Workplace Advice plz : My lack of confidence is ruining my career !!

mellecyn

mellecyn

O.G.
Feb 28, 2006
7,330
2,635
#1
Some days ago I had a meeting with my manager and she said that I have some great potential that I am not using, I am not self confident enough, I should be more pro active, more "go grab it" on tasks. He is nice and open and would like to help me.....but how ? Also if I don't change, no pay raise, and I will be stuck in the same seat forever....
Also I have to think about my ambitions within the company and come with a plan (which goal, how to reach it), the problem is I have always suffered of lack of self esteem -the way I was raised, always put down by parents- but this past year has been worst, so I don't feel I have any motivation or ambitions !!! I ve been seing a psychologist but I don't feel I am getting anywhere.
I'm waisting myself and my career, I graduated top of the year, had great plans, dreams. I am intelligent and good looking, (former students admire and envy me) my friends tell me that, but still I put my own barriers.....I would like to venture outside that company 1 day but I can't even imagine facing the application process in a competitive field....:sad:
This is a big piece sorry, I asked to my manager to ask to HR if there is a "self development" or "coaching" program possibilities within the company, bc I honestly don't know what else to do to change ?? what do you think ?
Thanks for reading me !:shame:
 
#2
Is it okay if I ask you what you do for work?

I think visiting a Therapist is a good step to getting over potential self esteem issues that you may have, but if you feel that your current Therapist isn't doing the job - don't hesitate to switch to another!

I used to work in a school in their afterschool program and I also had self esteem & confidence issues. I had issues with yelling to get everyone's attention and disciplining the kids. I took a class on how to better my self confidence, and it made the world of difference!

Maybe sit down one day and write down things that you would like to change and do better. Once you have that list, look online for activities or methods that may help you develope the qualities that you already have further :smile:
 
#4
I'm not sure if there are people like this where you live, but here in the US (and where I am in California) we have "coaches." This is in addition to therapists. They are trained specifically to work with you in your career.

I noticed that you mentioned a low self-esteem problem due to your parents always putting you down. Do you still live with them or are you on your own? You may want to limit contact with them while you are trying to build up your self esteem. Also, remind yourself that you are no longer a child, and although your parents weren't kind when you were growing up, you do not need to subject yourself to their past comments. This is something that your therapist can help you with.

It sounds like your boss really wants to help you. You are very lucky! Maybe he can sit down with you and map out where you can go in your career with very specific goals, timelines and so on.

Good luck and hang in there!
 
#5
If you don't own a house, buy one. This will motivate you to work hard(er) so you won't lose it. Or buy a new car.

That way you will feel rewarded from the work you do, and what more you will get if you try a bit harder.
 
#8
Your boss actually is trying to coach you by telling you what they have noticed. The idea to sit down and map out a plan, as someone suggested, is a good one, and you can try formal coaching from there.
 
#9
I'm sort of in the same position. It's hard "growing balls" when you were raised being put down most of your childhood. It's hard to break the cycle.

I'm also a designer. I'm also sort of shy... and it takes me time to get up the courage to do anything like stand up to people.. or my boss... or defend my designs... or even stand behind them.

The truth is, you're in a cut-throat business... it's not going to get easier just for you... so you have to take control and be aggressive.

I wish you the best of luck!! And just remember that you're talented... and you can do anything that they throw at you.
 
#10
A mentor could be helpful for both career and confidence-building feedback on your efforts.

I have found mentors by asking at my college alumnae association. Young women have found me the same way. You might try that resource. Just ask for a directory of women who are working in your field.

Then send out a few hand-written notes asking for an informational interview. If you meet someone that way and the two of you enjoy each other, then you can ask if for some occasional mentoring. (Since everyone uses email, hand-written notes really stand out.)

Women are often flattered and happy to help one another.

Good luck!
 
#11
lamiastella said:
Is it okay if I ask you what you do for work?

I think visiting a Therapist is a good step to getting over potential self esteem issues that you may have, but if you feel that your current Therapist isn't doing the job - don't hesitate to switch to another!

I used to work in a school in their afterschool program and I also had self esteem & confidence issues. I had issues with yelling to get everyone's attention and disciplining the kids. I took a class on how to better my self confidence, and it made the world of difference!

Maybe sit down one day and write down things that you would like to change and do better. Once you have that list, look online for activities or methods that may help you develope the qualities that you already have further :smile:
Click to expand...

That's a really good idea. After you've made a list of what you want to change/do better make another and write how can achieve it.
I'm not very confident myself and I'm always thinking of reasons why I can't do something. I read a book called "The magic of thinking big" which suggested making lists of what you want to do and write why you can do it instead of why you can't. It's a small thing to do but it really helps.
 
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