Would you help a friend/relative to buy a Hermes bag?

[hbr]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!

As a therapist I can tell you that setting boundaries and saying "no" is one of the hardest things for people to learn to do! You are definitely not alone in this and trust me when I tell you, you will be so much happier and at peace when you establish boundaries that are aligned with your values and comfort zone. People learn how to treat you based on your boundaries. You deserve better!

 

[horselove]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!

Just like you, l learned quite a bit about life and people through my shopping experience with Hermes and tpf hermes forum, lol

 

[epistolic]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!

I’m glad we have been helpful in some way! You sound like a lovely person, and I wish you and your husband all the best

 

[showgratitude]

Recently I received more and more requests from friends, relatives or friends of friends to buy Hermes bags for them. The requests are always very popular bags(B,K,C, L, or P) with specific color and size. When I asked them why they don't buy the bags themselves, their responses are always that they don't want to buy other non-bag products. They know that there is pre-spend/relationship requirement to get a bag so they think it should be easier for me to get them one since I already have a collection of bags. I had to explain to them that it's very hard for me to be offered a bag these days too. At first, I tried to help one friend to get a non QB she wants. She was very specific regarding the color that I had to check with my SA regarding the availability several times and at the end, she told me she wants a QB instead. I ended telling her that she should consider buying from a reseller as I have been waiting for my QB for more than a year. She replied that she doesn't want to pay the premium on it. It strikes me that I am used as a free-ride for all these bag requests. Wondering how other people would handle the situation. Thanks for sharing your experience or thoughts on this.

I will say no to something like this because it can be too complicated and troublesome, in my opinion. If you say yes to something like this, what will the terms be? Would you pay for the bag first and get reimbursed by them later on? What if they had buyer's remorse? Do you really want to be in that kind of predicament? One that you can avoid altogether in the first place! I would tell these people that if they cannot afford the pre-spend and devote the time to "build that kind of relationship" with an SA, they can't really afford the H bag from the H store. That way, when they get upset, they will no longer bother you and they can no longer get a "free ride". You can tell them too that a good friend is honest after all. And you are just trying to be a good friend.

 

[junngch]

As a therapist I can tell you that setting boundaries and saying "no" is one of the hardest things for people to learn to do! You are definitely not alone in this and trust me when I tell you, you will be so much happier and at peace when you establish boundaries that are aligned with your values and comfort zone. People learn how to treat you based on your boundaries. You deserve better!

Thank you hbr! It's comforting to know that we are not alone. Yes, I am always worry about hurting others feeling by simply saying "No". This will be a tough change for me but I am determined to give it a try next time.

Just like you, l learned quite a bit about life and people through my shopping experience with Hermes and tpf hermes forum, lol

Yes, a positive side effect from shopping : )

I’m glad we have been helpful in some way! You sound like a lovely person, and I wish you and your husband all the best

Thank you epistolic! You are a very lovely person as well and I wish you the best!

I will say no to something like this because it can be too complicated and troublesome, in my opinion. If you say yes to something like this, what will the terms be? Would you pay for the bag first and get reimbursed by them later on? What if they had buyer's remorse? Do you really want to be in that kind of predicament? One that you can avoid altogether in the first place! I would tell these people that if they cannot afford the pre-spend and devote the time to "build that kind of relationship" with an SA, they can't really afford the H bag from the H store. That way, when they get upset, they will no longer bother you and they can no longer get a "free ride". You can tell them too that a good friend is honest after all. And you are just trying to be a good friend.

Thank you showgratitude! I totally agree with you. I used to worry about losing the valuables my friend/releative asked me to buy for them before I can hand the items to them as I will have to aborb all the losses. I will still help someone who is very important to me going forward but not the rest.

 

[880]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!

I’m truly saddened by your friends inability to acknowledge your generosity and continue to ask for more. You have been very gracious in even making the request to your SA in the first place. I wish you the best of luck going forward with this situation! But seriously, saying no takes practice, and if your friend is angry about it, then that says something more about her own character and motivations.

 

[BirKineSS]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!

I dont mind helping my friends getting their bags which I did a lot of times with Chanel and a few H non-quota bags (online and in store) but I cannot help with the one that required pre-spend. Its just unfair for everyone. Afterall you are not dying nor dead not to have a certain bag in your possession 😅

 

[periogirl28]

Ultimately you and your husband must decide where to draw the line so that you both remain happy and able to sleep comfortably at night. It's a balance between being a helpful supportive friend and relative and being taken advantage of and you need to decide how to manage this.
I am glad you have come to realise this with the help of the comments here.
I have definitely helped family get bags from other brands and my SAs are currently helping for one specific non-QB as well. My sister holds 1/4 of my H bag collection and she's welcome to help me rotate and use them. I have introduced SAs (with their permission) to my friends and vice versa and before Covid, arranged an appointment for a very special and close friend at FSH. I made sure I was nowhere in Europe at that time, apparently it went really well and we both know it's a one off.
At the end of the day, it's how you manage all these relationships.
I sincerely wish you all the very best going forward.

 

[junngch]

I’m truly saddened by your friends inability to acknowledge your generosity and continue to ask for more. You have been very gracious in even making the request to your SA in the first place. I wish you the best of luck going forward with this situation! But seriously, saying no takes practice, and if your friend is angry about it, then that says something more about her own character and motivations.

Thank you 880 for your kind words. I value your opinions as I always find your responses to other tPFers very knowledgeable and sincere.

 

[junngch]

I dont mind helping my friends getting their bags which I did a lot of times with Chanel and a few H non-quota bags (online and in store) but I cannot help with the one that required pre-spend. Its just unfair for everyone. Afterall you are not dying nor dead not to have a certain bag in your possession 😅

Thank you BirkineSS for sharing your experience. How do you know which H non QBs don't require pre-spend? My SA never talks about pre-spend with me but I recall seeing some posting before that almost all bags require some pre-spend and relationship.

 

[junngch]

Ultimately you and your husband must decide where to draw the line so that you both remain happy and able to sleep comfortably at night. It's a balance between being a helpful supportive friend and relative and being taken advantage of and you need to decide how to manage this.
I am glad you have come to realise this with the help of the comments here.
I have definitely helped family get bags from other brands and my SAs are currently helping for one specific non-QB as well. My sister holds 1/4 of my H bag collection and she's welcome to help me rotate and use them. I have introduced SAs (with their permission) to my friends and vice versa and before Covid, arranged an appointment for a very special and close friend at FSH. I made sure I was nowhere in Europe at that time, apparently it went really well and we both know it's a one off.
At the end of the day, it's how you manage all these relationships.
I sincerely wish you all the very best going forward.

I completely agree with you that my husband and I should establish boundaries on what we can do for certain people and focus on those who are truly deserving of our time. Your experience reassures me that it's essential to invest our time and resources in those who genuinely appreciate our help. Thank you so much and I wish you the best as well!

 

[moosic]

Thank you BirkineSS for sharing your experience. How do you know which H non QBs don't require pre-spend? My SA never talks about pre-spend with me but I recall seeing some posting before that almost all bags require some pre-spend and relationship.

Not BirkinSS, but even non-QBs reset some of the pre-spend in a way. Sure, if you just got a QB, and want to buy a Picotin, go for it. But if you've already spent some amount, and get a non-QB, your SA might delay your next QB because you just got a bag. This would translate to extra time and money spent.

 

[junngch]

Not BirkinSS, but even non-QBs reset some of the pre-spend in a way. Sure, if you just got a QB, and want to buy a Picotin, go for it. But if you've already spent some amount, and get a non-QB, your SA might delay your next QB because you just got a bag. This would translate to extra time and money spent.

I see, that makes sense! Thank you moosic!

 

[BirKineSS]

Thank you BirkineSS for sharing your experience. How do you know which H non QBs don't require pre-spend? My SA never talks about pre-spend with me but I recall seeing some posting before that almost all bags require some pre-spend and relationship.

From my observation this year (at least in my store) H seems more lenient on non-quota bags such as picotin, herbags and garden party selling to anyone who walk into the store and buy the non-quota bags that available that day. I accompanied a visiting friend from overseas going shopping and randomly going into the store and met random SA who offer her a picotin straightaway 😃 I was surprised and even me as a local I never get offered any bag straightaway since 2020.

 

[rumes]

I accompanied a visiting overseas friend shopping and randomly going into the store and met random SA who offer her a picotin straightaway

May i ask which city? i can manage my vecay there loool