or substitute something else for later on. It sounds like you want the band you put on at your wedding to be the band you wear for life. You should get what you want now. To spend $750 on something you'll wear for a year is poor money management in my opinion. You said the money is not a hardship for the ring you want, so that's what you should get.
 

DearBuddha

Member
Feb 22, 2008
458
9
Hello,
Sorry to be negative.... but.... is this really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? He sounds like a complete clueless jerk...... SORRY but.... what can I say.....

Any man who thinks a ring is not important has no idea.... we girls love our rings and sparklies.....

If anything,.... compromise on other stuff... like his tuxedo..... or the restaurant BUT NEVER EVER COMPROMISE OF THE RING OR THE E-RING EITHER......

Sorry for being so harsh.... but it is how I feel.


My fiance is actually a very amazing, loving guy. He's allowed me to make almost every single decision when it comes to our wedding and reception, even our honeymoon. I wanted Europe, so he surprised me by booking flights to Dublin, London, Paris, and Brussells. He's atheist, but he's fine with having a spiritual ceremony performed by a reverend, b/c he knows it's important to me and my family. He knew how I felt about my future engagement ring, so he he spent months creating the perfect ring for me, going so far as to hunt down a blue diamond in an asscher cut.

He's certainly put his fair share of input in, but he knows that this wedding is supposed to be the greatest day of my life, and as such he's been very supportive of what I want.

However, the ring issue still bothers me. I know that he feels $2,000 is a bit much for a ring now, considering we're paying for a wedding and a honeymoon, but when it comes down to it, the money isn't REALLy an issue, especially after the wedding. I know he'll get me the ring I want after the wedding-I just don't see the point in purchasing a platinum band when there are other, much cheaper alternatives to something so temporary, you know?

Thanks for the advice, ladies!
 

Swanky

Admin
Admin
O.G.
Jan 12, 2006
88,310
18,080
let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy :flowers:

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year:yes:
 

Littlesharon

Member
Feb 14, 2007
461
1
let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy :flowers:

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year:yes:

Perfect advice!!!!:tup:
 

guccimamma

guccimamma
Aug 8, 2006
9,447
1,853
i think this is a pretty common situation, men buy the perfect engagement ring..but the wedding ring comes second.

honestly, i never even had a wedding ring...my husband got me an engagement ring, and i couldn't find anything that looked good with it..so i just got married with my engagement ring.

your fiance sounds like a wonderful guy, i'd let him buy the ring for an anniversary gift...believe me, once the hype of the wedding is over..and the 1st year of marriage is underway, it will be fun to have something to look forward to. you may even change your mind on the setting or style by then, when you aren't so "under the gun" to get the ring.

Swanky gives the best advice.

Congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming wedding. Don't let the details get in the way of what is important, you are marrying the man of your dreams...and starting a life together!
 

LeeMiller

O.G.
Jun 29, 2007
5,998
117
let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy :flowers:

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year:yes:

I agree. Its not a big deal to get a diamond band as a present later. He's willing to do it, just not now. Actually, I'm thinking of getting a diamond and plain band, so that I can wear the plain one when we travel as my only ring.
 

elle tee

Member
Dec 6, 2006
3,728
6
let's look at the big picture. . .
he's completely willing to get you the setting/band you love right? Just can't swing it right NOW. Why look at it as an upgrade? Why not look at it like your 1st anniversary gift from him?
The whole event is very stressful and everyone gets emotional and it's VERY expensive between the rings, wedding, reception, attire, honeymoon, etc. . . . .
focus on those events, not the minute detail of one band that he's addmitted to be willing to change to make you happy :flowers:

Don't get the platinum band, get it in white gold instead, svae that $ since you know it's temporary, let the sweet guy gift you what you really want next year:yes:

Great advice! :tup:
 

ronsdiva

NE Born OH Bred
O.G.
Jul 6, 2007
8,665
1
I would concur that you sit down with him and let him know you don't like the band he ordered and you won't wear it. If you are willing to get the $175 one until you can upgrade to the ring you really want, then that makes since and at least you will have a wedding band that you will wear.

IMHO, the wedding band is the most important of the rings. I know alot of women who don't wear their e-rings any more, especially after having children, but they wear their wedding band.

I did not like my e-ring which was a solitaire as it was too small- .25 ct. (Long story). I kept looking to upgrade and told my husband at one point that I really wanted to upgrade it as the wedding band was the most important to me and we did. It was his present to me for our second Christmas as a married couple.
 
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