2023 Resolution: Shopping my Own Bags and SLG Collection

[Vintage Leather]

A long standing tradition in this thread is to remind ourselves of how wonderful our own collections are by showcasing them. We can see how far we have come, collection wise, and we reminded that we have all (or most of) what we need making it easier to shop our own closets.



• New theme weeks start each Sunday

• Don’t jump ahead but, if you miss a week, please do show your bags “late”.

• Show bags individually or in a group

• You do NOT have to wear the bags that week

• For added fun, show old pictures from previous years to demonstrate how you have curated it over time.

• This is completely voluntary. There is no pressure to post at any time.





So what are the showcases? In the Fall, we group our bags by makers! Feel free to show bags, small leather goods, or however it is easiest to organize!

August 13 - Balenciaga, Bottega Veneta

August 20 - Burberry, Celine

August 27 - Coach, Chanel

September 3 - Chloe, Dior

September 10 - Dooney & Bourke, Fendi

September 17 - Ferragamo, Givenchy

September 24 - Goyard, Gucci

October 1 - Hermes, Kate Spade

October 8 - Loewe, Longchamp

October 15 - Louis Vuitton, Marc Jacobs

October 22 - Michael Kors, Miu Miu

October 29 - Mulberry, Prada

November 5 - Proenza Schouler, Rebecca Minkoff

November 12 - Saint Laurent, Tods

November 19 - Tory Burch, Valentino

November 26 - Bags by Jewelers: Bulgari, Cartier, Tiffany Co, Van Cleef & Arpels. Alternatively, the pillboxes, compacts and other lovelies made by jewelers that fit in your bag.

December 3 - independent artisans and custom bags.

 

[baghabitz34]

Your Nolitas are so cute. I love the look of these little bags, and they come in so many great colors, patterns, strap types. Your pink quilted and butterfly ones are so cute. I had considered that butterfly I don't have a Nolita 15, as I couldn't figure out what to do with one. I have 3 Nolita 19s. For a catchall in my bag, I do have one that I always carry, a fabric pouch I just got off Etsy last year. Something like this, except mine has no wrist strap:

View attachment 5815880

It holds my toiletries and such. And because it's soft fabric and pliable, it holds roughly the amount of a Nolita 19 but fits into more bags. The 19s do make nice grab and gos, though they hold only my barest essentials, and I pretty much never can be satisfied with just a Nolita for the whole day. I'll be out and be annoyed that I don't have something I want with me. Have you been able to use one of the larger ones as your only bag for a full day or more (when leaving the house)? I told my husband that Nolita 19s only count as half a bag. They aren't really SLGs for me, since I don't put them inside of other bags, but also, I can never use just a Nolita the whole day like I would a real bag. I have seen someone on YouTube, a minimalist, use a Nolita (or maybe it was a large corner zip?) as her only bag, period!

Thanks! You could attach a strap to the a Nolita 19 & use it as a small bag.

When I use the bigger ones as a bag, it’s for quick errands like going out to lunch, Target run or grocery run.
Love the colors on your pouch.

 

[whateve]

While I have not yet read the book, i have read a number of articles on the subject and find it really fascinating. If my mom was Swedish, I could swear she invented this concept; it’s so her! When I mentioned earlier that she gets rid of stuff all the time, it’s no joke: I’m amazed she salvaged photos from when I was little since there isn’t much else to be had from my childhood.

The one thing that concerns me with her (since were are currently going through this with DH’s parents, who both passed in the last three years) is financials. I have no idea what she has and where. The where is really the bigger concern, since my in-laws consolidated very little, so there are multiple 401K accounts, a couple of bank accounts, CDs, etc. I suspect my mom is the same way. Some of their accounts don’t have much in them, so it’s a wonder they kept them. This is not an easy process, with no standardization on what paperwork is needed to make all the things that need to be done happen. What this whole experience has taught us is that we’re going to consolidate to the maximum extent possible once we retire so we don’t leave the same mess for DD to straighten out after we’re gone.

My mom kept great records. She planned everything. She had arranged for the funeral home and all the arrangements ahead of time, prepaid, so all my dad had to do was know the name of the funeral home. Before my dad died, my sister moved in with him and he put her name on all his accounts.

 

[whateve]

Re: the coins. There are reference books that cover coins - year, country, etc and value. I borrowed one from my local library. It’s not perfect, but will at least give you an idea if something is valuable or not. When my father passed many years ago, he left behind some coins. The book helped us figure out what was valuable & what wasn’t.

I made a list of my items, too. What’s valuable & a ballpark value. My family assumes that everything I own is expensive . This way they will know which items actually are valuable.

My husband's coin collection is in the garage. No one has looked at it in years. He's the only one who knows what anything is worth, but his knowledge is probably out of date. I have a lot of my dad's. My daughter has already expressed an interest. These days, there are forums and online resources you can ask about value. I asked once about an Arabian coin we have. It is so detailed; there is even stuff embossed on the rim. It isn't that valuable but I think it is beautiful.

 

[DME]

My mom kept great records. She planned everything. She had arranged for the funeral home and all the arrangements ahead of time, prepaid, so all my dad had to do was know the name of the funeral home. Before my dad died, my sister moved in with him and he put her name on all his accounts.

My mom‘s funeral is totally planned and paid for. Literally down to the music (she had a CD burned). She either isn’t leaving anything to chance, or she doesn’t trust my brother and me to get it right. Probably that second one…

 

[Bag peace]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.



Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.


I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

 

[Evia]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.

View attachment 5816365

Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.

View attachment 5816366
I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

That’s a shocking thing to have happen to you. But I know from personal experience that the temptation of money and opportunity, causes some people to behave badly. It’s not a reflection on you at all, it’s a reflection on him and his poor character. So don’t take it personally- he’d do it to anyone.

 

[DME]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.

View attachment 5816365

Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.

View attachment 5816366
I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

I’m so sorry. This is a truly awful thing to have happen to you. And ditto what @Pessie said: This is not a poor reflection of you in any way. This is all on him.

 

[BowieFan1971]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.

View attachment 5816365

Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.

View attachment 5816366
I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

OMG!!! What the hell is wrong with people?!? I am so sorry this happened to you! This s not a reflection on you, it is a reflection solely of him. Anyone should be able to trust in a 20 year friendship in that situation, especially when you are selling something for money you truly need because it is clear you can’t spare the money. What a douche!!!!! I hope you are able to manage around this setback. And that you keep on being you and not let the a-holes of this world change you. They are not worth it. Big hugs!!! You gave that barista a gift far beyond a watch and THAT is what the world needs more of, not the behavior of your so called friend. You modeled generosity and kindness. There can never be enough of that in this world. Thank you.

Your kitty bag is so cute! I love her…yes, I assigned her a gender…LOL

 

[Bag peace]

That’s a shocking thing to have happen to you. But I know from personal experience that the temptation of money and opportunity, causes some people to behave badly. It’s not a reflection on you at all, it’s a reflection on him and his poor character. So don’t take it personally- he’d do it to anyone.

Thank you! It's just ludicrous to me that someone would toss away a friendship over such a small sum. I mean, it's a lot of money, especially with the current climate, but it's not 50k or a million, you know? A grand only goes so far. Was it worth it to him to lose a friend over that? My mind can't compute. My heart can't either, lol.
Perhaps you're right, he's opportunistic and probably would have done it to anyone. Perhaps he has done it to countless others (or not)...who knows? I'm happy I learned the lesson this way and didn't entrust him with anything more valuable. Good riddance.

I’m so sorry. This is a truly awful thing to have happen to you. And ditto what @Pessie said: This is not a poor reflection of you in any way. This is all on him.

Thank you! I just needed to vent because it really threw me. It's a reflection on both of us, tbh. He's dishonest but I'm also stupid. It's a combination made in heaven, lol.

OMG!!! What the hell is wrong with people?!? I am so sorry this happened to you! This s not a reflection on you, it is a reflection solely of him. Anyone should be able to trust in a 20 year friendship in that situation, especially when you are selling something for money you truly need because it is clear you can’t spare the money. What a douche!!!!! I hope you are able to manage around this setback. And that you keep on being you and not let the a-holes of this world change you. They are not worth it. Big hugs!!! You gave that barista a gift far beyond a watch and THAT is what the world needs more of, not the behavior of your so called friend. You modeled generosity and kindness. There can never be enough of that in this world. Thank you.

Your kitty bag is so cute! I love her…yes, I assigned her a gender…LOL

Thanks for the support, as always. I'm more hurt about losing the friend than I am the money, and am just trying to focus on the fact that this was no friend at all. Can't lie- it still stings. Wish I were a better judge of character but, it's done and I can't undo it.

The clutch is definitely a she! It's sassy rather than quirky, so it's a good addition to my collection! I'll post an action shot when I eventually use her!

It's funny, I gave away some watches a couple of months ago but chose to keep this one just a little longer, with the intention of letting it go around Xmas time. Each time I wore it since, I didn't want it on me and I regretted not including it in my earlier donations. When I saw it on the barista's wrist, I knew that it was meant to be hers. It was too large on my wrist but perfectly sized for her. It worked out just the way it was supposed to.
The watches I have left are my forever watches. I'm really happy with my core collection and don't foresee myself adding anything for years to come. I'm very lucky!

 

[lill_canele]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.

View attachment 5816365

Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.

View attachment 5816366
I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible feeling. It's good to let it go. Karma will come back to that person and he's not worth your time, thoughts, or emotions.
I was talking about friendship with my husband and one of our close friends about another "friend" of ours (let's call him Bob).
Our close friend has been screwed over thousands of dollars by Bob. He admits it was a mistake to work with him and do business with him. However, he tried to give Bob the benefit of the doubt. He tried to let things go, give him a second chance. Only to be burned again later.
My husband and I had have enough bad relationships to just burn bridges. But it's hard, for our close friend, to let him go. He values friendship a lot and is a very giving person.
My husband advised our close friend to just stay away from him for a while if he doesn't want to cut him off, then just keep some distance until he doesn't feel that crummy anymore or when he wants to make a decision.
Personally, I still consider Bob a friend, sort of, I talk to his wife more than I talk to him to be honest. I just know to never trust him with money, or business. He's the kind of person I don't mind having dinner with, catch up, talk, but nothing else. I draw the line there.

My husband and I are a little cold. It may be from our previous life experiences, but if someone wrongs us, we cut off, and move on. (in our younger days, we were a little more spiteful and bitter, but now we know it's just not worth it to do anything about it, but of course, we always remember) Sometimes it a matter of principle, sometimes it's personal. Sometimes we let the person know, sometimes we just block without warning. We have few friends and fewer close friends. But our close friends are our ride or dies and that's what matters to us.

 

[DME]

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible feeling. It's good to let it go. Karma will come back to that person and he's not worth your time, thoughts, or emotions.
I was talking about friendship with my husband and one of our close friends about another "friend" of ours (let's call him Bob).
Our close friend has been screwed over thousands of dollars by Bob. He admits it was a mistake to work with him and do business with him. However, he tried to give Bob the benefit of the doubt. He tried to let things go, give him a second chance. Only to be burned again later.
My husband and I had have enough bad relationships to just burn bridges. But it's hard, for our close friend, to let him go. He values friendship a lot and is a very giving person.
My husband advised our close friend to just stay away from him for a while if he doesn't want to cut him off, then just keep some distance until he doesn't feel that crummy anymore or when he wants to make a decision.
Personally, I still consider Bob a friend, sort of, I talk to his wife more than I talk to him to be honest. I just know to never trust him with money, or business. He's the kind of person I don't mind having dinner with, catch up, talk, but nothing else. I draw the line there.

My husband and I are a little cold. It may be from our previous life experiences, but if someone wrongs us, we cut off, and move on. (in our younger days, we were a little more spiteful and bitter, but now we know it's just not worth it to do anything about it, but of course, we always remember) Sometimes it a matter of principle, sometimes it's personal. Sometimes we let the person know, sometimes we just block without warning. We have few friends and fewer close friends. But our close friends are our ride or dies and that's what matters to us.

+1,000!

It took the pandemic for me to get into this mindset, but I cut off a few friendships that weren’t working for me during that time, using all the COVID-related excuses that were so readily available. I also drew back on several that I wanted to keep, but didn’t want to continue the same level of “work” to maintain. And I haven’t opened the door to them now that life is largely back to normal. If someone I cut off reaches out, we’re simply “busy”; no further explanation needed.

Like you, my DH and I have few close friends and even fewer closer friends, but those we are close to are the ones we will move mountains for.

And I completely agree with you on karma. I almost mentioned it in my original reply! You may not know how and you may not know when, but karma, fate, or whatever you want to call it has a way of catching up.

 

[Evia]

+1,000!

It took the pandemic for me to get into this mindset, but I cut off a few friendships that weren’t working for me during that time, using all the COVID-related excuses that were so readily available. I also drew back on several that I wanted to keep, but didn’t want to continue the same level of “work” to maintain. And I haven’t opened the door to them now that life is largely back to normal. If someone I cut off reaches out, we’re simply “busy”; no further explanation needed.

Like you, my DH and I have few close friends and even fewer closer friends, but those we are close to are the ones we will move mountains for.

And I completely agree with you on karma. I almost mentioned it in my original reply! You may not know how and you may not know when, but karma, fate, or whatever you want to call it has a way of catching up.

I have a similar approach to relationships, I simply don’t see the point in doing otherwise. I also keep notebooks and lists of various random things - eg one of my lists is *tradesmen to never use again* and *tradesmen to absolutely use again*

 

[baghabitz34]

I've been in a bit of a whirlwind so I'm not sure when I last posted stats. It feels like I did just a week ago but it was probably last month? Anyway, 1 bag in this month. This adorable no-brand, velvet cat-shaped clutch. There's a chain tucked into it.
Gifted to me by an old friend for my birthday (which was in April but I didn't have a mailing address so she waited until I settled and then sent it to me). Cost her only £2! Bargain! Doesn't fit my phone, but it's so adorable that I don't care. The picture isn't good but it's a lovely shade of emerald green irl.

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Also, 1 watch out. It was one I was planning to give away later in the year because I just don't love it, though it really is very nice and it goes with everything. Pic from the web.

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I was wearing it when a barista commented on how nice it was. I took it off and let her try it on. It suited her so much better than it did me. Not the original intended recipient but I love when things work out perfectly like that. It was 6am and she had just opened up the shop, so it was a really nice way for both of us to start our day.

Otherwise, I've been dealing with lots of challenges that are honestly too great for me to handle. My mental health is in the gutter and I honestly don't know which way is up anymore. It's a dark and heavy place to be in.
On top of it, people have been devastatingly cruel. I will share this thing that happened a couple of weeks ago because I need to let it out and let it go.

Those who know me will know that I've never sold any of my stuff. I always donate my things, most often directly to those who can use them. However, we've been struggling to keep our heads above water in the last couple of years as medical expenses have piled on and I've been unable to secure steady work.
We finally decided to sell an etched sterling silver tray that was my grandmother's but is too large and heavy to be functional for any of us. Since my current chosen "home" doesn't value silver at all, I asked an old friend to sell the tray for me in their country of residence where the market readily accepts silver as a commodity. Normally I would have asked my siblings to sell it, but they've both been very ill and I didn't want to burden them with this task.

My friend took the tray, sold it for £1000 (I had to approve the quote) and then...I still can't quite believe it...he immediately disappeared. Changed his phone number, social media, email, everything.
I was robbed by someone I've known for almost two decades.

The thing that hurts most is that a while ago, he was unemployed for almost 2 years. The entire time, I sent him money out of my paycheque every month so that he would be able to get back on his feet. It was a gift, I don't want that money back. I was lucky enough that I had a steady income at the time and was happy to help out. However, now that I'm in dire need, he has repaid me by stealing the only item of actual value I had. I needed that money for rent or else I would never have thought to sell. He knew that and stole the money anyway.

Objectively, it's fine. It's just a material object, just a bit of cash. My grandmother's memory will not be tarnished by this, nor will I allow myself to get worked up about the money. However, the betrayal has really been devastating. Perhaps because I'm already so depressed. You think you know someone after almost 20 years of friendship, only to discover you never knew them at all.

Oh well, live and learn. He may have earned some money for himself but you can't buy character. It still makes me cry because it's quite fresh and it was a shock but, I'll lick my wounds and move on. It's my own fault for being stupid. If there's anything I can say with certainty, it is that I'm always making dumb mistakes like this. Shame you can't outgrow stupidity.

Edit: as I just typed all that out, it hit me that this is what my friendship is worth. A grand. 20 years of friendship for a grand. If that doesn't wreck your self-esteem...

As others have said, it’s not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on him being a p.o.s. human. I hope you are able to recover from this.

 

[DME]

I have a similar approach to relationships, I simply don’t see the point in doing otherwise. I also keep notebooks and lists of various random things - eg one of my lists is *tradesmen to never use again* and *tradesmen to absolutely use again*

A good tradesperson is so hard to find. I don’t blame you!

 

[Bag peace]

I'm so sorry. It's a terrible feeling. It's good to let it go. Karma will come back to that person and he's not worth your time, thoughts, or emotions.

Thank you! And thanks for sharing your story of Bob. You're right, letting go and letting karma do its thing is the only way to mental peace.

Like you, my DH and I have few close friends and even fewer closer friends, but those we are close to are the ones we will move mountains for.

Those are the best friendships. I agree it's much better to have a few that are true, than a lot that are superficial or toxic.

eg one of my lists is *tradesmen to never use again* and *tradesmen to absolutely use again*

This is a very clever idea! If you don't mind, I'm going to steal this and start doing the same.

I hope you are able to recover from this.

Thank you so much. Now that the initial shock of it has worn off, I'm starting to feel grateful he showed me his true colours.