My DH secretly resents my LVs!!(Long rant)

[Bagluvluv]

So....My DH is faily laid back like me....we are never really in eachothers faces about things that we each feels we need.....

So naturally, my LVs are just something that I enjoy that he feels is nice yet dont want me to go overboard on.....and I have that in check....

Then....I tell him that I ordered my SO Noe and that I feel more than satisfied.....I tell him further, that its funny how I feel full already, when I though that it would just go on....

He seemed annoyed and gave me an attitude and went on to say, "I really expected you not to order another one so soon. I mean, I thought that you were pretty much done. How many do you need?" His tone was so not nice..

WTH!!! This is coming from a man that spends 2 hrs a day at a spa after work. He gets golf lessons and has gotten scuba diving lessons before, ending up buying all the equipment - which he does not use now by the way....I always encourage him.....execpt for the minor whining about going to the gym/spa everyday...........and this is his reaction to the only thing that I really spend any money on??????

Honestly, Im really hurt, up untill now, I thought that he didnt mind it that much.......I really feel that he thinks that he deserves more because he is the bread winner and I started to attend school. But I helped with our buisness and worked untill recently......help!!!!!:s SORRY it is sooo long!!

 

[rensky]

maybe u can ask him again whether he feels bothered by your love for LV..?

if so, maybe u could work it out with him, saying u'll buy like 2 a year or sth...it will be nice if he supports your hobby!

by saying that, i do understand that a lot of DHs, SOs, and bfs do not understand our love for LV...my bf's the same..but he knows when to back off....like if i'm running low on money and if i still buy he'd say something..

im going to graduate soon..and he understands that i wanna get something to congratulate myself...

meanwhile, don't be upset, we're all here for u!

 

[Velma Kelly]

"I really feel that he thinks that he deserves more because he is the bread winner and I started to attend school. But I helped with our buisness and worked untill recently"


I think this sentence here is the root of the issue. Not your purses or his spa treatments. I'm not Dr. Phil, but one thing I do know is that it's easier to argue about the fake issue instead of discussing the REAL one.
Just think about what you're really worried about and be honest with him. Maybe start out with a statement like, "I really appreciate that you support my decision to go back to school, but be honest with me...has it been harder to make ends meet? You seem to be upset with my LV purse buying when it never seemed to bother you before. Do you feel like we need to cut back on our luxury spending until I start working again?" Keep it open, keep it diplomatic and really LISTEN to him. Don't just wait to speak. (like me)
I hope this helps.

 

[rica]

hi! i can totally sympathize with you. i am a stay at home mom & my DH is the bread winner and he feels he has more right that i do to decide on our finances. which is ok with me because im a spender not a saver....BUT when it comes to my bags he TOTALLY cant understand why i need more than 2-3 expensive, highend bags. But he can spend the same amount on things he likes for himself without asking me ..he just tells me. at times it can be frustrating but in the end its a question of "are you going to let bags be the cause of argument and friction". so i just put up with it and every now and then he does give in. so until i have my own money, i will have to be content with that. cheer up, things could be alot worse.

 

[ms p]

my hubby thinks i'm spending to much time thinking about handbags so much so i dream about handbags too!
now he strongly recommend me to find a job to occupy my time better -> i believe that means he's not too happy with my handbag time ush: so u are not alone in this

 

[Orodruin]

Oh dear! I'm sorry to hear about the unhappiness between you and your DH. I hope you won't let this feeling fester and try to talk it out calmly with him so that he sees your point of view.

I'm not a professional counsellor or anything and maybe I'm being too nosy and saying too much unnecessary.
Maybe not to start off by pointing fingers at his spending but rather try to see if there's any underlying reason e.g. are household expenditures getting too high to handle, etc. and slowly move towards the items that cost a lot, then he will gradually see that he is also contributing to those high expenditures.

 

[madzia]

maybe you can ask him to cut down his daily spa time to an hour a day and see if he would since he wants you to cut down on things you enjoy?

otherwise, why don't you guys sit down and come up with a number of bags (or a $ amount) that you can buy in a month or year so you can stick to that?

 

[elmel]

i don't want to be offensive to you but i think that there is something to be said if he is the breadwinner right now. now, a sahm, that is a job i read something that if you paid someone to do what a sahm does, they would make $100,000 in a year or something. and obviously school will help you contribute to the finances later. but maybe if you're not contributing to the finances now, it's time to cut back for a while? i think his views are understandable. i'd try talking to him. (again, i don't mean to offend anyone here)

 

[Itsabagslife]

I very much understand what you're going through.

DH is the same and so are most of my friends' DH and boyfriends, and the thing is, I use my own money to buy them which he isn't too happy about. He in fact expected me to stop buying anymore after he got me the Miroir speedy. He thought that was it and wasn't very pleased when he saw me with the Pomme Roxbury....

Like you said, I think it's because he's the sole breadwinner / earning more (In my case) so they tend to feel they have more say in what's being spent on....

Maybe you could strike a deal with him? Like if you're getting a new bag. sell the ones you won't miss or not really in use, it does help in getting more approval from him and to fund your new purchase. Mine's always more than happy to see me send one bag away to fund for the next. Keeps both of us happy, I don't get nagged at and he doesn't think I'm spending too much. ;p

Hope everything goes well with you and ur DH.

 

[tresorchic]

No worry maybe he is his pms mode. I am sure he will be as proud as you when he is walking by your side with your LV cos people he is sweet enough to buy his significant other a Louis.

 

[Bagluvluv]

maybe u can ask him again whether he feels bothered by your love for LV..?

if so, maybe u could work it out with him, saying u'll buy like 2 a year or sth...it will be nice if he supports your hobby!

by saying that, i do understand that a lot of DHs, SOs, and bfs do not understand our love for LV...my bf's the same..but he knows when to back off....like if i'm running low on money and if i still buy he'd say something..

im going to graduate soon..and he understands that i wanna get something to congratulate myself...

meanwhile, don't be upset, we're all here for u!

Thanks a bunch!! You are soo sweet!!

 

[Bagluvluv]

Thanks guys!!!!

...and by the way, Im not offended one bit by anyones comments or suggestions...in fact, you guys have a point...

He maybe feeling financial pressures and may even feel like, Im not trying to cut back while Im going back to school and all.....ughhhhh.....But another reason for me to quit was to raise my son and be there for him b/c I wasnt able to b/f due to working....

I could sit here and tell you the many times when I paid for things and sacraficed to make our buisness happen.....but when its all said and done...I feel like somehow he gets the most credit....

Thats how I feel, after his little comment, anywayz......:s

 

[Bagluvluv]

"I really feel that he thinks that he deserves more because he is the bread winner and I started to attend school. But I helped with our buisness and worked untill recently"


I think this sentence here is the root of the issue. Not your purses or his spa treatments. I'm not Dr. Phil, but one thing I do know is that it's easier to argue about the fake issue instead of discussing the REAL one.
Just think about what you're really worried about and be honest with him. Maybe start out with a statement like, "I really appreciate that you support my decision to go back to school, but be honest with me...has it been harder to make ends meet? You seem to be upset with my LV purse buying when it never seemed to bother you before. Do you feel like we need to cut back on our luxury spending until I start working again?" Keep it open, keep it diplomatic and really LISTEN to him. Don't just wait to speak. (like me)
I hope this helps.

I totally see your point.....Thank you!!!!

 

[mariska]

Imho it's time for a conversation and some agreement has to be reached especially with the finances. Deal with it now before it snowballs. I'm a SAHM, too, and although my DH is generous he's not "anything you want, honey" either.

 

[nakobear]

I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't happy about your purchase. I hope that you two can talk things over and hopefully you can come to a compromise that you're both happy with in terms of both of your spending.

I dread the day that I have to share my finances with my fiance. If he really knew how much I shopped, he'd kill me!