2025 Resolution: Shopping my own Bag and SLG Collection

[papertiger]

Do wet want some new challenges in August?

How about wearing one non-black neutral per week (whatever is a neutral for you)

 

[Sparkletastic]

Grey bag week

View attachment 6148749

My only grey bag is the Miss Dior.

 

[Bag peace]

Thank you everyone for your support, and apologies if I don’t reply individually.

This morning I went out with my girlfriend , who was very supportive.
I came back to an email from my sister, thanking me for her birthday presents.

My Mum is now receiving palliative care.
She is not on a drip.Shes just eating soup, yogurt, custard etc.My Dad wants her at home and is paying an army of carers to keep her comfortable.

It’s just a matter of time.

I’m drinking Milk of Magnesia after each meal for my stressed, somersaulting stomach.I do not know how to get through the next few weeks/months…days.

The day out I had booked with my girlfriend in April to break my clothes shopping ban(which she is blissfully unaware of) is being brought forward, although may yet be cancelled if my Mum doesn’t survive that long-I just need a day out, away from stress, hospitals and everything to give the resources to face the nightmares I have to face.

I don’t yet have a date for the hysteroscopy but that will arrive this week on top of everything..

Please just keep taking each moment as it comes. You are showering her with love and I'm sure that's easing her at this time.

 

[Bag peace]

Please don't beat yourself up for dreaming and wanting something nice. You are such a thoughtful and responsible person. You always give, you always care for others. I don't see any reason to feel guilty or unworthy ( where do these doubts re self worth even come from? What taught so many of us to question our self- worth?). In contrary! I feel you deserve everything that makes you happy, recharges your batteries. Maybe, If we all manifest it, one of the bags you loved so much will find it's way to you via the preloved market. That would be so nice.

Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world to me.
I know that was a rhetorical question but I actually know where my issues stem from: the abusive ex who drilled into me that I'm not worth the air I breathe, let alone nice things. It's been years since he was in my life but, somehow his words are only growing stronger and I'm filled with self-loathing.
I believe it's quite common for people who struggle with a sense of self-worth to have had someone in their life put them down repeatedly until it becomes part of their conditioning; a parent, sibling, partner, boss...
It sucks.

It would be lovely to stumble upon these bags on the preloved market at some point. If not, at least I got to hold them and appreciate their beauty once.

 

[dcooney4]

Thank you everyone for your support, and apologies if I don’t reply individually.

This morning I went out with my girlfriend , who was very supportive.
I came back to an email from my sister, thanking me for her birthday presents.

My Mum is now receiving palliative care.
She is not on a drip.Shes just eating soup, yogurt, custard etc.My Dad wants her at home and is paying an army of carers to keep her comfortable.

It’s just a matter of time.

I’m drinking Milk of Magnesia after each meal for my stressed, somersaulting stomach.I do not know how to get through the next few weeks/months…days.

The day out I had booked with my girlfriend in April to break my clothes shopping ban(which she is blissfully unaware of) is being brought forward, although may yet be cancelled if my Mum doesn’t survive that long-I just need a day out, away from stress, hospitals and everything to give the resources to face the nightmares I have to face.

I don’t yet have a date for the hysteroscopy but that will arrive this week on top of everything..

Enjoy a day out away from the stress. Hugs!

 

[dcooney4]

Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world to me.
I know that was a rhetorical question but I actually know where my issues stem from: the abusive ex who drilled into me that I'm not worth the air I breathe, let alone nice things. It's been years since he was in my life but, somehow his words are only growing stronger and I'm filled with self-loathing.
I believe it's quite common for people who struggle with a sense of self-worth to have had someone in their life put them down repeatedly until it becomes part of their conditioning; a parent, sibling, partner, boss...
It sucks.

It would be lovely to stumble upon these bags on the preloved market at some point. If not, at least I got to hold them and appreciate their beauty once.

You are a lot more than you give yourself credit for. I obviously can't write like you or make bags or any of the other thoughtful things you do. We are all different and deserving. Someone recently said to find something positive in each day. It is not always easy, but it helps. I thought at first it sounded hokey to do it, but it does help.

 

[cowgirlsboots]

Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world to me.
I know that was a rhetorical question but I actually know where my issues stem from: the abusive ex who drilled into me that I'm not worth the air I breathe, let alone nice things. It's been years since he was in my life but, somehow his words are only growing stronger and I'm filled with self-loathing.
I believe it's quite common for people who struggle with a sense of self-worth to have had someone in their life put them down repeatedly until it becomes part of their conditioning; a parent, sibling, partner, boss...
It sucks.

It would be lovely to stumble upon these bags on the preloved market at some point. If not, at least I got to hold them and appreciate their beauty once.

The conditioning is real. I feel for you and fully understand. My epiphany and break-up are still feeling very fresh and far too often I reduce myself to a sobbing mess. My heart goes out to you!

 

[cowgirlsboots]

Please just keep taking each moment as it comes. You are showering her with love and I'm sure that's easing her at this time.

I fully agree.

 

[cowgirlsboots]

You are a lot more than you give yourself credit for. I obviously can't write like you or make bags or any of the other thoughtful things you do. We are all different and deserving. Someone recently said to find something positive in each day. It is not always easy, but it helps. I thought at first it sounded hokey to do it, but it does help.

It does! The seemingly smallest positive thing bears so much power once we are open to perceive it.

Sharing my spark of positivity here:

DD gave this plant to me a year ago It has been looking pretty dead for a while, but there's a new blossom!

 

[dcooney4]

It does! The seemingly smallest positive thing bears so much power once we are open to perceive it.

Sharing my spark of positivity here:
View attachment 6148975
DD gave this plant to me a year ago It has been looking pretty dead for a while, but there's a new blossom!

Love this!

 

[Sparkletastic]

Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world to me.
I know that was a rhetorical question but I actually know where my issues stem from: the abusive ex who drilled into me that I'm not worth the air I breathe, let alone nice things. It's been years since he was in my life but, somehow his words are only growing stronger and I'm filled with self-loathing.
I believe it's quite common for people who struggle with a sense of self-worth to have had someone in their life put them down repeatedly until it becomes part of their conditioning; a parent, sibling, partner, boss...
It sucks.

It would be lovely to stumble upon these bags on the preloved market at some point. If not, at least I got to hold them and appreciate their beauty once.

The conditioning is real. I feel for you and fully understand. My epiphany and break-up are still feeling very fresh and far too often I reduce myself to a sobbing mess. My heart goes out to you!

Both of you deserve the very best and I am hoping you can be surrounded with the support and care you deserve.

 

[papertiger]

View attachment 6148080I only have one grey bag . Mulberry Antony!

Utility beauty!

 

[papertiger]

I've been having a hard time so decided to go out late yesterday (which is unlike me; I'm an early morning person). I went to the outlets and browsed some really beautiful bags, thinking it would reduce my stress levels. Biggest mistake of my life!
I fell in deep, unconditional love with bags from Ferragamo and Loewe. They were lush. The leather was divine.
For the first time ever, I really longed for something totally unaffordable and felt depressed that I couldn't have one of them. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted bags I'm priced out of before, but usually, I can just enjoy them from afar and not need to own them.
This time was different. Maybe because they were in the outlet so they were just out of reach (by a few hundred, rather than a few thousand) and that made it a bit harder because...so close but not really, lol. It actually hurt to walk away from them.

I got swept up in a morality spiral which is so pointless but my brain wouldn't shut up.
If I had the money, would I really spend this much on myself? Have I earned the right to something this beautiful? Could I allow myself to use it knowing I don't live up to the beauty of the bag? Am I a good enough person that I can justify this self-indulgence?
Then I started saying, okay, if I had the £600, would it not be better to spend 200 on myself and give the other 400 to someone who needs it more? What's the cut-off for me vs. other people?
It's such a useless guilt trip to go on. Morality shouldn't be tied into material items. Yet, here I was, more depressed than when I ventured out because the two were interlinked in my mind.

Anyway, what I learned from torturing myself is that I think my style is evolving. These bags are not my usual aesthetic. They're more refined. I felt like that could be the start of a new chapter for me. Maybe that's all I'm after, in the end. I'd like this miserable chapter to end and a quieter, more beautiful one to start. I think many of us feel that way right now.

If I had the means, I would completely rebuild my bag collection at this point. I feel ready for a drastic change. I'd limit myself to 5 or 6 stunning bags that made me as happy as those bags I tried yesterday did.
While I wait for my lifestyle to match my daydreams, I'm going to enjoy the bags I do own while they're with me. I've only been using 2 crossbodies so far this year and that's somehow made me fall out of love with everything. I'm going to pull some bags out and immediately start carrying them, so I can remind myself of what I already have.

Edit: @Sparkletastic Beautiful grey bags above!

A therapist I knew set his prices per session according to how much money people made. He'd treat people from £5-£500 per hour - the price was the doubled if they cancelled. His reasoning was that people had to invest in themselves to take their progress seriously.

I don't think it's a question of morality of what we spend on ourselves (or the proportion of what we can) per-sae. I think it's a question of making informed decisions based on priorities and what makes us happiest.

If it will make you happier to spend money on others rather than yourself or the other way round, or just to save the money, it's all just maths. None of it makes you better or worse, it should be whatever makes you feel you've made the best investment.

 

[papertiger]

Thank you everyone for your support over the past dreadful week.

I was not prepared for yesterday (Saturday)- I went to my parents’, having been told that my Mum had finally eaten something , so my sister had gone to a football match.
I took her Mother’s Day card early(see below).

She could hardly breathe or swallow-it was one of the most stressful days ever.
When my Dad went to lie down I managed to give her some apple juice and about 1/3 of a yogurt, but she struggled to swallow.

Really she should be in hospital.
I honestly don’t know whether she will survive.

I was so relieved to arrive home, but didn’t sleep last night, and got up to waah my hair at 3am and write to my girlfriend with an update..

I don’t know what the next few days will bring, or how I’ll get through them.

I am so sorry for you. Well done for giving her the Mother's Day card early. What you are going through brings quite painful memories for me. I just want to give you the biggest hug.

 

[papertiger]

Thanks for your thoughts, Sparks. You are, of course, absolutely right.

I know what I was thinking was ludicrous. I would never pass this kind of judgment on another person, so I'm not sure why I did this to myself.
It's been a recurring theme in recent years- I get fed up of hospitals and fall into a depression and anxiety spiral, get the urge to totally revamp my bag collection, and then inexplicably question whether I'm even worth daydreaming about new bags.
Let's be totally honest, it's totally irrational and unreasonable thinking.

But 2 positives that came out of this are that I immediately recognized the trigger was my anxiety from the previous weeks dealing with health complications, and that I am in a rut and need to pull some bags from my closet to shake things up. So, I took out both a green and a grey bag (prompted by the recent colour weeks) to carry this week. Just handling them again has made me feel better and reminded me of how much I love my collection. As for the core issue of anxiety, I am trying some CBT exercises and hoping to break that cycle.

I appreciate you listening to me ramble and giving me the prompts to help work this out.

You make such good points.

What are we harder on ourselves than we would be than our worst enemy?

I am glad you found joy again in what you have already.

Grey is such a good versatile colour.

 

[papertiger]

Grey bag week

View attachment 6148749

My only grey bag is the Miss Dior.

But what a ONE!