Would you help a friend/relative to buy a Hermes bag?

[GabrielleS]

No I would not. Who will take in the bag for service or deal with it if there is a defect? What happens if a friend or relative resells the bag and you get black listed as a reseller? What if you want something special and you can’t get it because you have bought “so many” bags?

In some stores getting a QB can be delayed by getting other bags so if you are buying other people bags, you may be making your own wait longer.

The most I would do is ask my SA if they are open to being introduced to new clients and, if so, make the introduction for people you know can afford to spend and are not a pain in the ass.

 

[haute okole]

I have purchased bags as gifts for my family, but I would not help anyone purchase a QB. At least not yet because I don’t think I am at QB purse peace yet. So the answer is, it depends on how important the person is to me and how important a bag is to the person.

I would not help my daughters buy a QB, but I would buy a QB for my daughters under the right circumstances.

 

[rumes]

it depends on how important the person is to me and how important a bag is to the person.

this is the case exactly.

 

[pyrexia]

It depends on who the person is - my sister, MIL.. I definitely would. Some very close girlfriends, maybe. Otherwise, I'd just tell my "friends" it will cost them the same price as a reseller - I'll take the extra money and go shopping myself!

 

[maxroxxherhandbags]

I would just say No..
If they get annoyed with that then they're not friends.

 

[Veritybelle]

I think the request implies that they don’t understand what is involved with shopping at H. Unless you are a VVIP, for most of us it’s not a question of just popping in and asking for a Kelly, which then magically appears in the desired specs. Serendipity plays almost as big a role in a bag offer, in some ways, as your relationship with the house. Perhaps they would be more sympathetic to your position if they understood this?

Plus, your SA knows what your taste and preferences are. If you are a big bag person who hates Epsom and never wears blues, it’s going to look a bit strange to be suddenly chasing, say, a blue Epsom MKII. It may compromise your relationship and may even raise suspicions that you are actually a reseller. Plus, as others have said, why should these people freeload on the time and effort you have invested in developing your relationship, possibly at the expense of delaying your own wishlist?

It can be hard to say no, especially if there is a pattern of you acquiescing to others’ demands. If you feel that you need to supply an explanation, I would simply say you are concerned that you could be blacklisted as a reseller and you are not willing to take that risk, or something like that. If they were not willing to accept that, then I think you will have seen what kind of friends they are.

Good luck, be strong!

ETA: I would buy a B or K as a gift but only for a close family member (mother, sister) or my best friend for a special event like a milestone birthday, and I would tell my SA that was who the bag was for when I requested it. My SA would like this and would love to hear how the gift was received. But again, I’d only do it once or twice in special circumstances.

 

[junngch]

Hi, can I take advantage of your hard-won Hermes success and use your many dollars of spending in the brand solely for my own benefit, and with absolutely no benefit to you but also the potential of a bad outcome for you?


Answer that honestly.

"No" is a complete sentence.

dearest Junngch,

Right here i shared my story of my B25...

A beloved friend's sister bought it for me. I got cancer the week we bought the bag. Throughout all my treatments, it adorned my chemotherapy room. After mastectomy, instead of physiotherapy, I began using my arms again by carrying B25. I don't know if the answer to the question is very difficult. If my friend hadn't done me this kindness, I would have started my battle with cancer without experiencing the taste of something materially important that I had dreamed of. Listen to your heart. If you truly believe someone deserves it, I think you should never turn down a request for help. God will always send you more than what you give.

No I would not. Who will take in the bag for service or deal with it if there is a defect? What happens if a friend or relative resells the bag and you get black listed as a reseller? What if you want something special and you can’t get it because you have bought “so many” bags?

In some stores getting a QB can be delayed by getting other bags so if you are buying other people bags, you may be making your own wait longer.

The most I would do is ask my SA if they are open to being introduced to new clients and, if so, make the introduction for people you know can afford to spend and are not a pain in the ass.

I have purchased bags as gifts for my family, but I would not help anyone purchase a QB. At least not yet because I don’t think I am at QB purse peace yet. So the answer is, it depends on how important the person is to me and how important a bag is to the person.

I would not help my daughters buy a QB, but I would buy a QB for my daughters under the right circumstances.

It depends on who the person is - my sister, MIL.. I definitely would. Some very close girlfriends, maybe. Otherwise, I'd just tell my "friends" it will cost them the same price as a reseller - I'll take the extra money and go shopping myself!

I would just say No..
If they get annoyed with that then they're not friends.

I think the request implies that they don’t understand what is involved with shopping at H. Unless you are a VVIP, for most of us it’s not a question of just popping in and asking for a Kelly, which then magically appears in the desired specs. Serendipity plays almost as big a role in a bag offer, in some ways, as your relationship with the house. Perhaps they would be more sympathetic to your position if they understood this?

Plus, your SA knows what your taste and preferences are. If you are a big bag person who hates Epsom and never wears blues, it’s going to look a bit strange to be suddenly chasing, say, a blue Epsom MKII. It may compromise your relationship and may even raise suspicions that you are actually a reseller. Plus, as others have said, why should these people freeload on the time and effort you have invested in developing your relationship, possibly at the expense of delaying your own wishlist?

It can be hard to say no, especially if there is a pattern of you acquiescing to others’ demands. If you feel that you need to supply an explanation, I would simply say you are concerned that you could be blacklisted as a reseller and you are not willing to take that risk, or something like that. If they were not willing to accept that, then I think you will have seen what kind of friends they are.

Good luck, be strong!

ETA: I would buy a B or K as a gift but only for a close family member (mother, sister) or my best friend for a special event like a milestone birthday, and I would tell my SA that was who the bag was for when I requested it. My SA would like this and would love to hear how the gift was received. But again, I’d only do it once or twice in special circumstances.

Thank you very much for the responses! I've read through all your replies multiple times, and all points are well taken. It's very clear that there is only a downside to buying a Hermes bag for someone else. Unless the person is very important to me and the bag means a lot to them, I will not put myself in this kind of awkward situation anymore. I'm not strong enough to say no to others without explanation, so I will be honest and tell them that I am not a VVIP who is able to get the specific bag they want, and I myself am at the mercy of my SA. As we all know, true friends would understand.

Dear Rumes, your story deeply touches my heart, and I sincerely hope you will fully recover soon! Yes, I would definitely go the extra mile for someone important to me, just like your friend did for you.

 

[880]

it can be empowering to say no and set boundaries

Agree with @haute okole and others that if I cared enough about the person in question to gift them the bag of their dreams, that’s one thing.

Facilitating a bag for so called friends who have previously shamed my personal spending habits (I believe OP mentioned that) and which will take away from my own offers. . . Absolutely not.

Also: why would I introduce my SAs to friends who disdain other non QB boutique merchandise. It’s not just aggravation for me; it’s a total waste of time for my SA.

 

[WhiteBus]

Recently I received more and more requests from friends, relatives or friends of friends to buy Hermes bags for them. The requests are always very popular bags(B,K,C, L, or P) with specific color and size. When I asked them why they don't buy the bags themselves, their responses are always that they don't want to buy other non-bag products. They know that there is pre-spend/relationship requirement to get a bag so they think it should be easier for me to get them one since I already have a collection of bags. I had to explain to them that it's very hard for me to be offered a bag these days too. At first, I tried to help one friend to get a non QB she wants. She was very specific regarding the color that I had to check with my SA regarding the availability several times and at the end, she told me she wants a QB instead. I ended telling her that she should consider buying from a reseller as I have been waiting for my QB for more than a year. She replied that she doesn't want to pay the premium on it. It strikes me that I am used as a free-ride for all these bag requests. Wondering how other people would handle the situation. Thanks for sharing your experience or thoughts on this.

I would question why they are friends.
What you wrote does suggest a precedent: have you already done this?
The important thing is to say, 'No', and not enter into any discussion; do not try to make it easier for yourself by giving some explanation. An explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument.

This is my philosophy in all situations ; it is better to get over an initially difficult conversation than take an easy route that leaves you open worrying that you might have to do something you really don't want to. You don't have to be rude or unpleasant, but confident and firm.
Like if you are asked to take on some responsibility: if you say I really have too much on to do it justice, but if you can't get anyone else. . .
that lets the person asking you off the hook to make the effort to find someone else,
then they can come back to you

 

[epistolic]

I think reading through your replies, that it sounds like the friends/relatives who are asking this of you, do not appreciate or respect you. The story of the relative who berated you about the iPhone you got them missing a SIM card slot, and then forcing you to solve that for them, is very telling. You did them a favour; they didn’t see it as a favour, however, and they’re more than willing to continue to take advantage of you. These people are toxic and don’t deserve your time. I am all for helping people who have the capacity to respect and appreciate your efforts, who are grateful for your time, who understand that you are doing them a huge favour and are appreciative of that, who have a great relationship with you that doesn’t just constitute them taking things from you; but it doesn’t sound like this is the case. Be kind to yourself and tell them to leave you alone!

 

[r luvs h]

I've been in a couple similar situations with some acquaintances (not even close friends). My answer each time was a resounding "No". You do not owe these "friends" anything-- frankly, I find it rather appalling that someone who calls you a friend would have the gall to ask such a thing of you. If they want to win the Hermès game, they need to play it first.

 

[benjinito]

I have a friend who asked me the same thing. She knew that a relationship is required to purchase bags, but she didn’t know that spend “reset” with each bag. In her mind, I already have the “relationship” and can get any bag I want at this point.

I explained to her that I can’t get her a bag because each bag requires separate spend. Also, there’s a quota so 1 bag for her = 1 less bag for me. She understood right away and never asked again.

Sometimes people just don’t know

 

[BirKineSS]

I will ‘HAHA!’ them 🤣 so sorry I’m not gonna pre-spend to get QB for someone else. My money doesn’t grow from a tree nor I’m a drug dealer either where the money flowing like a tap water hahaha 😆 Unless they are paying for the prespend + the bag, I will probably help them. The most I can do is giving them FREE advise how to get the non-QB and try QB with ‘minimal spending’. Oppsss sounds familiar ei?! 🤪

 

[rumes]

Dear Rumes, your story deeply touches my heart, and I sincerely hope you will fully recover soon! Yes, I would definitely go the extra mile for someone important to me, just like your friend did for you.

i hightly appreciate all your lovely words to me. Thank you. as i mantion, it depens on situation there is no clear answer for this in my opinion. Life is entirely exceptional. My friend who bought the B25 for me was French. She had never had any bags the quota ot non quota in the system before. She used her first bag right for me. Thanks to this, however, she received an invitation to a special sale within the same year. There, by buying a lot of things, she prepared a new closet for herself for the second B and was able to buy the second B for herself in the same year.

your heart knows better

 

[junngch]

Apologies for not providing the complete story in the original post to keep it concise, as I was trying to gauge the perspective of a Hermes bag owner’s view on helping someone else to buy a Hermes bag using their own account.

A few years ago, acquiring a non QB wasn’t particularly difficult. I was able to help a friend to buy a non QB in Europe during my trip back then. As we all know that things have changed drastically post-covid. It’s nearly impossible to buy a bag as a walk-in nowadays. I found a new SA I clicked with in my local store and started to build a relationship with her. Several months later, the friend I mentioned in original post asked me to buy a non QB for her using my account. I informed my SA about the situation as I didn’t want to confuse my SA about my bag/color preferences or being flagged as a reseller. My SA was fine with it and offered me two popular colors for my freind to choose, but she insisted on a specific color. We waited that particular color for a few more months until she suddenly expressed a desire for a QB instead. When I told my SA about this, she bluntly told me I cannot help a friend to buy a QB, which was quite a relief to me.

It became easy for me to tell other people that my SA won’t do this when they asked if I can help them to buy QBs. Like @WhiteBus said, an explanation is always an opportunity for a counter-argument/request. Recently a friend of my husband asked him if I can buy a very specific non QB as a push offer gift for his wife. I have been rejecting non QB offers from my SA in hope that my QB offer will arrive soon. I told my husband the best I could do is to ask my SA after I get my QB later this year. Similar to me, my husband prefers not to outright refuse others' requests. He also didn’t want me to bother and therefore he told his friend that I asked my SA and there was no inventory. His friend then suggested me continue following up or even checking out other stores.

After reading all your replies, I’ve come to realize that the primary issue my husband and I have is our reluctance to establish boundaries or simply say "No" initially as suggested by @880. As @epistolic mentioned, some people even don’t appreciate the favors I did for them and continue to request more. I I've often wondered why my husband and I are frequently asked for various favors, even by acquaintances we've just met or barely know. This realization will undoubtedly improve our situation, although it will require some adjustments and uncomfortable conversations along the way. I am going to share this with my hubby who will likely be amazed that a life-changing philosophy has been gleaned from his wife’s addiction to Hermes bags. This support group has been incredibly helpful! Thank you all very much!