This is long, and I'm just sad, lonely, and ranting.
My bf hates hates HATES my adoration of purses, shopping, and materialistic desires for expensive things. I do have the money to buy these things, but I am not contributing max to savings and retirement.
Everytime I mention a purse, he gets upset. When i want to buy a bag, he gets angry and makes me feel bad for even wanting to spend a certain amount on a bag when I can do better in the world with the money than to feed this material desire of mine. Once I bought a bag in secret but he found out, and made me feel like I cheated on him-- tears and days of disagreement.
I even go on the PF whenever he isn't around because I just don't want to see his disapproving looks and go through another argument about better spending of time.
Other than this anti-purse attitude, he is a great guy. I love him. He is so sweet, caring, generous, and kind to me and others. He just doesn't get my spending. I have sold some bags, and got a few new ones, but have definitely cut down on my spending since I'm w/ him. And I feel that if he were not around, I would be spending more, maybe beyond my own means. However, because of the conscious realization that he really disapproves, I don't do certain things I crave or urge to do. Which can be good. But I may be sacrificing some of my happiness and needs to make sure he is happy.
So a few days ago he gave me two days to do whatever I wanted, regardless of what he felt. He saw that I sometimes didn't voice what I wanted cuz I wanted to make him feel happy and to avoid conflict. So he wanted to unleash me to see the "true" me. I just got excited and started to shop for things I have been craving, and took him to a yummy restaurant and ordered foods I wanted. He encouraged me to always be this way even after this "free period", and he noticed that my behavior was something he really was disappointed in, which was the shopping. I've spent over a year working on cutting down on spending, mainly because of him, but since I was "free", I shopped again. He said that I haven't changed.
While I know and voice how my spending can be dangerous and bad, I often have a hard time holding back from purchases. So I can be hypocritical regarding saying I want to give up shopping, then buying a new purse or whatever a week later.
I just feel awful. I love him, and he loves me, but can this work out? He hates a materialistic side of me, so can he truly love me completely since a part of me is so loathful to him? We have been together for 1.5 years and are living together. We agree generally about everything else in life: foods, vacations, weekend getaways, movies, date nights, etc., but this purse thing is really tearing us apart. We talk about marriage, buying a house, raising kids, and we are excited about these things.
I feel as if I am having to choose purses over a boy, and if it may mean selling/getting rid of all my purses so that he can be happy? He really does get upset-- he does not get it at all. Do I want to be with someone who cannot respect what I want? But are purses something so serious to fight over? Can I just let it go?
Do any of you have the same issues where your SO disagrees about your purses and how do you resolve this?
SIGH...
My bf hates hates HATES my adoration of purses, shopping, and materialistic desires for expensive things. I do have the money to buy these things, but I am not contributing max to savings and retirement.
Everytime I mention a purse, he gets upset. When i want to buy a bag, he gets angry and makes me feel bad for even wanting to spend a certain amount on a bag when I can do better in the world with the money than to feed this material desire of mine. Once I bought a bag in secret but he found out, and made me feel like I cheated on him-- tears and days of disagreement.
I even go on the PF whenever he isn't around because I just don't want to see his disapproving looks and go through another argument about better spending of time.
Other than this anti-purse attitude, he is a great guy. I love him. He is so sweet, caring, generous, and kind to me and others. He just doesn't get my spending. I have sold some bags, and got a few new ones, but have definitely cut down on my spending since I'm w/ him. And I feel that if he were not around, I would be spending more, maybe beyond my own means. However, because of the conscious realization that he really disapproves, I don't do certain things I crave or urge to do. Which can be good. But I may be sacrificing some of my happiness and needs to make sure he is happy.
So a few days ago he gave me two days to do whatever I wanted, regardless of what he felt. He saw that I sometimes didn't voice what I wanted cuz I wanted to make him feel happy and to avoid conflict. So he wanted to unleash me to see the "true" me. I just got excited and started to shop for things I have been craving, and took him to a yummy restaurant and ordered foods I wanted. He encouraged me to always be this way even after this "free period", and he noticed that my behavior was something he really was disappointed in, which was the shopping. I've spent over a year working on cutting down on spending, mainly because of him, but since I was "free", I shopped again. He said that I haven't changed.
While I know and voice how my spending can be dangerous and bad, I often have a hard time holding back from purchases. So I can be hypocritical regarding saying I want to give up shopping, then buying a new purse or whatever a week later.
I just feel awful. I love him, and he loves me, but can this work out? He hates a materialistic side of me, so can he truly love me completely since a part of me is so loathful to him? We have been together for 1.5 years and are living together. We agree generally about everything else in life: foods, vacations, weekend getaways, movies, date nights, etc., but this purse thing is really tearing us apart. We talk about marriage, buying a house, raising kids, and we are excited about these things.
I feel as if I am having to choose purses over a boy, and if it may mean selling/getting rid of all my purses so that he can be happy? He really does get upset-- he does not get it at all. Do I want to be with someone who cannot respect what I want? But are purses something so serious to fight over? Can I just let it go?
Do any of you have the same issues where your SO disagrees about your purses and how do you resolve this?
SIGH...