How much right does a bridesmaid have...

babypie

babypie

Member
Jun 3, 2007
18,877
2
#1
...when it comes to the bridesmaid shoes?

I'm going to be a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding in October. The dresses are roughly knee length and are a deep red. Hard to describe the colour, not a bright candy red, not a dark maroon, but a nice medium-dark red.

My soon to be sis-in-law is insisting on silver shoes. I know that it can be easy for red and silver to look tacky together, especially since this is a warm darker red and she's leaning towards light colored silver. I'm kinda worried. (I'd prefer black shoes, but it's not my call so *shrugs*).

I also know that if it has to be silver a muted tone is probably best?

The other part of the problem is she wants pale silver strappy sandals with diamontes and I'm REALLY not into that look at all. It's also the fact that my feet look terrible in strappy open type shoes. I'm not trying to be a B**** about it, in fact I've bitten my tongue so far because I'm not entirely sure how much right I have to even say anything? It's not so much that her taste is different to mine (because it is her day and I get that), but more the fact that my feet are on the wide side and look terrible in strappy open type shoes, plus they tend to hurt my toes.

Does a bridesmaid have the right to say they feel uncomfortable in a certain type of shoe, or that they know it looks unflattering on them? :confused1:
 
#2
Well, on one hand, I understand the bride's point in that with short dresses she wants the shoes to match. I agree that the silver/red combo is questionable, but hey, she is the one who will have to look at the wedding photos for the rest of her life. You have the option of putting the photo in a drawer and the shoes in the giveaway pile.

On the other hand, I get your problem with the strappy shoe/wide foot issue. I have very wide feet myself, and I know where you are coming from. The answer to that may be to get the shoes she suggests, put them on, and let her see for herself that they don't look very nice. Letting her see for herself is more tactful than telling her that the style doesn't work for you. Hopefully, she then rethinks the shoe. If not, it's probably better to hobble around for one day than cause a rift over a pair of shoes that you never need to wear again. All that is assuming that she is not a bridezilla. It is her day and your brother's day, but no one has the right to take over your life, or make truly unreasonable demands on your body or pocketbook.
 
#3
It's her day and frankly, it isn't about whether you're in the the look or not. Just wear them at the wedding and in the photos and then change in to something more comfortable for the reception. It won't be for all that long a time period so personally, I'd just deal.
 
#4
ItsMyWorld said:
It's her day and frankly, it isn't about whether you're in the the look or not. Just wear them at the wedding and in the photos and then change in to something more comfortable for the reception. It won't be for all that long a time period so personally, I'd just deal.
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I was a BM and the bride wanted to go with cheap, uncomfortable dyed to match shoes from Payless. They killed my feet. I wore them for the ceremony and photos but changed at the reception. I was the only one in the wedding party on her side that didn't have sore feet.

How open is she to suggestion? Something like "I found these and thought they would be perfect for the dresses you picked out. I know you're really busy with the planning so I thought I'd let you know about them in case they're what you're looking for." Then you'd let her know what you like but you would give her an out and not be putting pressure to choose them. It's a lot of work to put together a wedding so she may welcome ideas so she doesn't have to look for everything herself.
 
#5
wow, i'm sorry for this stress. i am a bridesmaid in a november wedding and the bride is awesome. she had all us girls on a hunt for shoes. i found a pretty, comfy pair and she sent a pic to all the other maids to get their opinion first. everyone loved them and now we have great shoes!
 
#6
ItsMyWorld said:
It's her day and frankly, it isn't about whether you're in the the look or not. Just wear them at the wedding and in the photos and then change in to something more comfortable for the reception. It won't be for all that long a time period so personally, I'd just deal.
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I agree. There is never a good way to tell someone they have poor taste, and this is her call. Just have other shoes to change into and smile for your friend. :yes:
 
#7
You can tell her what you think but its part of accepting the role of being a bridesmaid. You are gonna have to wear whatever she wants that day because its all about the bride and not about the bridesmaids.
 
#9
ZoeyZoo said:
I was a BM and the bride wanted to go with cheap, uncomfortable dyed to match shoes from Payless. They killed my feet. I wore them for the ceremony and photos but changed at the reception. I was the only one in the wedding party on her side that didn't have sore feet.

How open is she to suggestion? Something like "I found these and thought they would be perfect for the dresses you picked out. I know you're really busy with the planning so I thought I'd let you know about them in case they're what you're looking for." Then you'd let her know what you like but you would give her an out and not be putting pressure to choose them. It's a lot of work to put together a wedding so she may welcome ideas so she doesn't have to look for everything herself.
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I'm glad you know what I mean. My issue really is the fact that synthetic shoes really hurt my feet and straps dig into my toes. I'm not being a snob, I know that she's not into shoes the way I am and I haven't said a word about this as yet (well, except for whining to my husband :P). If I could I'd bring my own to change into after the ceremony and photos were done, but she's hiring a cameraman for the entire reception and wouldn't want me to change into my own shoes. :sad:
 
#10
ZoeyZoo said:
I was a BM and the bride wanted to go with cheap, uncomfortable dyed to match shoes from Payless. They killed my feet. I wore them for the ceremony and photos but changed at the reception. I was the only one in the wedding party on her side that didn't have sore feet.

How open is she to suggestion? Something like "I found these and thought they would be perfect for the dresses you picked out. I know you're really busy with the planning so I thought I'd let you know about them in case they're what you're looking for." Then you'd let her know what you like but you would give her an out and not be putting pressure to choose them. It's a lot of work to put together a wedding so she may welcome ideas so she doesn't have to look for everything herself.
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Oooooooooo I thought I was the only one who wore payless bridesmaid shoes and took em back! Mine were lavender/metallic. They were cute but hurt like heck.

You really can't do anything but make a suggestion. If she doesnt go with it then oh well- her tacky wedding. Brides really don't care what you look like.
 
#11
It is up to the bride to decide the colors for her wedding, including the shoes that she will purchase for her bridesmaids.

It is also her responsibility to purchase shoes in that color for each bridesmaid that accomodate any and all foot comfort issues.
 
#12
As much as it is her day and she has overall say on what she wants. I would say you also have a say as they are your feet and you have to be on them all day. Best thing is to try on the shoes she has in mind and if they are uncomfortable say something if it's just a case of they look awful then there really isn't much you can do! Her day her say.
 
#14
^^^^^ For me that then puts a different slant on it. Your feet, your money, your choice and she should ask nicely if you wouldn't mind considering this style and this colour.
 
#15
I still think that even if you're paying for them you should just suck it up. I bet if you don't change into your other shoes immediately upon arrival at the reception, and do it at some point discreetly, she might not even notice. If there is dancing going on, there will certainly be other people changing shoes or going barefoot.

I am just thinking of all the minutiae that I had going on when I was planning my wedding and how overwhelming it was. It would have been nice had she just told you all a color and style and let you pick the exact shoe, but she didn't go that route. She probably has a lot more important things to think about right now, honestly, and as a bridesmaid you're supposed to be making her life coming up to the wedding as easy as possible, KWIM? It's just one day of your life wearing uncomfortable, ugly shoes.
 
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