Need to vent.

socalgrl86

socalgrl86

Mommy Extraordinaire
Aug 20, 2006
2,164
0
#1
Im sorry if my spelling is horrible, im writing this as im extremely upset and angry and just sad. Does it ever seem like it will never end? Like there is no way out? I dont know, I feel like im mentally going crazy and I just dont know what to do anymore. See, I live with my parents. As many of you know, I get along WONDREFULLY with my dad, it's my mom who I pretty much, almost hate. We dont get along AT ALL and she and I are constantly fighting. Well, to make a long story short, we start fighting right now, she tells me all of my faults (this coming from a woman who is anything BUT a good mother and wife). She goes on to tell me that I am a horrible wife and mother and my DH who lately seems to be getting along really well with her (i will tell you a little more about DH in a little bit) shouldnt do our laundry anymore and lalala...(she was giving him "advice" on what he shouldnt do because I dont ever "appreciate" it). Yes, she butted in to my own marriage. Then when I catch her on it she has the freakin balls to tell me that I always butt into her marriage, that I am always giving my dad advice on what he should do with her (I dont. I am just very over protective of him. They HATE each other and my mom gave him so much stress in 2004 due to her going off and wanting to get with other men that he developed high blood pressure and a whole list of other things. He's tried to kill himself twice.) Anyways, I go on to tell her that my DH always disrespects me like calls me "*****, whore and other things and he NEVER respects me at all and I told her, "maybe i stopped trying to be a wife because being called a ***** and a whore doesnt give me the motivatioin to do it" and instead of her actually giving me good advice as to what to do she says "Well, you brought it upon yourself. If he disrespects you is because you werent doing your job.":cursing:

Now I dont know what to do. I have no where to go and my dad is the only one on my side and i dont know...
 
#3
I agree with Jill. Is there any way you can talk to someone on your own, and in the meantime distance yourself (and your DH) from your mother?

So sorry to hear you're dealing with all of this drama.
 
#5
Thanks guys....i cant do "family" conseling because according to my mother, she's right and she doesnt need it. My father and I are crazy and we should be the ones to change. Im just tired of constantly changing my attitude to wanting to please my DH and him just not noticing and still treating me like **** you know?
 
#6
I read Dear Abby everyday, and whenever she suggests family counseling, she always follows up with "if ___ is not willing to go, go by yourself." I think even getting counseling alone will give you some perspective on your situation, and what to do next. Good luck!
 
#7
Maybe things will get better once you and your DH and children move out of your parent's home and into a place of your own?
You and your DH may need to distance yourselves from your mother?
Hope everything works out soon for you.
 
#8
Two things:

1. I wouldn't live with a mom who butted into my marriage all the time.
2. I wouldn't live with a husband who called me a ***** and a whore either.
 
#9
merika said:
Two things:

1. I wouldn't live with a mom who butted into my marriage all the time.
2. I wouldn't live with a husband who called me a ***** and a whore either.
Click to expand...


Usually I would be all for some thing like this, defending oneself, leaving not living w/ those things or people...but sometimes it's easier said then done. Ya know? Like, what if someone doesn't have the financial means to just up and go and not live w/ them anylonger...children involved, maybe bills, maybe illnesses, maybe the fact of protecting and caring for her father who seems to have had a very fragile time in the past and whom she loves dearly and wants to watch over him....sometimes it sounds good, but due to certain life situations, maybe not so feasible at the very moment... I doubt she likes being hurt my her mother and disrespected by her husband and if she could or had the means or even was at a point in herself where she could leave or just simply have things worked out for her and the one's she loves she would...

Who knows too, maybe she doesn't want to leave where she lives, maybe she would just like to be happy and not be verbally abused by her family?

I don't think she chooses to get attacked by them as she does, and I'm sure she's not staying to get more. Sometimes people can't just up and go for reasons that go deeper than just the general situation stated.

socalgrl86, I hear where you are coming from. Not with the husband part, but the mother part. Mine is similar to yours in many many ways. Please be strong, and be there for your children and dear father. :heart:
 
#11
this may be too blunt, and if it is, then i apologize, but it seems like two divorces are needed here - one for you, and one for your dad. if your mom wants to be with other men, then your dad deserves better, and if your husband calls you a whore, then so do you. i know it's not that easy, and i know it would be difficult, both financially and emotionally, but it may want to be something you start looking in to and preparing for, if not for your dad, then for you. your children don't need to be around a dad that treats their mom like that, and i honestly don't believe that therapy can save marriages that descend that far.

i'll keep you in my prayers, hun, and i hope things improve.
 
#12
perhaps its time to get out and on your own, a very cheap place with little extras if money is an issue.
I cant see how loving with your parents when married is a good thing.

socalgrl86 said:
Im sorry if my spelling is horrible, im writing this as im extremely upset and angry and just sad. Does it ever seem like it will never end? Like there is no way out? I dont know, I feel like im mentally going crazy and I just dont know what to do anymore. See, I live with my parents. As many of you know, I get along WONDREFULLY with my dad, it's my mom who I pretty much, almost hate. We dont get along AT ALL and she and I are constantly fighting. Well, to make a long story short, we start fighting right now, she tells me all of my faults (this coming from a woman who is anything BUT a good mother and wife). She goes on to tell me that I am a horrible wife and mother and my DH who lately seems to be getting along really well with her (i will tell you a little more about DH in a little bit) shouldnt do our laundry anymore and lalala...(she was giving him "advice" on what he shouldnt do because I dont ever "appreciate" it). Yes, she butted in to my own marriage. Then when I catch her on it she has the freakin balls to tell me that I always butt into her marriage, that I am always giving my dad advice on what he should do with her (I dont. I am just very over protective of him. They HATE each other and my mom gave him so much stress in 2004 due to her going off and wanting to get with other men that he developed high blood pressure and a whole list of other things. He's tried to kill himself twice.) Anyways, I go on to tell her that my DH always disrespects me like calls me "*****, whore and other things and he NEVER respects me at all and I told her, "maybe i stopped trying to be a wife because being called a ***** and a whore doesnt give me the motivatioin to do it" and instead of her actually giving me good advice as to what to do she says "Well, you brought it upon yourself. If he disrespects you is because you werent doing your job.":cursing:

Now I dont know what to do. I have no where to go and my dad is the only one on my side and i dont know...
Click to expand...
 
#13
GayleLV said:
Usually I would be all for some thing like this, defending oneself, leaving not living w/ those things or people...but sometimes it's easier said then done. Ya know? Like, what if someone doesn't have the financial means to just up and go and not live w/ them anylonger...children involved, maybe bills, maybe illnesses, maybe the fact of protecting and caring for her father who seems to have had a very fragile time in the past and whom she loves dearly and wants to watch over him....sometimes it sounds good, but due to certain life situations, maybe not so feasible at the very moment... I doubt she likes being hurt my her mother and disrespected by her husband and if she could or had the means or even was at a point in herself where she could leave or just simply have things worked out for her and the one's she loves she would...
Click to expand...

This is EXACTLY why I cant leave. I am not financially able too which is why i'm working so hard towards finishing my education. That is what started this fight in the first place. My mother said that "I should have thought about that before getting pregnant and now I have to live with the consequences which means not finishing school." She thinks because she had to work from the bottom up that I should to. My dad is very supportive in me getting an education for my well being in case I do get a divorce, I have an education to fall back on.

amanda said:
this may be too blunt, and if it is, then i apologize, but it seems like two divorces are needed here - one for you, and one for your dad. if your mom wants to be with other men, then your dad deserves better, and if your husband calls you a whore, then so do you. i know it's not that easy, and i know it would be difficult, both financially and emotionally, but it may want to be something you start looking in to and preparing for, if not for your dad, then for you. your children don't need to be around a dad that treats their mom like that, and i honestly don't believe that therapy can save marriages that descend that far.

i'll keep you in my prayers, hun, and i hope things improve.
Click to expand...

Thanks... I definently agree with you on the divorce for my father, he's been working hard towards keeping the family together for years nad it's just not working. As for me, I know that if things keep going the way they are then I wont be in my marriage for long but I really want to keep working at it. Im only 21 and I dont want to be divorced especialyl since we have the kids you know?
 
#14
GayleLV said:
Usually I would be all for some thing like this, defending oneself, leaving not living w/ those things or people...but sometimes it's easier said then done. Ya know? Like, what if someone doesn't have the financial means to just up and go and not live w/ them anylonger...children involved, maybe bills, maybe illnesses, maybe the fact of protecting and caring for her father who seems to have had a very fragile time in the past and whom she loves dearly and wants to watch over him....sometimes it sounds good, but due to certain life situations, maybe not so feasible at the very moment... I doubt she likes being hurt my her mother and disrespected by her husband and if she could or had the means or even was at a point in herself where she could leave or just simply have things worked out for her and the one's she loves she would...

Who knows too, maybe she doesn't want to leave where she lives, maybe she would just like to be happy and not be verbally abused by her family?

I don't think she chooses to get attacked by them as she does, and I'm sure she's not staying to get more. Sometimes people can't just up and go for reasons that go deeper than just the general situation stated.

socalgrl86, I hear where you are coming from. Not with the husband part, but the mother part. Mine is similar to yours in many many ways. Please be strong, and be there for your children and dear father. :heart:
Click to expand...

I do understand, because I've come from where socalgrl was. I had a mother who butted into my marriage, not by demeaning me but by being too involved and jumping to my defense every time something went wrong in MY family and interfering.

I also had a husband who didn't call me a ***** or a whore, but who compensated for that by being a little free with his arm movements sometimes.

I stayed in that environment for precisely the same reason that socalgrl is doing right now - to finish my undergraduate education. I barely escaped with my sanity, which is why I would not recommend it to any other person.

Now I'm not living with my mother or with my husband (who is now my ex) and believe me, I sleep better, I eat better and I have a lot less stress. I was a single mom and a full time student, and that was EASY compared to the stress I was under before when I was living with my mom and husband. I feel for socalgrl because more than a lot of people, I understand.

And I would also like to add: It maybe tempting to interfere or help in your parents' marriage, but that is very unhealthy for one's own personal life. In some families if one parent is unfaithful the other parent makes an ally of the child against the unfaithful parent and gets a lot of emotional fulfillment by sort of 'replacing' a normal husband-wife interaction with the interaction with the child. This is very unfair on the child and places unnecessary burdens on him or her.
 
#15
i think you should fix things first with your DH since you 2 are married with a kid. after that is worked out, you can deal with your mom. either way, i hope things work out for you. :heart:
 
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