Also Try taking the baby out for a short walk each day as long as weather permits. It will help the baby too. Then you can drop the baby back off with Dh and take a second outing just for you. Getting my kids out even in cold air really helped them sleep better.
You know, I was thinking I should start walking with her when the weather gets warmer, but maybe I'll give it a try now and just make sure she's nice and bundled up. I am ALL for anything that will help her sleep better!
How cool that you do this!
For me, it's a sensory thing. I'm long-waisted and supposedly can wear high-waisted pants but I truly hate the feeling of almost anything on my lower stomach and constricting my waist. I will say, however, that I DID just buy a pair of NYDJ that are somewhat high-waisted (because I needed a new pair of jeans and can't find any low-rise ones anymore) and they are fairly comfy-- super soft and stretchy. Still, though, waiting it out for the next surge in fashion, which if recent history hints at anything regarding the 80s-90-s-00s repetition, will mean low-rise jeans again.
Oh, I remember this feeling so well! My firstborn cried/screamed nearly constantly from morning to night for the first 8 weeks. It was a lactation consultant who finally diagnosed the issue: Thrush, a systemic yeast infection, which is incredibly painful for babies. Once that was diagnosed and treated, he became the happiest, easiest baby. But doing those weeks of nearly non-stop crying, I thought I was going to lose my mind.
It is SO important to get away from your house, including your baby. You are not a bad mother for thinking the things you are thinking, nor are you a bad mother getting away from it all. There is so much pressure for women to feel like they have to be nurturing and selfless 24/7. We are human. We have needs and wants. We have limits. And we need balance. Doing something that is for you-- just for you-- every day is important. Also, happy mom = happy baby, I think.
Someone mentioned taking the baby outside. I agree 100% with this. It was actually one of the ONLY ways we could come my baby down, and the fresh air and exercise (for me) did us both an incredible amount of good.
I definitely get the sensory things with high waist! I've been paying much closer attention to my wardrobe lately in an effort to curate and edit it, and I'm realizing just how sensitive I am to fabrics and feel. The feeling of a heavier fabric like denim on my lower stomach feels so uncomfortable and constricting to me. I can handle it with some leggings but not all. I too am waiting the next resurgence in fashion!
It is really hard for me to get away from the house and baby. Some of it is just the reality of life - my husband works in theater which means an untraditional schedule. When there are shows or TV/film shoots in his theater, it's not uncommon for him to have a several 10-12 hour days, plus it takes him at least an hour to commute in and at least another to get back home. It's just us - we don't live near family that can help - so getting way when his theater is busy just isn't going to happen. But, I'm realizing some of it is self-imposed too, and that IS something I can do something about.
It's funny - I never thought I would be a parent who feels they can't leave their baby, but here I am. I think the pandemic may have something to do with it - I'm home all the time due to WFH and just not going out much because of COVID so being home constantly with baby has just become the norm. Plus there's the fact that I'm still breastfeeding. She's not exclusively breastfed, but I hate pumping with such a passion that I only do it when I have to (like if I have to get a sitter because I need to go into the office) and our freezer stash is designated for emergencies only. So, if I go out without her, I feel like I have to rush home to feed her. And then there's the whole default parent thing. My husband is wonderful, very involved with the baby and does absolutely everything he can, but the fact that I'm her primary source of nutrition and the one who's around all the time due to his hours, I'm the default parent, and thus, I feel like I need to be home and "momming" all the time.
HOWEVER, all of that doesn't mean that I actually do have to stay home all the time. I can go out and take some alone time for myself, and I SHOULD. My pole classes are an oasis for me since becoming a mom, and my husband is so great at encouraging me to take class whenever I can - I thought that was enough time to take for myself. But between the studio's class schedule and my husband's work schedule, I'm lucky if I get to class just once a week. I'm realizing once a week, or less, out of the apartment is not enough. I'm really going to try to be more cognizant of it and make the effort to get out more.
Also, thank you for reinforcing the fact that thinking/feeling these things don't make me a bad mom. I know that, of course, but sometimes it does feel like I'm the only one who feels this way, and I must be horrible as a result. The pressure is real, and it always seems like everyone else is just nailing the mom life and taking it all in stride. A month or so after I had her, I remember just sobbing to my husband about how hard it all was and how I felt like I was failing and how it seems like no one else finds it so hard. And then I posted about it a little bit on FB and basically asked, am I only one? The number of women who came out of the woodwork - some that I hadn't spoken to in years or that I was never close with in the first place - was incredible. It made me feel so much better to see that I'm not alone but also really highlighted for me how strong the pressure is to be the "perfect" mom and how we just don't talk about these things enough.
I am in agreement with what others have said. However much of an introvert you feel you are, humans are basic socially beings and we need other people in our lives. I too found my babies both wonderful and highly frustrating at times. There is no reasoning or compromise with a baby. Toddlers were equally frustrating to me. It gets easier I think, although teenagers come with their own complexities!
Definitely set a goal to get out the house every day, even just for a walk, and if possible carve out a tiny bit of “me” time. You’ll feel all the better for it if you can make it work. Perhaps catch up with a friend once in a while if you can. Sometimes I don’t feel like going out because I’m so tired but when I get there I have a good time so I know I need to force myself!
Lol, I'm not sure if I'm dreading or looking forward to the toddler stage! Part of me thinks it'll be so nice when she can walk and talk and the other part of me think oh no, she's going to be able to walk (away and get into everything!) and talk (and argue and say no to everything!).
I'm definitely going to try to make it a priority, or at least more of a priority, to get out more often. I can see what a difference it made for me and my state of mind so I think it's important. I'm prone to becoming too comfortable (and, let's be honest - lazy) so it can feel like unnecessary effort to leave the house for no real reason like errand or work, etc. But, I think it will be one of those things that I'll be glad I did once I do it.
I think you had a really great insight, and I'm so glad for you.
Like you, I'm basically an introvert and a homebody, so at the beginning of the pandemic I figured it would be fine to just hang out at home. But I hadn't realized how bad that was for my mental health. Even just interactions with someone at the grocery store (which I couldn't go to… I was having groceries delivered) or the bank (bank was closed… I was doing all transactions on line) would have made a difference. So Mr. PG and I started making it a point to take walks, either in the neighborhood or along the bay.
I didn't have your insight to use a bag, though. That would have been a good idea!
This year I'm challenging myself to carry a nice bag every day, even if I'm just out for 15 minutes wither on a walk or on an errand. And you're absolutely right: it's a spirit-lifter!
Yes, I didn't realize how even the small interactions make such a difference! I love my husband dearly, but it is nice to say hello to someone that isn't him.
When I'm home alone all day and I have to take the dog on a walk, I don't carry a bag because I have the dog and I'm baby-wearing baby girl - I'll just stick my keys in my pocket then. But it was really nice to carry a nice bag even just to the post office. It feels a bit silly, but I'm going to take these opportunities to use my bags, even if all I'm doing is going for a walk or running boring errands. Sure, I can just stick my keys in my pocket for those things too, but what's the fun in that? It also give me an opportunity to actually rotate and use my plethora of bags, even if it just a quick outing.
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