How do you know if one is commitment-phobic?

koukanamiya

koukanamiya

It is what it is
May 25, 2006
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#1
I know it's a bit of a strange question to ask, but for the life of me I am a bit confused. Now, my understanding of "commitment-phobic" is someone who is afraid of commitment. By that I think it means someone who is AFRAID of being in a commited relationship, right? It can mean going steady or getting married and such.

So, let's say if a person is going out with another person and he/she has always wanted to get married or something, and finally they got engaged, then suddenly one of the parties feels that if he/she gets engaged, that means he/she will never be able to date a brunette/blond/redhead/certain type of person (simply because he/she has never done so but always wanted to) or will never be able to have an opportunity to date others should the opportunity arises, does that make the said person commitment-phobic?

I just want to add that in this case, the person in question is NOT afraid of getting married, per se. Does that make this person commitment-phobic? My personal opinion is that this person just appears NOT ready to get married, but is NOT commitment phobic. Now, I'm a novice when it comes to this type of stuff, so ... would the experienced wise ones please advise? TIA.
 
#2
My opinion is that the term "commitment phobic" refers to someone who has a history of backing out of relationships when the relationship progresses to the point where some sort of actual commitment--marriage, moving in together--is the logical next step. I agree with you, your person sounds like they are just having second thoughts about getting married and giving up the single life.
 
#3
It seems from what you're saying, said person is either not ready to marry or doesn't want to marry the other person for some reason. I think the whole "I never got to date (insert type) person" is just them trying to get of saying why they are truly unhappy.
 
#4
Doesn't sound commitment phobic, rather unsure of the current situation. It is hard to figure life and love out, but sometimes we have to follow our gut feelings. These questions may mean one is not ready for this next step or sure of this person.
 
#6
I've never had someone bring up the whole 'I never got to date a -insert shallow physical characteristic here-' so I don't know but that would make me think the person bringing it up wasn't really in love with the other person or they weren't at the least ready to take it to the next step. When you're crazy about someone its not like you're usually thinking 'Wow I never got to date a redhead.'
 
#7
In my experience questions of that sort are common. Especially after promising to commit to another person as in getting engaged. Some people get the feeling that they're going to miss something special that may come along later. Committing to someone is a decision, and like many decisions it may come easy or it may come hard. One maybe crazy about the other person they got engaged to, but it doesn't stop them from wondering whether life may be different if they took a different path...I don't think it's being commitment phobic. It's just thinking...
 
#8
i think it's being a commitment phobe to a certain degree, but it seems like fear of settling --- is that the same thing? LOL i don't know. The decision to get married is like making a conscious decision to be w/ someone forever and ever. Realistically, that person has made that decision since being in a committed relationship... but to make it official can freak people out. Especially if that person hasn't been around. I feel that a person has to have been there and done that in order to know what he or she really wants, especially if it's a guy.
 
#9
if a person is commitment phobic he/she wouldn't say yes to getting engage to anybody.

i think the person is just confused or unsure about the whole thing.
 
#10
madamefifi said:
My opinion is that the term "commitment phobic" refers to someone who has a history of backing out of relationships when the relationship progresses to the point where some sort of actual commitment--marriage, moving in together--is the logical next step.
Click to expand...

I agree thoroughly. I know so many men and women like this. My last boss was a textbook example.

He still truly believes he wants to be married. But he can't even commit to 2 dates a week with anyone. Too workaholic. He's 50 so there really is no hope unless he dumps the workaholism. He had heart surgery and you would think THAT would be a wake up call. Nope. He was back working 6 days a week in 2 months. He has enough savings so he could retire right now if he wanted.

Idiot could be another word for this.
 
#11
koukanamiya said:
suddenly one of the parties feels that if he/she gets engaged, that means he/she will never be able to date a brunette/blond/redhead/certain type of person (simply because he/she has never done so but always wanted to) or will never be able to have an opportunity to date others should the opportunity arises, does that make the said person commitment-phobic?

I just want to add that in this case, the person in question is NOT afraid of getting married, per se. Does that make this person commitment-phobic? My personal opinion is that this person just appears NOT ready to get married, but is NOT commitment phobic. Now, I'm a novice when it comes to this type of stuff, so ... would the experienced wise ones please advise? TIA.
Click to expand...

How old is this person? Maybe they are just too young. Saying "Geez, I never got to date a redhead," & "never be able to date others" is really immature.
 
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