Boyfriend...

rella869

rella869

Member
Oct 19, 2006
316
0
#1
I just needed to get this out..

Ever feel like there is a space between you and your s/o?
I love him..but its just an awkward uncomfortable space..Our conversations are always centered on work,school or family issues-nothing else. Romance flat-lined a long time ago. (together for 3.5 years) We started bickering a lot lately about STUPID STUPID things (like whats for dinner???)....
we have very busy lives..but whenever I mention "us" time, the conversation of having other stuff to do always comes up..
I know he loves me and would go to the end of the earth, and I would as well for him. I want us to be together in the future, I cant see myself with anyone else and I dont want to..I want him.
it makes me very sad that is has come to this

How can this be fixed? :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :sad: :sad: :sad:

Oh edit: I'm also PMSing (sorry if TMI) now.. can this be making it worse..maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion?
 
#3
It's completely natural to feel this way and trust me every couple goes through it. I have been with my now husband for 10 years and we've definitely had times like this. There were periods where I questioned if I wanted to be with him anymore and then he did something adorable or we "had a moment"...and I remembered why he's the one for me. You just have to reconnect. Try to set aside at least one night a month for a date night. Or even if you guys can go away for a weekend....just spend time together alone. Talk about it too...chances are he feels the same way you do. I hope everthing works out for you guys.
 
#4
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we have gone through periods like this. I guess you just get complacent and get in a rut. One thing that bothered my boyfriend is that he was always the decision maker and always made the plans. He told me that it bothered him (finally!), and now I take more initiative. He also wanted me to be more open, and tell him if something he did bothered me instead of shrugging it off. Now, I do. Basically, my point is that sometimes you have to think about what bothers you and have a talk about it. I hope everything works out for you two.
 
#5
I think there are always lulls/plateaus in a long relationship. my BF and i haven't been together for 3 years... but we live together and sometimes, the relationship tends to get so monotonous... So we go out on dates at least once a week to break the routine. Also going out separately w/ our friends helps a lot.
 
#6
I feel so sad about.. all we do is bicker

I want to take a day to ourselves, and I told him so..and he said not a problem.. and "after we can go food shopping" and we started bickering again

I feel like we cant just have a day without responsbility..we live together, and yes.. we're VERY BUSY.. but all I ask is for one day.. even just one day a month..without chores or family mandated events

:sad:
 
#7
After being married 14 years, my husband and I def have had our ups and downs....relationships take alot of work. Try planing a date...I know it sounds so corny....but we find that really works.

But.....you have to make it a true date....dress up, go out, and let go of the day to day stuff :smile:

Good luck!
 
#8
I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years too!!! We are now kind of getting out of this rut, where it just seemed we didn't have much to do anymore. Deciding what to eat for dinner felt like preparing to go to war. All we had to talk about was what we did for work that day, which can be summed up in two minutes. BTW are you living together? Because he and I are, and I think its very easy to slip into the habit of "We live together and see each other everyday". But seeing each other isn't the same as being together. So everyday after dinner we sit together and cuddle and watch tv. Also on the weekends we now make it a thing that we have to go out. Like last weekend we went to a comedy club. This weekend we are going out to a club. But try actually planning something, I hope this helped.
 
#9
handbag_luvr said:
I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years too!!! We are now kind of getting out of this rut, where it just seemed we didn't have much to do anymore. Deciding what to eat for dinner felt like preparing to go to war. All we had to talk about was what we did for work that day, which can be summed up in two minutes. BTW are you living together? Because he and I are, and I think its very easy to slip into the habit of "We live together and see each other everyday". But seeing each other isn't the same as being together. So everyday after dinner we sit together and cuddle and watch tv. Also on the weekends we now make it a thing that we have to go out. Like last weekend we went to a comedy club. This weekend we are going out to a club. But try actually planning something, I hope this helped.
Click to expand...


Yes, we live together also. We just got into this whole conversation..I'm so upset and this is making me sick to my stomach..he asked if i want to be "just friends" because he said if that made me happy he would do it.. but i just want to be happy together...we decided we are going to sit down and talk about it tonight....I'm sitting at work just watching the clock..I want nothing more to go home and have a good cry.. we love eachother..why is this happening?

your idea of planning things sounds great, we tried it already but it never works out...a family member will call and he feels guilty if we dont go to the event or dinner..or something always comes up..he asked if i wanted to go away this weekend and we really really need it but his grandma just had surgery a few hours ago so i reminded him about it and he said we should probably stay to visit her all weekend, which is the right thing to do
..and then next weekend something else is going to come up like usual...it sounds so selfish but its a serious issue that needs to get fixed..its not just because i feel like going out and having a good time.. he said to me yesterday he doesnt even remember the last time I smiled.
im so worried
 
#10
rella869 said:
your idea of planning things sounds great, we tried it already but it never works out...a family member will call and he feels guilty if we dont go to the event or dinner..or something always comes up..he asked if i wanted to go away this weekend and we really really need it but his grandma just had surgery a few hours ago so i reminded him about it and he said we should probably stay to visit her all weekend, which is the right thing to do
..and then next weekend something else is going to come up like usual...it sounds so selfish but its a serious issue that needs to get fixed..its not just because i feel like going out and having a good time.. he said to me yesterday he doesnt even remember the last time I smiled.
im so worried
Click to expand...

I'd be pretty upset if I was in your situation too, he needs to make time for you, and that does mean saying no to other plans occasionally. If he has family events as often as your post makes it sound, well, then he'll see them at the next one! My bf & I have been dating for 5 yrs. Like everyone has said, there are ups and downs, but it is the couple's commitment to addressing the downs that is most important. My bf & i realize that we fight if we're not spending enough time together, we get upset more easily with each other and it escalates. Maybe book a weekend away for you two, head out of town, and have time that is totally just for you two. I'd hope that his family wouldn't complain about you two doing that.

I hope you guys work things out!
 
#11
I have been with my bf for 7 years, and these types of situations always happen. The only thing i can advise you to do is talk to him about it, not when you are extremely emotional, but just talk about it. That's the one thing you can give to each, just open communication. I know after almost 4 years, you think nothing else can go wrong, but trust me, it will only make you stronger for it, and it will keep your relationship strong as well.

Good luck!!
 
#12
oh yea deff thats why its so good to have space in a relationship sometimes and to have your own interest and friends. i just do alot on my own and am very active in my interests so that i am not around my bf alllllllllll the time because if we are together all the time its not as romantic and we run out of stuff to say.
 
#13
Is it possible (money- and time-wise) for the two of you to go on a vacation together? That would give you a little chance to patch up without worrying about family or household chores. It doesn't even need to be an expensive affair, a weekend away will do!

And I agree that it's something that happens to more relationships than not. I've been with my SO for 7 years and about 3-4 years down the road (which is after what I call the "honeymoon" stage, there were some times when I could not even STAND him! We are doing great, so it does get better!
 
#14
What would happen if you planned a little change of scene/mini-vacation/getaway, whatever, for just the two of you?

Life is hard, and while love makes it wonderful, it does not make bosses/clients/co-workers less annoying/maddening/stupid, it does not stretch out deadlines, lower the height of the stack in your inbox, shorten commutes, meetings, or lines in the supermarket.

So it is easy to get bogged down in all that stuff, and one of the things that you do when it really is The One is develop skills to avoid that. For some people, it can be as easy as simply enjoying each other's company in the evening, even if the evening doesn't get started until almost midnight, and doesn't last very long until one or both of you falls over from exhaustion, and you maybe have to grab what little enjoy time you can in the morning or lunchtime.

Others may need to make a clean break with everything that does NOT have to do with "us."

That would mean getting completely out of the physical environment you are in, so that nobody is looking at the TV screen noticing that it is dusty or wishing they had a bigger one but car insurance is due and etc and etc.

Just you, him, and somewhere else. Give it a shot and see how you do when there is no reason to discuss food shopping or work...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back