Well, we've been together for 3.5 yrs and throughout this time, i was under the impression that we were going to get married and it was a matter of when and not whether we would get married. i went through some difficult problems about 6 months ago which required me to leave the US to take care of things for a little while. and during then, i felt like he wasn't coming through. given the situation, i think most guys would have proposed by then. and i was quite disappointed that it didn't seem to affect or faze him to do anything.
It was then that i saw for the first time that he had a commitment issue. he last 2 relationships were long term relationships that lasted 4-5 years each and each ended because he said he didn't want to get married and he said it was because it wasn't right for him and he wasn't happy in those relationships. and i believed him all the time that it was right until about 6 mths ago when i felt like he should have stepped up and committed to the relationship and he didn't. and i'm now beating myself up for not seeing that earlier. i never never realized i had fallen into the "but i'm different and it won't happen to me" trap until i recognized the fact the he was commitment phobic.
so i said we need to either get engaged or beak up. i don't want to spend more time on a relationship that isn't going anywhere you know.
our relationship has always been great. We don't quarrel, we treat each other well and we enjoy each other's company and do things the other likes. and I treat him incredibly well. maybe i should have been more of a *****!
As far as i know, he hasn't cheated on me. I once caught him on the pc with links to a couple of profiles on an online dating site. he said he didn't go to the site etc etc etc. i didn't believe him but i let it pass after i asked him whether he was interested in meeting other ppl. and if he was he should be up front and tell me. he said no. he had this very close female friend and there might have been some emotional cheating there but i can't really say whether or not it happened. i was concerned enough about it and we discussed it but i never asked him point blank about the emotional cheating. i don't think guys get that.
As for the question of why he broke things off so easily, i guess he didn't value me or the relationship enough, maybe he wasn't that in love with me.
and i think he's finding excuses to not commit through marriage. and his personality is also that he wants things to be easy. i think we could have worked out the fact that we're apart for the next few months but everything needs to be easy for him. it's one of my concerns about him. my philosophy is that relationships and a marriage requires work. there will be bigger problems in a marriage than being apart for a few months. and if you can't work through that, then you might not be able to work through the bigger unforseen issues that marriage or a long term relationship brings.
Some of this makes sense in my head but it still hurts nonetheless. and i still feel somewhat cheated of the last 4 years of my 20s, staying in the relationship i thought was going to end in marriage.
^^Yes...
So why the ultimatum? Were things going ok aside from that? And if he was in love with you, why did he break things off so easily? How was he afraid of commitment? Did he cheat on you over the past 4 years?
so sorry to hear about the break up...but the silver lining to this is that now you are able to find a REAL man who shares the same goals as you and is willing and ready to commit!!!! good luck to you...all my best 
